antijoke_13

You know you're playing Rogue Trader when…

565 posts in this topic

26 minutes ago, Marcus102 said:

When your new player decides to make a double-agent seneschal and you realize that, in your two PCs to a player game, there are more factions that the seneschal can be a double-agent for than there are PCs.

When you fix that problem by being an agent for ALL of them.

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4 hours ago, InquistiorCalinx said:

When you fix that problem by being an agent for ALL of them.

When that means that, among others, you are working for the Tzeeentch cult that sees the dynasty as the greatest force for change in the sector, the other Tzeeentch cult that just wants to **** with people, the Ordo Chronus Inquisitor that recently married the RT, The Ordo Hereticus Inquisitor who may or may not have been killed by pirates before the first session, and the no less than four Inquisitorial Conclaves that are fighting each other to determine whether or not to perform Exterminatus on the system and who get's credit for it.

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... when, while stationed at the Egaria Omega xenoarcheological dig, the Rogue Trader and the party give up all conveniences and pass the night sleeping on the floor of the storage hab to guard the recovered artifacts, despite having dozens of household troops whom they could give the task to.

... when after killing a Rak Gol the Archmilitant smash its head to see how big the brain is and thus how much military strategy he can expect from the others.

 

 

hellisfurry likes this

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...when the Explorator catch an Eldar ranger by surprise and wants to shoot her in a leg "to capture her alive", despite the fact that he's weilding a melta gun at the moment. 

hellisfurry likes this

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15 hours ago, Sergeant Unclepear said:

...when the Explorator catch an Eldar ranger by surprise and wants to shoot her in a leg "to capture her alive", despite the fact that he's weilding a melta gun at the moment. 

When that is the only weapon that won't hit the torso along with the leg.

Sergeant Unclepear likes this

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Posted (edited)

...when fighting against a though alien in an eclosed space, the party orders their thirty troopers  to threw all the grenades they have againt the monster, despite the obvious risk of an unlucky ricochet. 

...when thus they consider a success that only ten troopers got killed by their own grenades.

 

Edited by Sergeant Unclepear

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14 hours ago, Sergeant Unclepear said:

...when fighting against a though alien in an eclosed space, the party orders their thirty troopers  to threw all the grenades they have againt the monster, despite the obvious risk of an unlucky ricochet. 

...when thus they consider a success that only ten troopers got killed by their own grenades.

 

When the troopers ALSO consider that a success

Sergeant Unclepear likes this

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When Khorne tells the Arch-Militant to chillax

When Slaneesh tells the RT he needs rehab for his obscura addiction

When Tzeentch reaches for the headache medication after listen to one of the seneschals less complicated plans

When Nurgle tells the Void Master to ease off on the virus torpedoes

When a Necron calls the Explorator a soulless machine when he asks for some of their tech

When they give him their tech anyway because they know he'll improve on it

When the Dark Eldar Kabalite tortures the crew.... With bad jokes and bag pipe/accordion music.

When the Dark Eldar haemonculi the friendliest and creepiest doctor in the universe. (yes, that friendliness is genuine)

When the above accepts being experimented on as payment for her services

When the crew still prefer her to the Explorator, due to his bedside manner being far worse, and him experimenting on them blatantly and without consent

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18 hours ago, InquistiorCalinx said:

When Khorne tells the Arch-Militant to chillax

When Slaneesh tells the RT he needs rehab for his obscura addiction

When Tzeentch reaches for the headache medication after listen to one of the seneschals less complicated plans

When Nurgle tells the Void Master to ease off on the virus torpedoes

When a Necron calls the Explorator a soulless machine when he asks for some of their tech

When they give him their tech anyway because they know he'll improve on it

When the Dark Eldar Kabalite tortures the crew.... With bad jokes and bag pipe/accordion music.

When the Dark Eldar haemonculi the friendliest and creepiest doctor in the universe. (yes, that friendliness is genuine)

When the above accepts being experimented on as payment for her services

When the crew still prefer her to the Explorator, due to his bedside manner being far worse, and him experimenting on them blatantly and without consent

When, not only are they more likely to survive an encounter with the Haemonculi, but the experiment is likely to have positive effects for the experimented upon.

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...when taking care of an injured enemy after a botched attempt on your life and buying dozens of slaves to use as suicide troops just an hour later is not considered a moral inconsistency at all.

Marcus102 likes this

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... when the Astropath start capturing enemies alive to create her own "puppet" show.

... when in battle you have dozens of guards defending you, but still charge alone in the midst of the enemy because a chainsword and your faith in the Emperor are the only protections you need.

... and you are actually deadlier than your dozens of guards. 

... when during a banquet you miresably fail to seduce a female rival, but you manage to amiably chit-chat with the master of a sadistic slavers' cabal.

 

 

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...when the plan to murder a rival involves a psychically-dominated suicide bomber with a remote-activated explosive charge planted in its stomach. 

... when the secondo plan to murder said rival involves a grapple-hawk and a handbag full of grenades.

... when both plans fails, but the Rogue Trader is still satisfied anyway because he ruffled some feathers and because the main plan is to obliterate its rival along with his ship once in the void.

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