antijoke_13

You know you're playing Rogue Trader when…

583 posts in this topic

Every so often your group captures an enemy frigate, not to add to the fleet but to let the dark eldar crew members have a bit of "fun" between jobs

 

The Halo device option on the warrant path is taken literally and there is a small stock pile on board

Halo servitors is now a thing

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It is a crime punishable by death in the Imperium for a citizen to be taken hostage by an enemy of the Imperium. And yes that is open to quite some interpretation...

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You know you are playing Rogue Trader, when you insist on teleporting the ork boarding parties leader directly in front of you, so your Ork pet can kill him and boss the surviving orks around.

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If on entering the Dark Eldar arena in Soul Reaver, your archmilitant loudly declares 'TEST YOUR MIGHT!" and then successfully impresses the wych cult to the degree they offer to induct her.

 

If during the Soul Reaver, you had no issues with the Space Marine overshadowing your party even though he was present the whole time.

 

If you think that Terminator Armor is formal wear...

 

If you have ever destroyed a planet accidentally...

 

If the players have ever broken into song when the missionary is revealed to have been killed and eaten...

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If you think that Terminator Armor is formal wear...

-When you also have "casual wear" and "evening wear" Terminator Armor.

-The Rogue Trader goes into a murderous rage when the "ship" he was promised by a Feudal World noble is made of wood and has sails on it.

-The Void-Master, usually quite happy with acquiring a new vehicle, is rather miffed because a galleon doesn't fit inside a Halo Barge, and can't be transported onto their space ship.

-The Explorator, however, finds a way to transport it though. It involves constructing a gigantic glass bottle...

Edited by jabberwoky

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If you have ever destroyed a planet accidentally...

 

I assume you are referring to the official reports...in reality it was totally on purpose.  A distraction to keep the locals occupied so you could escape the system with whatever relics are now in your hold.

 

Or for the money...we once filled our holds with all manner of beasts from Burnscour, then annihilated the world with asteroids so that the value of our cargo increased exponentially!  A different campaign...a simpler time!

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If you have ever destroyed a planet accidentally...

 

I assume you are referring to the official reports...in reality it was totally on purpose.  A distraction to keep the locals occupied so you could escape the system with whatever relics are now in your hold.

 

Or for the money...we once filled our holds with all manner of beasts from Burnscour, then annihilated the world with asteroids so that the value of our cargo increased exponentially!  A different campaign...a simpler time!

 

 

Now that's poor business sense; why destroy the entire ecosystem when you can just have the Explorator modify the genes in the wildlife to increase the rate of genetic mutations before destabilizing the ecosystem enough for a mass extinction event to occur, thereby making your existing stock of wildlife very valuable while also ensuring that new (potentially more) valuable wildlife is produced?

 

You might even end up with creatures worth using in the Explorator's as of yet still unsuccessful ultimate bioweapon plans (but don't tell him that, he may not feel anger anymore, but he'll still annihilate you for your lack of faith in his probably heretical scientific method), or that the Arch-Militant might want to hunt/eat/keep as pets to replace those squigs of his. Really, those things should never have been allowed on board; they spread like the plague, eat everything, and I'm pretty sure a bunch of feral Orks have evolved in the black holds. Truly, it's a shame the feral Orks develop firearms before basic communication; it makes it hard to keep a population of them on board as boarding crews without seriously modifying their basic biology, and that seems to adversely affect their ability to make any pile of scrap into dangerous weaponry, meaning you'd actually have to equip them, and Emperor knows nobody has disposable income for that...

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If you have ever destroyed a planet accidentally...

 

I assume you are referring to the official reports...in reality it was totally on purpose.  A distraction to keep the locals occupied so you could escape the system with whatever relics are now in your hold.

 

Or for the money...we once filled our holds with all manner of beasts from Burnscour, then annihilated the world with asteroids so that the value of our cargo increased exponentially!  A different campaign...a simpler time!

 

 

Now that's poor business sense; why destroy the entire ecosystem when you can just have the Explorator modify the genes in the wildlife to increase the rate of genetic mutations before destabilizing the ecosystem enough for a mass extinction event to occur, thereby making your existing stock of wildlife very valuable while also ensuring that new (potentially more) valuable wildlife is produced?

 

You might even end up with creatures worth using in the Explorator's as of yet still unsuccessful ultimate bioweapon plans (but don't tell him that, he may not feel anger anymore, but he'll still annihilate you for your lack of faith in his probably heretical scientific method), or that the Arch-Militant might want to hunt/eat/keep as pets to replace those squigs of his. Really, those things should never have been allowed on board; they spread like the plague, eat everything, and I'm pretty sure a bunch of feral Orks have evolved in the black holds. Truly, it's a shame the feral Orks develop firearms before basic communication; it makes it hard to keep a population of them on board as boarding crews without seriously modifying their basic biology, and that seems to adversely affect their ability to make any pile of scrap into dangerous weaponry, meaning you'd actually have to equip them, and Emperor knows nobody has disposable income for that...

