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You know you're playing Rogue Trader when…

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-when you have a ship the size of a city but can still forget where you parked it.

 

When you have several such ships and are not sure which one you left your stuff on.

 

When your magos biologis starts a genetic engineering program for your harem. 

 

When you have enough juvenat drugs to stay young long enough to find out if you got your money's worth.

 

If you have pict casters on your helmets so the player left behind on the ship knows just how lucky he is.

Edited by BaronIveagh

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When you are trying to find some inspiration for some critters to populate the system you just made and come across some of your legion/minion warbeasts. After reading thru Koronus bestiary, you can't help but cackle madly as you match-up the traits to what the models show...especially the fact that they don't need eyes to see and one of the planets is a night world. 

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When your Ork Kommando Makes Snikrot look like an amateur, can make full run actions in broad daylight without being spotted, but still insists on using an Ork (read: loud as all Warp) gun without a silencer because "Louder is killy-er!"

 

When, after much insisting, he agree's to test it on a target by firing two identical guns, one with a silencer on it and one without.

 

When, after the damage is more or less the same, the GM rules the Ork has to make a -60 WP test or take 1d10 insanity points due to "The intractable laws of reality suddenly ceasing to function"

 

When he fails, and gains a disorder

 

When that disorder is "rambling nonsense"

 

When the "nonsense" he rambles is about how loudness isn't equal to deadliness, so nobody really notices anyway.

 

Except the Weird and Mek Boyz, who are pretty close to taking him down to the shooting range and "Showin you ourselvez that you's wrong! Oi, hummie git, gimmie dat quiet pistol and that other, not quiet pistol soz I can show dis grot da laws of SCIENCE on dos targets ovva der!"

PM me and teach me thy ways plz!  I'm lvling up a Ork to Commando atm.

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You know your playing rogue trader when you have over a thousand jokearo on your ship but the captain still wants to "trade up"

 

As that old Heretical saying goes, a thousand Jokaeros working for a thousand days turn your coffee maker into a direct portal that summons the Thousand Sons to murder your entire crew and enslave you to the great Changer of Fate.

 

My crew had a Jokaero for awhile, and it modified a plasma pistol into a beautiful soap-bubble maker. My Rogue Trader tried it on everything for sessions before he came to accept that, while beautiful, it was now useless in combat.

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You know your playing rogue trader when you have over a thousand jokearo on your ship but the captain still wants to "trade up"

 

As that old Heretical saying goes, a thousand Jokaeros working for a thousand days turn your coffee maker into a direct portal that summons the Thousand Sons to murder your entire crew and enslave you to the great Changer of Fate.

 

My crew had a Jokaero for awhile, and it modified a plasma pistol into a beautiful soap-bubble maker. My Rogue Trader tried it on everything for sessions before he came to accept that, while beautiful, it was now useless in combat.

 

 

Although 

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- Your ships Archeotech Cogitator has become self aware and is turning twists into servitors under its control, but you don't care because both your crew population and mutant problems have been solved.

 

-  You've built such a reputation that your threats are enough to win fights, even though your macro batteries have been out of ammo for months and you are storing your horde of cleaning supplies in the magazines. 

 

- You use your Teleportarium to beam the great warp demon off your ship and into the ship of a rival, because you have no weapons that can hurt it and the captain of the other ship would not share his good wine with you.

 

- Your RT and his Officer staff are stuck in a hallway, taking turns with his Archeotech laspistol shooting at a Sentry, because none of them have enough Ballistic skill to it ( a stationary object)

 

- Your RT stabs the arc-heretic, after he surrenders because the RT remembers mercy is not currently in style this season

 

- Your RT Insists he can fly the lander, because he used to all time, but ends up crashing it. Insisting it was mechanical difficulties he uses the teleportarium to get back to the ship, to try again. Until he crashes every lander the ship has.

 

- The RT then abandons the mission, to go back to Port to buy more landers, to prove that he can infact still fly.

 

- The RT buys and crashes all the landers in the local star system and the two a joining star systems.

 

- The RT them buys a manufactorum to make landers... and still can not successfully land them.

 

- The RT has a 60% skill in landers...

 

 

 

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-When the crew enters the Silver Ship and decide to take it over instead of looting it.

 

I already said that.

 

when circumstances make the GM's only options:

1. extreme railroading

2. TPK

3. let the RT keep the Silver Ship as his flagship

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-When the crew enters the Silver Ship and decide to take it over instead of looting it.

 

I already said that.

 

when circumstances make the GM's only options:

1. extreme railroading

2. TPK

3. let the RT keep the Silver Ship as his flagship

 

Oops.  Sorry.  D:

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Good to see the thread is still going.

 

-When the Rogue Trader requires three slaves to carry his moustache as he walks about.

 

-When the Arch-Militant is a beard model for the Space Wolves.

 

-When the Seneschal begins calling himself "Littlefinger" for some reason.

Edited by jabberwoky

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- When new instruments such as chain or power-bagpipes are invented for some of the players' household troops (scootish paratrooper mercenaries and  dynastic own Death corp, , the all-black clad and skull covered, only melee weapon wielding, guardsmen unit composed of armsmen and voidsmen survivors of destroyed dynastic ships.)

