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You know you're playing Rogue Trader when…

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If, following your fine leadership example, members of your house troops scam the Sororitas contingent on board into appearing in a bikini calender.

 

If your astropath has, following a significant bribe, also agreed to appear in said calender, in a slingshot.

 

If the only reason the Rogue Trader knows any of this happened is that the magos biologis was upset she DID NOT appear in said bikini calender and started a project to appear less disturbing to the crew without impacting her other abilities.  Which in turn led to the seneschal being asked to procure '20 pairs of the finest breasts available'.  Which in turn led to some questions about what exactly was going on in the Medicae Deck.

 

If the daemonhost you have as your personal adviser is ALSO mad he didn't get to appear in the calender. Also, the daemonhost is a daemon of khorne.

 

 

I wouldn't mind having a Valkia the Bloody pin-up in my room...

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When you make a pact with the Ruinous Powers to gain the power to warp reality ONCE, and you use it to turn the promethium deposits on one of your worlds into recaf to save money on waking up the crew.

 

When Creed shouts YOUR name.

 

When you try (and succeed) at getting a "Licence to Commit Heresy" from the Inquisition, which you whip out whenever they try and bother you.

 

When the protest you making copies of the licence and selling them, you whip out your own, smile, and point to the Line on the "Rules and Regulations Regarding Usage of the Holy Documents  of The Adminstratium" stating that "bootlegging government documents is heresy", and point to the title of your licence.

 

When you spend dozens of profit factor to find a way to separate Tyranids from their Hive Mind simply so you can have a Trygon as a pet

 

When you get a (12k long) Mass Conveyor simply so you can house it and play fetch with it. 

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When you make a pact with the Ruinous Powers to gain the power to warp reality ONCE, and you use it to turn the promethium deposits on one of your worlds into recaf to save money on waking up the crew.

 

When Creed shouts YOUR name.

 

When you try (and succeed) at getting a "Licence to Commit Heresy" from the Inquisition, which you whip out whenever they try and bother you.

 

When the protest you making copies of the licence and selling them, you whip out your own, smile, and point to the Line on the "Rules and Regulations Regarding Usage of the Holy Documents  of The Adminstratium" stating that "bootlegging government documents is heresy", and point to the title of your licence.

 

When you spend dozens of profit factor to find a way to separate Tyranids from their Hive Mind simply so you can have a Trygon as a pet

 

When you get a (12k long) Mass Conveyor simply so you can house it and play fetch with it. 

This is just the best thing ever XD

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The Arch-militant quells a rebellion in the lower decks by beating several crewmen to death with his belt (while his pants are around his ankles).

 

His favorite hobby is sewing. Mostly using the skin of Eldar he flayed with his machete.

 

He ate the deep warp eel and got unnatural strength. He assumes his robotic arms are just REALLY good.

 

The Seneschal joined us about a half dozen sessions into the game. He was there the whole time, just inventorying light bulbs on the ship. 

 

He hears voices trying to help him figure out how to convince enough orks that they don't exist so they stop existing. (The voice belongs to a Daemonhost).

 

The Explorator thought it was a good idea to make floating murder servitors out of  octopi, Eldar grav belts, and other bionic bits. The first one tried to strangle the Rogue Trader.

 

The Rogue Traders middle name is Mengsk. Rampant megalomania ensues.

  •  Took it personally that Hadrak Fel tried to loot the Righteous Path.
  • Booby trapped his Chimera on Footfall with halluciongen grenades. He thought he was invisible and dying. His Void Master cut off her leg.
  • They finally settled things on Quappa Psi 12. They both burned fate points. Fel was dead, Mengsk took a plasma pistol to the face and had part of it melted off. The Arch-militant ripped Fels head and spine out and ran off into the woods with it with the Rogue Trader thrashing around on the floor screaming for him to bring back his security skull.

 

I think my players are disturbed.

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Hmmm Mengsk, Minsk, Minsc. That reminds me, I need a miniature giant space hamster in my game. The Missionary already has a giant land squid and a Grinx, that psychic bobcat from Lure. He'll probably ****** it up. Wow, s n a t ch is censored... OK, sure.

Edited by Spatulaodoom

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-When the Arch Militant and the Explorator decide it would be a wonderful idea to form your entire fleet into a receiver for the galaxy's largest gatling Nova Cannon.

 

-When the Rogue Trader agrees with said concept and asks if it's possible to fit two

 

-When the Inquisition comes to ask for your aid and realizes that your capital ship houses more xenos than Babylon V,  and can do nothing but grin and bear it, lest they incur your wrath

 

-When the Corsair Eldar seneschal is more trusted by your crew than the ex-Commissar Rogue Trader

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I love the sickly little cherubs above  ^^^^

 

==================

 

 

In one RT game, there was only one xeno on board. he was an Ork mek-boy named Zagrad.

but when they went to dock or planet-side, he wore pure white armor, with a full face mask helm,

did not speak, and everyone just called him Stig.

Edited by Egyptoid

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I think one of the 40k rpg books had stats for a chain HAMMER.

 

My gm has house rulled that (n)pcs who encounter a character wielding such a weapon must succeed at a willpower test, or facepalm.

 

Your chainclub is less silly than that friggin' chainhammer. Nice art to.

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I love the sickly little cherubs above  ^^^^

 

==================

 

 

In one RT game, there was only one xeno on board. he was an Ork mek-boy named Zagrad.

but when they went to dock or planet-side, he wore pure white armor, with a full face mask helm,

did not speak, and everyone just called him Stig.