 

 

I have officially Been out-rogue tradered!  As always, one must always assume that no matter how grand your plan is, it's never enough!

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When your group haphazardly invades a derelict void station and encounters two types of hostiles, one human and feral, the other servitor and murderous, and discovers that the servitors have a safety feature (a preset kill limit) then  herds the ferals towards the killbots--I mean 'combat servitors'--so that they are wiped out and the servitors shut down. 

 

And then promptly try to remove the kill limit after inviting our would-be allies over for a conciliatory and celebratory dinner. 

 

Oh, and putting the murder-servitor factory deep within the bowels of the station online and making new ones without kill limits. They're for sale in the Heathen Stars if you guys are interested... 

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If you have ever destroyed a planet accidentally...

 

I assume you are referring to the official reports...in reality it was totally on purpose.  A distraction to keep the locals occupied so you could escape the system with whatever relics are now in your hold.

 

Or for the money...we once filled our holds with all manner of beasts from Burnscour, then annihilated the world with asteroids so that the value of our cargo increased exponentially!  A different campaign...a simpler time!

 

 

Now that's poor business sense; why destroy the entire ecosystem when you can just have the Explorator modify the genes in the wildlife to increase the rate of genetic mutations before destabilizing the ecosystem enough for a mass extinction event to occur, thereby making your existing stock of wildlife very valuable while also ensuring that new (potentially more) valuable wildlife is produced?

 

You might even end up with creatures worth using in the Explorator's as of yet still unsuccessful ultimate bioweapon plans (but don't tell him that, he may not feel anger anymore, but he'll still annihilate you for your lack of faith in his probably heretical scientific method), or that the Arch-Militant might want to hunt/eat/keep as pets to replace those squigs of his. Really, those things should never have been allowed on board; they spread like the plague, eat everything, and I'm pretty sure a bunch of feral Orks have evolved in the black holds. Truly, it's a shame the feral Orks develop firearms before basic communication; it makes it hard to keep a population of them on board as boarding crews without seriously modifying their basic biology, and that seems to adversely affect their ability to make any pile of scrap into dangerous weaponry, meaning you'd actually have to equip them, and Emperor knows nobody has disposable income for that...

 

 

I have officially Been out-rogue tradered!  As always, one must always assume that no matter how grand your plan is, it's never enough!

 

 

Can I Sig this? My players tend to trawl these forums, and have even tried to steal a few ideas from this thread (the fools...), and need to know fear!

 

But back on subject, you know you're playing Rogue Trader when :

 

When genocide is considered a perfectly acceptable solution to failed trade talks. After all, if you can't get that trade deal, no one should. Plus, any remaining artifacts from the now defunct species are suddenly worth a lot more, and, by right of conquest, all belong to you!

 

When your Missionary opposes mass murder of heathens for once, because he would have loved to see the xeno's religion before condemning it all to the Emperor's holy flames, if only to understand another way the Great Enemy can insinuate himself among the living.

 

When you're pretty sure that the Explorator has been using the forbidden bilge decks as some sort of evolutionary Thunderdome, pitting cybered up and genetically modded creatures harvested from across the sector's most dangerous deathworlds, vilest heretical blood pits and even among Commorragh's finest in an effort to breed the most dangerous creature in the universe.

 

When you're not even surprised when haemonculi ask for visiting rights to get ideas of their own because they are absolutely terrified of what would happen if they tried to steal your possessions, and your Tech-Priest accepts out of pity for what he sees as novices in the fine art of heretical bioengineering.

 

When you win a manor in Commorragh from a high stakes game of cards with a Dark Eldar Archon and actually pay the city a visit once in a while.

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You know you're playing Rogue Trader when upon finding a surviving on a wrecked ship the Astrotelepath and Navigator immediately use their powers to read the poor wretches mind and detect any taint in him, before the RT can even properly talk to him to ask him anything.

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You know you're playing Rogue Trader when upon finding a surviving on a wrecked ship the Astrotelepath and Navigator immediately use their powers to read the poor wretches mind and detect any taint in him, before the RT can even properly talk to him to ask him anything.

-You know you're playing Dark Heresy when the above happens...

-When the reply to the GM's request of a Fear check is "Nope. Too insane."

-When the Void Master manages to pull a J-turn in a Grand Cruiser.

-When the name of the upcoming module is called "War of the Hats".

Edited by jabberwoky

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When Fabius Bile takes a look at your explorator's experiments and says they need to tone it down.

 

 

When the Eye of Terror places an embargo on any further imports by the Rogue Trader.

 

When Doomrider wants to buy the Explorator's combat bike.  And some of the genetically enhanced super pot.

Edited by BaronIveagh
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