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You know you're playing Rogue Trader when…

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-The Void Master's first thoughts upon finding a space hulk floating in the void for thousands of untold millenia thinks "I can drive that."

 

- The Void Master's first thoughts upon finding a Carnodon. "I can drive that."

 

- He succeeds.

 

- The Void Master's first thoughts upon finding an Imperial Walker while riding said Carnodon. "I can drive that, while driving this."

 

- He succeeds.

 

- Your Rogue Trader feeds tribal populaces of two different planets with high-tech guns and cross-planetary batteries not for the profit, but because the Arch-Militant placed a bet that "The Red ones will win."

 

- Your Rogue Trader re-enacts the Horus Heresy last Showdown with every detail, including vat-grown clones that look like the Emprah, Horus, and everybody else in exact replicas of Horus's ship, because "Holo-movies are boring".

 

- The Seneschal convinces the clergy Emissaries that said reenactment not only isn't heretical, but what's actually heretical is to doubt the Rogue Trader's good intentions and thus, they should self-immolate.

 

- The Rogue Trader builds a graviton gun inside his hat, not to use it as a weapon, but to make his hat have a gravitational field of it's own.

 

- The Rogue Trader has to buy the elite advance "Forbidden Lore: The word 'No'" to know what the heck that means.

 

- The Rogue Trader starts using his gold as weapon, by literally burying his enemies alive in gold.

 

- Said gold avalanche ends being cheaper than sending troops down the planet.

 

- Or teleporting troops to the enemy vessels.

 

- The Astropath starts sending Abbadon prank calls for fun.

 

- The Explorator of the group starts receiving visits of Astartes that wish to become Techmarines, since Mars "Doesn't have the technolgical Edge anymore."

 

- A group of Grey Knights team up with a group of Deathwatch Marines just to raid the Rogue Trader's Trophy room.

 

- Said Team Up is never heard upon again.

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When your Real Life tax return takes 30minutes to go through and submit.

Then your Rogue Traders asset/PF list actually takes 2 hours to itemise... and that's just the planetary holdings, it becomes quicker to figure out what you don't own.

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When boarding run means shoot a squad of warhound titans at an enemy ship.

 

The fact that you have titans equipped to operate in space.

 

Said titans were made at one of your "smaller" colonies.

 

you started activating your teleporter just to see what random thing you grab off an enemy ship.

 

The kroot shaper you let run around your bilge is starting to get a little weird looking.

 

You managed to trick an imperial world that you were in fact a black ship, took all of there psykers, then turned them in to receive the bounties from the real black ships.

 

no one noticed that all the high level psykers were missing from the holds.

Edited by htsmithium

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-When the Rogue Trader comes back with a thousand drive nailers and a million nails for a "colonial endeavor", no one raises an eyebrow.

 

-The Arch-Militant applies for a pilgrimage to the Lathe Worlds because aparently his spleen has not been weaponized yet.

 

-The Missionary, not to be outdone, tries to find a way to ingest promethium and use her breath as a weapon.

 

-The Explorator solves the Missionary's dillema by combining a digi-melta with a cigarette holder.  The results are stunning and the demand for the weapon amongst the nobility is massive.

 

-Later, the session devolves into an argument about whether converted natives that can use a longbow can immediately use a drive nailer since both are "Primitive (Basic)" weapons.

Edited by jabberwoky

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-When the Rogue Trader wishes to build up a lineage, he decides the best way is the Ottoman way: acquire a harem.

 

-The Arch-Militant, usually addicted to combat drugs, abstains from drinking "Boom Juice" not because of the chance that some of his organs may become nitro-glycerin, but because it tastes like pomegranate.

 

-The Explorator is greatly saddened about this- he spent six months perfecting the formula.  And several dozen crew members.

 

-The Seneschal has tried marketing the juice to Penal Legion commanders, but was ultimately turned down.  Stormtrooper attachments were jealous that penal legionairres were racking up more kills than them.

 

(I can't let the thread die!)

Edited by jabberwoky

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- When your ship is called "Delirium" and astropath and priest hate capitan.

 

- When Rouge Trader is actually a Void-master and betrayed his former capitan.

 

- When your ginger, pirate Void-mistress have sharpened theef and bite people to death.

 

- She also screwed with moust of the officers and arsmen.

 

- When your Arch-militiant love coconuts and big boobs...

 

- and when your cloned Navigator jumps into the warp, thinking this is what odd mental messages from cryogenic coffn cointaining Nostromo navigator ments. Coffin openes after arriving to the right sector. No harm done ship got new Navigator.

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- When your ship is called "Delirium" and astropath and priest hate capitan.

 

- When Rouge Trader is actually a Void-master and betrayed his former capitan.

