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BrotherCaptainRJ

Your Funny Deathwatch Storys.

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 The first one, Barachiel, the Dark Angel lost both arms fighting a Carnifex. He did however in a moment of pure awesome threw a grenade in its mouth and killed it.

 

 

Throwing a grenade without arms? Now that is a hell of a feat!

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Just for you musungru - So my KT happend to deploy with a drop pod right into a brood nest (it was their idea, not mine...). While firing everything they had at the 'nids around them, the Librarian had a nice roll on the table and caused a Daemon Prince to appear. If I remember right, the distance he appeared matched the distance some warriors (on their way to the KT) were standing at that time, so he appeared in the middle of them(causing fear to them), with the heretics folllowing him going into combat with some Gargoyles that were flying around(giving the KT a chance of fighting the DP).

Because I haven't had to many Psy-active enemys before, I decided to make him a Tzeentch DP. Well, as he was targeting the lib his first action was to try to dominate him, in which he suceeded, planting the order to "release all the destructive warp power you can access to yourself and those around you" in his head. But lucky lib succeded the roll against suicidal orders (at least using a fate :) ).

Little did the daemon prince know, he wasn't the only one around cappable of the domination skill, as the KT was accompanied by an interrogator (mission was to test some of her psy skills, as such skills haven't appeared before - she's been a nun before her Inquisition career and had been rescued by the KT). Too bad she wasn't able to do anything, as she was affected by fear which caused the lib to send her to the ground (we don't wanna go into detail to much, as you never know if some inquisition agents are reading here ;) ). As soon as she got up again and snapped out of fear, she rolled to dominate the DP (which was ridiculous comparing their WP stats), but had a really lucky roll (the DP was really unlucky) and succeded - telling him to "Run!/Flee!".

I guess I'll never forget the expressions of my players when I told them the DP just disappeared, and that they should put their attention back to the warriors that snapped out of fear as the DP was gone.

What made it even more funny, is that the round before the DP disappeared, everyone in the KT dealt damage to him (or at least thought so...) and thus afterwards everyone was claiming he banished the DP(even though not really convincingly).

Edited by Avdnm

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Meanwhile the Sister is **** near at climax thinking about her AMAZING powers and how she can bend Demon Princes to her will and how she can USE EVIL to... wait for it... FIGHT EVIL.

 

 

I like her, personally.

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Whenever we had inquisitors or other such NPCs accompanying our KT, it alwasy ended up with us being in big trouble.

 

Interrigator recieves gift from planetary overlord, gift poisons her, now the kill team has to sully themselves by dealing with humans.

 

Half the PDF of the planet is taken over by chaos, along with a sizeable portion of the population, on top of that the gov didn't poison the gift, the enemy was just framing him.  Huge fight, us calling death to traitors and not caring how the little humans beg because they're weak and need to be exterminated for their own good.

 

Then we find out it was all the tricks of chaos.

 

Decide to kill everyone anyway to cover up our incompitence.

 

Never speak of it again.

 

"Oh, those guys?  Yeah, they were all bad, all of them."  *super sincere face, which looks more like a threat*

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Your KT went a little overboard with all the "contemptuous of lesser men" thing - I kind of imagine  what happens if a Chaplain spots that. Away to the pain glove with y'all! :)

Edited by musungu

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So I gm'd my first mission today, we had to call it a day halfway through but it went very well with a few funny moments.

 

Basically the mission was to create a distraction for our stealth guy, a wolf-scout who went into a Tau base to sabotage stuff. Our team consisted of said Wolf-Scout, a Stormseer whom I allowed to take a bike as signature wargear, an assault marine, a DA devastator, myself (as my own character that I will be using in other missions that my friend will be gming with the same group) as a Salamanders successor Librarian, and a custom Chapter Tac, Marine.