 

- When major forge worlds, including Mars, sent Ark mechancisus vessels following around the player's flagship, in order to trie to ge him ( it's a He! remember, your life can depend on this!).for study. And the basically behave like a bunch of binary-squeeing fangirls.

 

In this very thread, I talked about the events named the Second Defenestration of Footfall.  here is the details about the First.

 

- When a rival of the Rogue Trader managed to get a copy of genetic material, and created 5k copies,  sold  and gifted them as cheap whores with a programmed slutty behavior,in Footfall and beyond.

 

- When said Rogue Trader ordered the complete purge and conquest of Freackin' Footfall, when she was slapped on the ass by a noble in front of the Doge, thinking she was one said cheap *****, in a fancy costum. Takig into context that said female RT is considered by many as a living Saint...

 

-When said purge, excluding the airlocking manually done by the RT, was essentially a Tank regiment assaut. IN a space station. while playing the Panzerlied over and over.

 

-When the RT ordered that all the clones to be gathered...and then the programming removed, and that they were sterilised -and all the ... incidents incured before hand avorted-. and  military drilled, and equipped with the best assaut equipment available.

 

-When the rival is about to face very soon a very pissed off RT and 5k clones of her as the spearhead of the next boarding action...

 

 

 

 

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Concerning power bagpipes : standard ones were not considered fancy enough. Lathes-wrought bagpipes were tested, but the Lois pattern flaming power bagpipe was an instant favorite.

and the standard houselhold troops were given chain-bagpipes.

 

Is the RT named Alice by chance?

 

Nope. Named Lonallyn Victrix IV Anastasia Von Ragriz (that's the short name). the copies have been nicknamed the Clonallyns, of course.

 

 By the way...

 

-When the original RT can be recognised from a clone by the sole fact she makes any metal detector to go berzerk. that, Or the fact she can fly, melt you with her integrated volkite weaponry, or can supplex a tank for **** and giggles.
 

- When there is an ongoing wager between the other officers (and players) about the fact she'll try the Sabine Move ( supplex a friggin' train), the Sanguinius (supplex a greater Deamon or Avatar of Khaine), or the Ravensburg Special (supplexing a Starship). Even though the campaign is soon to end, the odds are still good, especially considering  the Tank AND the Dinosaur supplex were done in the same fight...

 

- Current fight is the players fleet against about 2000 ennemies vessels : cloned Imperial vessels, including battleships, all corrupted by Yu'vath witchcraft, with Slaughts frigates and the full Rak'Gol swarm. And a corrupted Eldar craftsworld the size of Jupiter into the fray.

that's not the real climax fight, though.

it will be against Erasmus Motherfuckin' Haarlock's Spear of Destiny. 

I give you three guesses to find which they'd rather face.

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When in the middle of a battle with Erasmus Haarlock's flagship the ship's ident codes change from Spear of Destiny to Blade of Vengeance. While your bridge crew is going what-the-**** your head of security gives you this report "Sir, we've been boarded. They teleported a ******* titan." Said titan is loudly proclaiming itself to be the Spear of Destiny.

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when the RT, after being teleported and saved from near total TPK (enacted by the players who decided to use an orbital bombardment on top of themselves to prevent a Chaos Daemon incursion) by a Deathwatch ship, gets teleported back to his own ship and ends up in the ladies shower room and ends up being raped by an extremely horny, extremely butt naked, female Ogryn.

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when the RT, after being teleported and saved from near total TPK (enacted by the players who decided to use an orbital bombardment on top of themselves to prevent a Chaos Daemon incursion) by a Deathwatch ship, gets teleported back to his own ship and ends up in the ladies shower room and ends up being raped by an extremely horny, extremely butt naked, female Ogryn.

 

And that's how Slaanesh gets even. :P

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in the dynasties expenses report there is a note under weapon allocations for your flagship that reads---torpedoes...nothing announces your dynasties greatness like having a wave of boarding torpedoes all carrying  servitor marching bands  to make sure you have a proper welcome when you board the enemy ship.

 

Your gun crews are so proficient with the disruption macro batteries that it has become a real concern about how to receive opposition's surrender when they have no power.

 

This lead to the local ork boy "volunteering" to be sent over with a portable vox to duct tape to the bridge of the enemy ship to solve this issue.  

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During an encounter with a chaos battleship the VM gets it into his head that he'll take it out without assistance. Towards that goal he loaded up a gun cutter with three vortex torpedo warheads and went to ram the enemy. For the entirety of the encounter the VM recieved a +30 situational bonus to all tests, this was because of "... 100 CCs of ethanol, the chaos tainted sacrificial knife, one of those plants we picked up from burnscour, and three rolls of duct tape." (I still have no idea what any of that had to do with the kabalite's "recreational whips")

Edited by Marcus102

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You have to explain to an explorer why the robot crafting station from fallout 4 does not work for servitors. 

Then they meet tau and the idea for modular parts, and now it does work. 

now the idea of the tech-priests jumping in and setting it to randomize is an actual thing. 

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