 

 

 - And that Void-master is an albino non sanctioned mutated psyker, with white feather wings - hidden by srocery black arts learned with help of his mutated flying pet

- and his closes friends are slaaneshi daemonettes posing as 'normal' people

Edited by Cranmer

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-When megalomania is no longer a mental disease, but a means of diplomacy.

 

-The only way to access old government documents is to visit an inbred, extended family, who have memorized the document and have passed it down by oral tradition.

 

-When a piece of paper that says "________  ________ is a Rogue Trader and recieves all the entitled benefits" is the most valuable thing in the sector.

 

-When a sword-fight may be interrupted by a round of congratulatory hand-shaking for "a palpable hit".

 

-When a formal duel becomes a free-for-all fist-fight due to one of the spectators accidentally giving congratulations in Low Gothic.

 

-When owning only one gun that costs as much as a house is seen as being cheap.

 

-The four most dreaded words to a GM: "But Yarrick did it!"

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When your transports have a higher kill count than most imperial warships.

 

It is decided that vortex torpedoes aren't killy enough so the mek boy is allowed a go at them. 

 

Your Cobra destroyer has a nova cannon

 

You have enough spare Cobras and cannons to casually risk shooting the thing.

 

Do to some slightly heretical tinkering, your arch militant's thunderhammer not only has the trait "winged weapon" , but after glanding up has a longer range than most pistols. 

 

"not pilotable by humans is just an excuse to let the generator have some fun...:)

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When your transports have a higher kill count than most imperial warships.

-This is not including kamikaze runs of transports filled to the brim with promethium.  Then you might be getting into the kill count of a space marine battle barge.

Edited by jabberwoky

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When an enemy cruiser comes to initiate a boarding action against your frigate, and the first thought that comes to mind is, "oooh, new ship!"

 

When the Explorator is harder to kill than most Space Marines.

 

When the leader of your Kroot decides he's getting paid enough to go toe-to-toe with an Avatar of Khaine- and wins the fight.

Edited by apostateCourier

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-When the Rogue Trader is arrested by Adeptus Arbites, the Rogue Trader comes quietly and offers to build the prison himself (since there aren't any in the Koronus Expanse).

 

-When the Magistrates finally come to prosecute the Rogue Trader, they find the prison he built has become a governor's palace of a penal colony.  The charges are dropped in exchange for a tithe of penal legionairres.

Edited by jabberwoky

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- When you discover a race of friendly, harpylike abhumans, their leader  wants to bear your children, and you start picking out names.

 

- When your wife is likely the deadliest 14-year old in existence.

 

- When said wife is not ACTUALLY 14 years old, she's just  a master biomancer and she likes looking young (and taking advantage of the "innocent little girl" and "puppy dog eyes" powers).

 

-When a new and interesting daemon/mutant/alien drops in on your ship, it isn't a cause for concern...its a normal tuesday.

 

- When one of said arrivals is an orange tabby that somehow got on board, which the aforementioned wife immediately adopts and it becomes the Rogue Trader's family pet. It is later discovered that said cat is a daemon of Irony, whose other  form it can adopt in the materium is a rather attractive redhead. This discovery changes nothing. 

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- When you and your retinue manage to keep your Crew Moral so high your ship will be Hulked and the crew killed to the last before the very first moral test.

- When you and your retinue is so popular among the Crew that  you can open a Gift store with mementos, mugs, plushes, posters, calendars... And that you get back most of the crew salaries through it.

- When you and your retinue are famous enough through the Expanse that you can open such Gift Stores in Footfall and in all major stations. And get some nice Profit through this.

- When your Rogue Trader is so pious she is able to do miracles, and from now on, you can no more find St Drusus false relics in Footfall. Instead, the station plates where she walked were stolen, and counterfeiters are selling false relics from said RT.
 

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-An Administratum official makes an off-handed comment that the Rogue Trader is a "space pimp".  Later, the official gains an invite to a pleasure world in the expanse whose entire population was turned towards prostitution.

 

-This came about due to a misprinted Ecclesiarchal tome which said "Thou shalt commit adultery."  Apparently the Missionary firmly believes in doing things by-the-book.

 

-An Imperial Guard regiment from the pleasure world was recently dispatched to the Jericho Reach and met with resounding success.  Slaaneesh cultists are known to run in fear from them.

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-When bringing along 30 armed men, a dozen missile launchers, and a gold-plated battle tank is not overkill, but required for the endeavor the GM set up.

 

-When you would sacrifice all those things for a small, shiny xeno bauble in a heartbeat.

 

-The Arch-Militant is offered to become a colonel of an Imperial Guard regiment.  He turns down the offer because he doesn't get a Commissar Hat with the commission.

 

-When "charity" is considered a dirty word.

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