 

First off our Stormseer rammed his bike through the compound's walls and into a fire warrior barracks, he broke the magnitude 30 horde in there with a single pushed avenger, and proceeded to back out of the hole he made in the wall. Our Assault Marine, Kilgar (a Charcarodon from the planet of Kilgaria) proceeded to jump pack up onto the walls of the compound, where he saw an Ethereal being guarded by 2 Kroot Shapers, he basically activated the flyer trait from his pack and proceeded to fly through the windows where the Ethereal was. Now he rolled for his power armor and got the MK V, and his two histories were ones that both gave him Fear (1), so after smashing through the window one of the shapers is immobilized by fear, the other attacks him and his lacking hunting knife is unable to do any damage through Kilgar's armor and toughness. This happens several times. Kilgar goes after the feared shaper and manages to kill him and get the highest critical damage on his arm and torso so now everything around the dead shaper is splattered in blood. We all started laughing pretty hard as I read the description off the critical table. And then Kilgar yelled "I **** YOU FOR THE EMPEROR!"

 

Now our Stormseer, Khan Khaan, who has named his bike Maria (before our mission while we were requisitioning stuff he roleplayed him stroking his bike and talking to it, we all assume that he is practicing some chogorian tradition or something), rams another hole in the compounds wall and also rams into the living quarters of several Water Caste envoys, they are all somewhat terrified and he yells at them and uses his Vox-Caster to "sound like Darth Vader" and makes one of the envoys at gunpoint clean Maria with his face. We did not hear this and if we did we would question his purity.

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You guys ever do the Adventure where you go to Arum?  The world were everyone is Space Marine sized?

 

We were marveling over the term "hand fruit", the tree growing fruit on the world.  We were confused at first (we figured it was an apple or something, but still...HAND FRUIT!?) and continuously made jokes about the arumites because of it.  So at one point our tactical marine let one go, reached behind him and held his hand out to our scout and made a serious face.

 

"Have some hand gas."

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We've had exactly one session and the GM is running us through the introductory adventure in the core rulebook. I have deliberately avoided reading anything that might spoil any of it and I have no idea how off or on the rails we might be or which bits he may have fabricated himself on the spot so bear with me and don't spoil any future ****.

 

Well anyway on the ship ride aboard an RT vessel there was a rating who was involved in some strange crime, my character being a Blood Raven Librarian is a nosy prick who has to know everything about all stuff all the time looked into it out of curiosity and this led me to some room full of servitors that happened to be full of heretekal code. Long story short we don't have a tech Marine so after slapping down all but one we grappled it and restraining it we carried the thing all the way through the ship to the magos enginseer and made him investigate it and explain it to us.

 

Similarly when we reached out destination the local king guy wanted us to kill some dragon thing that ate some other things that were basically chocobos. I dealt it one damage by throwing a chocobo at it as hard as I could and then grappled it to mixed success because I couldn't use my psychic powers because we needed a clean trophy for politics and without my powers I'm the most useless ******* in the group by alot so I figured I'd just grapple and worst case it would be too busy beating the **** out of me to avoid getting killed by the Space Wolf Assault Marine and I was right.

 

So anyway after all that nonsense I consulted the wieght chart and determined that between the three of us we could carry the body, so we did. We carried the dead dragon thing all the way back to the king guy and dumped it on the floor of his throne room so he would know we were hardcore and then I told him to join the Imperium and stop being a pain.

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Last night, we found ourselves on the "Black Engine", a Chaos train no less, fighting a mutated psyker and its heretechservitor stooges. Our devastator, walking around with an excellent lascannon, decides to shoot the psykerthing in the face. With a casual roll of the die, he inflicts about 57 damage. Our GM describes:

 

"Instead of dodging the blast, the psyker jumps right in the middle of the beam. You notice a third eye on his forehead that starts glowing red". 

 

Meanwhile, the assault marine goes into frenzy, and I (librarian) throw a grenade in the middle of the servitors, calling upon the warp for a "true strike" to disable the psyker. The psyker decides to start barfing and create himself a barfshield to augment his armour.

