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Cogniczar

Home Worlds

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I'm currently developing some home worlds for my Recidivist's Handbook project (log here). Thought I'd post direct links here to see if I can get some opinions and suggestions.  

 

War Zone

War Waste

Agri-World

Feudal World

Mining World

Developing World

Paradise World I Revision 1

Scion of the Night (Void-born from a Black Ship)

Orbital World 

 

Chapter 1 Draft I Revision 1 I Revision 2

 

Edit: Edited versions up

Edited by Cogniczar

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Should probably host that somewhere else; Dark Reign doesn't allow you to download things without registering, nor do I think that Dark Reign would appreciate being used as a hosting service, regardless.

I suggest getting a Google Drive or ten. It's super-useful, and can perform all the functions of the old Google Docs. Up to 15 GB of free cloud storage.

Looking forward to see what you cobbled together.

Edited by Fgdsfg

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Should probably host that somewhere else; Dark Reign doesn't allow you to download things without registering, nor do I think that Dark Reign would appreciate being used as a hosting service, regardless.

I suggest getting a Google Drive or ten. It's super-useful, and can perform all the functions of the old Google Docs. Up to 15 GB of free cloud storage.

Looking forward to see what you cobbled together.

 

Since he's an admin at darkreign.org I think he's fine :-P

 

Edit: Love your signature btw. This is undebatable.

Edited by Green Knight

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Should probably host that somewhere else; Dark Reign doesn't allow you to download things without registering, nor do I think that Dark Reign would appreciate being used as a hosting service, regardless.

I suggest getting a Google Drive or ten. It's super-useful, and can perform all the functions of the old Google Docs. Up to 15 GB of free cloud storage.

Looking forward to see what you cobbled together.

 

Since he's an admin at darkreign.org I think he's fine :-P

 

Oh, well.. I couldn't know that! And the suggestion to upload it elsewhere stands, so that us non-Dark Reigners can see what he's made. :D

 

Edit: Love your signature btw. This is undebatable.

Thanks. Funnily, you're not the first to say so. :P Just want to lay the foundation for healthy debate and make sure that everyone is on the right page. :lol:

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Should probably host that somewhere else; Dark Reign doesn't allow you to download things without registering, nor do I think that Dark Reign would appreciate being used as a hosting service, regardless.

I suggest getting a Google Drive or ten. It's super-useful, and can perform all the functions of the old Google Docs. Up to 15 GB of free cloud storage.

Looking forward to see what you cobbled together.

 

Since he's an admin at darkreign.org I think he's fine :-P

 

Oh, well.. I couldn't know that! And the suggestion to upload it elsewhere stands, so that us non-Dark Reigners can see what he's made. :D

 

 

 

I never realized I left the permissions that barred non-registered members from viewing attachments. I've fixed that for that particular forum and will do so with the rest of the forum. =D

 

(I normally make copies of my near-to-finished stuff on scribd, but I tend to keep the drafts on Dark Reign until completed).

 

 

 

What seems to be the problem?

 

No e-mail with confirmation link.

 

 

Not sure what that's about tbh. I'll look into making a few fake accounts with some external mail providers to see if I can correct the issue.

 

 

At any rate, the links should work for anyone now. 

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A few random thoughts.

 

Don't you think that too much chances for "paradise world" in Table 1-1? In Calixis, for example, only 6 of these worlds.

 

War Waster character begin with Survival as trained skill - and from Primal Endurance they treat Survival as basic skill. It make no sense.

Furthermore, in some origins characters begin without any Speak Language skill.

War Waste and especially War Zone origin gives more bonuses than penalties for characteristics.

Edited by Jargal

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Here is a link to the first chapter overall 

Wow, that looks absolutely stellar. Are these .pdf:s locked? Because I'm working on my own stuff, currently only written in Word, but at some point I'd like to move on and start turning it all into proper .pdf:s.

That said, one thing stood out to me.

Agri-World is missing attribution on it's quote, even if that attribution would just be "Tarsonius Verdicum, Farmlord of Groxarius XII" or whatever "Unknown mudpeddler".

War Waste and War Zone are eerily similar. Not mechanically, but the way it's described. War-Zone, the way I read it, basically reads as a homeworld ravaged by war. Past tense. And now awaiting resettling or restoration of order. This is the entire niche of the War Waste as well, the way I read it.

