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Hellspawn Shenanigans

4 posts in this topic

Hello people. I'm new on the forums, but I have story I wanted to share. You may find it entertaining, at least. It involves a nefarious Psyker by the name Geshihu and a string pf very unlikely and hilarious rolls. But let's start at the begining.

I played an Assasin in a game once. He was a feral worlder, a pretty straightforward guy named Vran. Since our gaming group is hardcore like that we rolled for everything. And I do mean everything: haight, hair colour, built, age. Which made me into a 6ft tall, 16 years old, red haired native american. M'key.

We started out with 800 xp. But on top of it I was able to persuade my GM to let me have cybernetic arms with built-in chainswords and training with those. Because that's bithin'. Hene the nickname of my character- Iron Fist.

Also, at the start of every mission we get, we're given a variable amount of money. And then we have to pick each item we want to have and roll for it in the rarity table. If we succeed, we pay and get items. If we lose, we pay and don't get items. Yup. Also, our GM does all the rolls. ALL the rolls. ALL the time. The only items I don't have to roll for are those I can fit my cyber-arms with.

As you might expect, it's pretty random. But that's not the fun part. First, you have to understand one thing: our GM is physically incapable of rolling medium numbers. Every action is either a spectacular failure or a spectacular success.

I was sent on a mission with a Psyker. And you have to understand- Geshihu is not just a Psyker. Psykers are a weird and quirky bunch, I get that, but Geshihu is something different. He's either humanity's salvation... Or it's demise. He is known for becoming invisible and piloting a "ghost ship". On our starship. Where we live. Where our Inquisitor lives. Geshihu is the stuff of legends. Some even doubt his physical existance and claim he's just a boogeyman invented by Inquisitor Lorem Ipsum Herpus Derpus Maximus the IVth. Some say he's a demon. Only a few are smart enough to keep their mouths shut around air-ducts.

Now, how is he so elusive? Obviously, he spams Chamelon, Distort Vision and White Noise to be practically uncachable. Normally he'd invoke a buttload of Perils and kill himself. However, our GM is physically incapable of rolling 9s on his Power rolls. Ever. And when he DOES roll a 9? Hilarity ensues. It would suffice to say that grapnels and harnesses have became our standard equipment now, because of gravity's tendency to turn around near Geshihu. However, there is more.

As I've said, we were sent on a mission. For those who know what I'm talking about, we're doing the Purge the Unclean book storyline. My first mission with Geshihu involved a mine filled with six million workers, guarded by total of 10 Arbitrators, ancient heretic baron named Ulbrexis and his nemesis, Morirr. And cameras that don't record, but write down what they've seen. Dark Heresy, you gotta love it's logic.

At one point during our assignment we were attacked by a very powerful mutant, whose body was made of steel. I tried to fight him and I was even doing quite well. But then, in a fashion typical for my GM, he punched me in the face with double rerolls for over 70 pints of damage. I had no Fate points left. Needless to say, I died on the spot. However...

While that was going on, Geshihu was attacked by another Psyker. You can probably figure out that his assumption was that it was an invitation for a "Psychic Duel". Basically- whoever gets killed by their own Perils loses.

Besides gravity reversing (obviously) and stones bleeding, the Perils they also rolled gave everyone in the area about 15 corruption points. That was enought to punch me into 34 corruption. My GM rulled out that my dead body can mutate (he wanted to have fun) so he rolled in muation table.

His roll? 100. For those who don't know, that means Hellspawn- the character gains Deamonic trait, From Beyond and Psy Rating of 2. Yeah. Geshihu quite literally ressurected me with his Perils. By PURE CHANCE. The possibilty of this exact roll sequance is not just unlikely- it's astronomically low. However, it happened.

We have finished the mission and fled the planet during Protocol 19 (Zombie Apocalypse) outbreak. And to this day I'm not sure if it was Geshihu's doing or Morirr's nefarious plot. Both are equally likely.

And that's where we're now. Recently we have been sent on a new mission. Something involving Scintilla nobility, undercover cults and xenos devices. With my new abilities I am possibly the only being capable of keeping Geshihu in line. However, one has to ask, wasn't it perhaps his plan all along?

Anyway, just a random advanture that I thought I'd share. It was probably THE Dark Heresy experience I've had.

Edited by Arrakiz

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70 damage? Was the mutant actually a Lemun Russ demolisher, and you just have terrible Perception by any chance?

... Mmmmmaybe? For all I know it could have been a Leman Russ in disguise...


Honestly, the 70 damage part is not that surprising. At least if you knew my GM. We looked at the stats of that thing and they weren't THAT frightening. It had a few good Talents and I think 5 Strength (possibly it had Unnatural x2) But when I compaired it to my own character sheet, it was a surprisingly even oponent.


As a statement to that, he actually appeared a second time at the very end of the session in a climatic boss-fight. And I cut off his head with a single swing.


This is just the nature of dice in DH- a housefly can kill you with a good enough roll.


So that's really not that weird. At least for us. The weird part is the exact roll sequence.


He first had to have a triple reroll to deal 70 damage in the first place. That's terribly rare, but ok, it might happen. THEN Geshihu had to have 9s on two of his power rolls and both those had to cause perils of the warp and THEN my GM had to roll the exact same result twice- landing me in 34 corruption points. AND THEN he had to roll 100 on mutation table.


That's the ridiculous part. 

Edited by Arrakiz

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Thank you for sharing that. Several people in the university library are looking at me funny after I burst out laughing :D


Nobody in my DH1 group played a psyker, but we do have a telepath in our DH2 Beta party. He believes that all insects are physical embodiments of the souls of Imperial soldiers, and they talk to him telepathically. Yeah, he's an interesting fellow. He's been very lucky with his Psychic Phenomena rolls so far, but I have high hopes for Perils-inspired hilarity in our future.

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