 

Next round, our perhaps not so bright devastator (and incidently my real life brother), decides that the adagium "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" doesn't really apply to enemies and decides to take another shot at him. This time causing another whopping 45 damage. Our GM makes a facepalm and describes again that the psyker is now manicly laughing us in the face and that his red eye is glowing even brighter. 

 

The assault marine starts clearing up the servitors that came in melee range and I, to clear the path for him (to go melee with the psyker and my own pending melee attacks) use "avenger". Although this dispatches the servitors, the psyker seems only more pleased with this as the fire adds to his power.

 

The psyker then throws a ball of barf to the devastator, who dodges the projectile easily.

 

Then, our devastator, not hindered by any rational thought or strategy ("best defence is offence, right?"), blasts the psyker one more time with his lacannon, this time hitting the frakker with a whopping 68 damage. At that point, our GM, looking incredulous at the die, starts rolling some die himself, 10 of themdeclaring that the psyker has been overloaded and goes supernova, causing 78 damage in a 20 meter radius, which easily encompassed the whole kill team. 

 

Our devastator seemed a bit dumbfounded at that message...

 

In my defense, it did kill the psyker and we were all still standing. You cannot expect a devastator to understand the finer details of warp-witchcraft. At the time it was the most sound thing to do: the psyker got staggered with every shot and my battlebrother assured me he could block the psychic powers with his own. The resulting explosion was merely an unforseen consequence of a tactically sound maneuver. Besides, brother, this is how legends are born.

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Most recently, the Kill-team was sent to capture a chaos raider (subsequently to be used to infiltrate a stigmartus base)

 

The Kill-team hit the engineerium of the raider ship like an avalanche, bursting out of their assault ram with guns blazing. As you might expect, armsman units - even well-equipped ones - can't stand up to astartes in a close-quarter firefight.

 

They ripped through the maintenance decks, until they spotted (due to their telepathic librarian) that a flanking counterassault force was moving through an adjacent compartment. The Space Wolf - always one for decisive action - pulled off a mixed belt of frag grenades and demo charges and flung it through the bulkhead hatch towards the defenders, shoving it closed behind him.

 

A second or so afterwards, he noticed that the hatch had a sign on it saying "capacitor chamber" and "high energy systems - risk of explosion" on it.

 

(In fairness, these were also on the key to the map on the table in front of the players, not that they payed attention.)

 

He got as far as "Oh, Ar..." before most of the deck went up.

 

 

 

On the plus side, the raider did have an authentic 'battle damaged' look when it was used in the next mission.

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So this was intentional but funny nonetheless. At the start of our second mission we arrived at a mechanicus facility that was going to be raided by an Ork Kaptin and his large raiding force. We had to defend it and prevent him from getting inside and taking all the "shiny bitz". Upon arriving we met with the Commissar in charge of the penal legion tasked with defending the facility. Upon greeting the kill-team mid-sentence his head is blown off by a stray ork bullet, luckily our Black Templar was able to rally and restore the morale of the penal legionnaires.

 

Towards the end of our defense our Stormseer, who was on the inevitable path to being corrupted by chaos, took his bike out into battle and wound up being surrounded by a ton of boyz and gretchin. Now he has a tendency to push all of his powers, and he first off disabled his bike when rolling on psychic phenomena, and then got perils of the warp later and stunned himself after dismounting his bike (we are pretty sure that he mounted his bike in other ways somehow inbetween missions. By the time he recovers from being stunned our reinforcements arrived and because he was in the middle of the largest concentration of enemies, he was on the receiving end of a basilisk artillery barrage.

 

Needless to say he is no longer with us. Although we aren't too upset about that because he would have probably wound up summoning a Daemon Prince at an inconvenient time.

 

Our Black Templar probably wasn't disappointed by this either.

 

I also named the Commissar leading the reinforcements Commissar Sanders, upon naming him our Stormseer hoped that he would reward us with chicken, which is ironic because my friend who was playing him hates chicken in real life.

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