Perhaps you intended it to be different, and perhaps it's just me reading it wrong, or perhaps you need to refluff it, I don't know, it's just my impression.

Feudal World. I love it. I'd add that Acolytes of the Feudal World Homeworld are assumed to know at least the basics of Low Gothic, and may use it as a Basic Skill if necessary. The reasons for this should be self-evident, unless your intention is to make Feudal World an option only when playing a game where everyone is from the same Feudal World (which could be awesome) or forcing the player to actually take Speak Language (Low Gothic) as an Elite Advance with his starting experience.

I do love Feudal World, though.

Mining World is missing a quote.

Paradise World is missing attribution on it's quote.

I.. feel like I'm nitpicking here, but honestly, I'm just listing it as I notice, and it stands out to me. I'm just assuming that you want all the Homeworlds presented consistently, and seeing as how these things are basically drafts (very, very nice drafts), I actually assumed that you would fix this later anyway, but maybe you cut it out to conserve space, or maybe you forgot. Either way, thought I'd mention it.

Regarding Paradise World, I also reacted to the fact that they're assumed to be Highborn. I see no reason for this, personally, because depending on where you live, it might just as well be a bungalow by the sea, or a cottage somewhere, or maybe you're part of a servant family, because there has to be a massive workforce on those Paradise Worlds for all the visitors and highborns, and these servants will naturally procreate. I could see Peer (Nobility), if only for the fact that it is likely that someone will interact with lots of Nobility either way, but I see no reason why a Paradise Worlder would be assumed to be groomed for authority. Perhaps replace the choice of Air of Authority with something else?

That's all I could think of for now. Time to make food.

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Don't you think that too much chances for "paradise world" in Table 1-1? In Calixis, for example, only 6 of these worlds.

 

I'll be re-balancing the table percentiles. During the drafting process I tend to jot down a few semi-consistent numbers, and marginally change things as I add rows to the table. 

 

 

War Waster character begin with Survival as trained skill - and from Primal Endurance they treat Survival as basic skill. It make no sense.

Furthermore, in some origins characters begin without any Speak Language skill.

 

It doesn't make sense - an abherration that must be cleansed with Holy Promethium! =D (That is part of the review and drafting process. Thanks for catching that!)

 

In the case of Speak Language skills, War Waste and War Zones were intentionally lacking any 'Dialects'. Agri-World, Paradise World and Mining Worlds were oversights. (All careers start with Speak Language (Low Gothic) )

 

 

War Waste and especially War Zone origin gives more bonuses than penalties for characteristics.

 

I'll need to address that.

 

 

 

Here is a link to the first chapter overall 

Wow, that looks absolutely stellar. Are these .pdf:s locked? Because I'm working on my own stuff, currently only written in Word, but at some point I'd like to move on and start turning it all into proper .pdf:s.

 

Can't recall if they are locked, but if you swing over to the log on Dark Reign you can find a .zip file with a template and images I used ( I created it for Green Knight). 

 

 

 

Agri-World is missing attribution on it's quote, even if that attribution would just be "Tarsonius Verdicum, Farmlord of Groxarius XII" or whatever "Unknown mudpeddler".

Mining World is missing a quote.

Paradise World is missing attribution on it's quote.

I.. feel like I'm nitpicking here, but honestly, I'm just listing it as I notice, and it stands out to me. I'm just assuming that you want all the Homeworlds presented consistently, and seeing as how these things are basically drafts (very, very nice drafts), I actually assumed that you would fix this later anyway, but maybe you cut it out to conserve space, or maybe you forgot. Either way, thought I'd mention it.

 

Please do nitpick! lol I intend to write quotes and attributions for each origin - I like those small touches that build on the atmosphere. 

 

War Waste and War Zone are eerily similar. Not mechanically, but the way it's described. War-Zone, the way I read it, basically reads as a homeworld ravaged by war. Past tense. And now awaiting resettling or restoration of order. This is the entire niche of the War Waste as well, the way I read it.

Perhaps you intended it to be different, and perhaps it's just me reading it wrong, or perhaps you need to refluff it, I don't know, it's just my impression.