 

Was he a Speed Freak?

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I think one of the 40k rpg books had stats for a chain HAMMER.

 

My gm has house rulled that (n)pcs who encounter a character wielding such a weapon must succeed at a willpower test, or facepalm.

 

Your chainclub is less silly than that friggin' chainhammer. Nice art to.

 

Heh thank you, it is from the artist that run this little comic if you wanna see more http://www.belloflostsouls.net/search/label/The%20Emperor%27s%20Beard

 

Ohh and there is a chain flail in... I think it was one of the Only War books, talk about face palm there.

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I think one of the 40k rpg books had stats for a chain HAMMER.

 

My gm has house rulled that (n)pcs who encounter a character wielding such a weapon must succeed at a willpower test, or facepalm.

"Cheese grater to the forehead."

It's an intimidation thing.

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I think one of the 40k rpg books had stats for a chain HAMMER.

 

My gm has house rulled that (n)pcs who encounter a character wielding such a weapon must succeed at a willpower test, or facepalm.

 

Your chainclub is less silly than that friggin' chainhammer. Nice art to.

 

Heh thank you, it is from the artist that run this little comic if you wanna see more http://www.belloflostsouls.net/search/label/The%20Emperor%27s%20Beard

 

Ohh and there is a chain flail in... I think it was one of the Only War books, talk about face palm there.

 

 

I actually like that one, it's stupid, but also very Khornate, to swing what's basically a bunch of linked together chainsaws around. (it also features in the 40k novel Atlas Infernal)

Now me, i'd like to see a gaint chain scissors, or dual eviscerator (think Darth Maul with chainswords)

Or the lovely dual chainfist that Gigan here is modelling:

 

finalwars9h.jpg

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I think one of the 40k rpg books had stats for a chain HAMMER.

 

My gm has house rulled that (n)pcs who encounter a character wielding such a weapon must succeed at a willpower test, or facepalm.

 

Your chainclub is less silly than that friggin' chainhammer. Nice art to.

 

 

I did something similar for chain flails.  The fact that it made it past the idea stage is worthy of a double face palm, but the same writer tried to argue with me that a khopesh was not a type of sickle sword.  Hopefully he's since realized that it is, in much the same way matchlock is, in fact, a gun.

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@Baronlveagh

Yeah, but chain flails are so lovingly khornate! Its literally a square head with four or so cutting heads. And you FLAIL IT at people's heads!

 

I'll just go jump off a bridge after that pun.

 

Anyway though, It would be perfectly reasonable to say that some maddened Red Redemptionist/Maccabean/average Missionary would be all over that bad boy. I would keep it on the wall, and then break it out for crazy party tricks. Because you know, i'm a Rogue Trader, I can't die! I have too much work! (Really, its because my ego is so inflated it forms an actual force shield with a Protection Rating equal to my Willpower)

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@Baronlveagh

Yeah, but chain flails are so lovingly khornate! Its literally a square head with four or so cutting heads. And you FLAIL IT at people's heads!

 

 

No, it's khornate in that he cares not from whence the blood flows, so long as it does, since it would hit the target, kick back, and hit you.

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When the most powerful weapon on your ship isn't a plasma macrobattery, isn't the warp rift nova canon shells, isn't the armageddon gun 2.0 your Explorator made, but your Arch Militant in a boarding torpedo.

Oh god, this comment sums up our AM so **** well. 

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Encountering an ancient Xenos space station used by dozens of pirate ships to raid the koronus expanse, you dock to learn that your rogue trader family has owned it for some 250 years and said pirates have built up a small fortune as tribute to you. 

 

"Wait...we're the pirates?"

 

 

At which point you take the tribute, wish the pirate consortium all the best and promptly activate the station's self-destruct mechanism on the way out.

 

"Well, that takes care of that."

 

 

On activation, the misunderstood mechanism instead transfers the Xenos station instantly into the warp along with the seven docked pirate ships. Your GM casually mentions "If anyone wants to make a pact with the ruinous powers, you've just given them a pretty significant sacrifice." Your first (and best) idea is to quietly leave and pretend it never happened.

 

"I foresee no negative consequences from this turn of events"

 

 

Following a detailed description of the serious ramifications from your navigator, missionary and a now giggling GM, you decide to ACT! In an effort to un-wreck the situation (possible space hulk, multiple new chaos raider ships, a xenos station that can transfer seemingly at will between the warp and real space in the hands of chaos and a very angry pirate lord about to become your personal nemesis) you jump into the warp, boarding the now daemon-infested station who are fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your point of view) distracted by the monumental feast you have accidentally provided. Your objective is to bring the station back into real space and cleanse it of everything.

 

"Get those fate points ready guys."

 

The night then ends with a large "To be continued..." tacked on to the end...again.

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- When, at the Gamemaster's utter surprise -as bewilderment from the other players-, the  Vostroyan master of Ordinance, which has shown no other interests in the game than booze, womanizing, and killing more starships than the average warpstorm, want to learn how to draw and to sculpt, instead of trying to become even deadlier.

 

-When everything goes back to normal when she decide to sculpt  macro-statues of the Rogue Trader with capital weaponry from orbit when exploring unclaimed worlds.  Or at danger close range of other RT's colonies just to warn them of the incoming change in their hierarchy...

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