 

I might have to refluff both to drive the distinction home. While there is some inevitable overlap, there is a very important difference between the two. War Wastes are places that are dying (from radiation, lack of resources, etc). These worlds are largely abandoned by the Imperium. Movies like Eli, Priest, Water World, Children of Men, The Road, and games like Fallout would be the source of inspiration for War Wastes. Mutants

 

War Zones are meant to be the progenitor of such worlds where armies clash, orbital bombardments rip apart cities at a moment's notice. The likely hood of running into a cache of goods is as likely as running into a marauding band of the enemy (Orks, rebels, hostile soldiers) or a pitched fire fight. 

 

 

Feudal World. I love it. I'd add that Acolytes of the Feudal World Homeworld are assumed to know at least the basics of Low Gothic, and may use it as a Basic Skill if necessary. The reasons for this should be self-evident, unless your intention is to make Feudal World an option only when playing a game where everyone is from the same Feudal World (which could be awesome) or forcing the player to actually take Speak Language (Low Gothic) as an Elite Advance with his starting experience.

I do love Feudal World, though.

 

That would have been a nice touch if it were mechanically sound, but I can't think of any career in Dark Heresy that doesn't start with the Speak Language (Low Gothic) Skills (pages 24-27 of the Dark Heresy Rulebook)

 

 

Regarding Paradise World, I also reacted to the fact that they're assumed to be Highborn. I see no reason for this, personally, because depending on where you live, it might just as well be a bungalow by the sea, or a cottage somewhere, or maybe you're part of a servant family, because there has to be a massive workforce on those Paradise Worlds for all the visitors and highborns, and these servants will naturally procreate. I could see Peer (Nobility), if only for the fact that it is likely that someone will interact with lots of Nobility either way, but I see no reason why a Paradise Worlder would be assumed to be groomed for authority. Perhaps replace the choice of Air of Authority with something else?

 

I honestly didn't consider that. Good call - retainers, their children, and a subservient class would be present even if to cater to the Imperial Elite. I'll have to revise that to reflect that more properly.

 

Thanks again Jargal and fgdsfg. =D 

Edited by Cogniczar

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[...]

 

Feudal World. I love it. I'd add that Acolytes of the Feudal World Homeworld are assumed to know at least the basics of Low Gothic, and may use it as a Basic Skill if necessary. The reasons for this should be self-evident, unless your intention is to make Feudal World an option only when playing a game where everyone is from the same Feudal World (which could be awesome) or forcing the player to actually take Speak Language (Low Gothic) as an Elite Advance with his starting experience.

I do love Feudal World, though.

 

That would have been a nice touch if it were mechanically sound, but I can't think of any career in Dark Heresy that doesn't start with the Speak Language (Low Gothic) Skills (pages 24-27 of the Dark Heresy Rulebook)

 

 

[...]

 

Well, guess I derp't out.

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Just added a link to chapter 1 revisions, and a separate one for Paradise world.

 

Didn't fix the tables yet. I changed the Highborn rule to 'Life of Leisure'. I think that might reflect better. Added another Origin, "Scion of the Night" for void born from Black Ships. 

 

Changed the descriptor in War Zone to tread less on War Waste.

 

Removed Survival as an untrained basic skill for Primal Endurance, War Waste.

 

Edit: Added quotes and attributions as well.

Edited by Cogniczar

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The "Orbital World" origin looks underdeveloped, and you have copy-pasted Void Accustomed trait from Scions of the Night without correcting.

Have you paid attention to the "Omicron 71-DX" origin from "The Lost Dataslate" book? Good example of orbital-born origin, IMO.

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Just checking through the stuff, and the first thing that stood out was Paradise World, Friends in Passing - I would change the wording regarding "powerbase", based on the previously mentioned possibility of someone from a Paradise World not at all being a political or a noble.

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The "Orbital World" origin looks underdeveloped, and you have copy-pasted Void Accustomed trait from Scions of the Night without correcting.

Have you paid attention to the "Omicron 71-DX" origin from "The Lost Dataslate" book? Good example of orbital-born origin, IMO.

 

I had even started work on it. Sometimes you'll catch things like that during the process. =D

 

 

Just checking through the stuff, and the first thing that stood out was Paradise World, Friends in Passing - I would change the wording regarding "powerbase", based on the previously mentioned possibility of someone from a Paradise World not at all being a political or a noble.

 

I changed it a little bit, not sure if it works. 

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