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OnceFatal

You know you're playing Dark Heresy when....

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1) Your party's cleric has no magical abilities, nor healing skills.  

2) Despite this, your party's sorcerer spends all his time in mortal terror of what would happen if he's found out by said cleric.

3) The most altruistic member of your party is the thief

4) Your party tortures gleefully to obtain information, but pauses at the moral implications of reading a book

5) In your party, everyone is a mutant. Everyone hides it. No one finds this the least bit funny

6) The most protected locations on your character's body are the shoulders

7) You're a group of death cultists hunting an archaeologist, and you feel you're on the moral high ground.

8) The smartest person in your party is the cyborg.

9) The cyborg is also the most religious party member, must to the consternation of your cleric

10) Your party's paladin is a gorgeous woman. No one says a word about this, ever.

11) The only thing your cleric fears is your party's paladin.

12)  Your party is all humans, however, only one of you has ever been to earth, and the only thing he remembers from the trip is the screaming

13)  Despite this and the horrendous scarring that resulted from the trip, he has nothing but good things to say about it.

14)  Your GM vetoes the bookkeeper class, judging that he is too overpowered

15)  Four words: Demon Haunted Laser Rifle

16) Ancient Alien artifacts are scary, ancient magic artifacts are scarier, but ancient human artifacts are the stuff of nightmares.

17) Your character thinks "Do I want to have this planet destroyed?  With a few phonecalls, I could make that happen!"

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1) You play inhabitants of a civilized world, but none knows how to operate a computer
2) Said computer is called a Logic Engine or Data Crypt
3) Said Logic Engine is believed to be “alive” and inhabited by “spirits”
4) Said Logic Engine will be destroyed in terror if it will ever act like that
 

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The last guy who displayed free thought in the party, we burnt to death before he became a liablility

The "good guys" are entirely which end of the bolt gun you happen to be looking down at the time

Join the Inquisition, its a life of adventure! Wait, you actually think you have a choice in this?

Visit new civilisations on far away worlds full of interesting, advanced and intelligent people, burn them to ashes before they become a blight on humanity.

Murder is a completely acceptable means of advancement

You only beat and stab people to death because a magazine of bolt gun ammo costs a months wages

The machine spirit in a main battle tank is usually smarter than the crew

Chainswords, because a light sabre just isn't messy enough to prove your point

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+ Your party spends 30 minutes searching a room filled with corpses, and the only one who notices anything that'll help advance the investigation isn't the rogue, the adept oooorr the psyker. It's the feral world penal guardsman who's answer to half the things he encounters is to hit it with an axe.

+ The same guardsman tries to pick a fight with your Xanthite Inquisitor, a bloke dressed in power armor, armed with a bolter and quite possibly a daemon weapon.

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OnceFatal said:

-The only thing nastier than the bad guy's plan is the good guy's response.

-

 

This is the surest way to know you are playing Dark heresy lol. Nothing I have ever seen in any RPG game , even Dark sun 2nd edition dnd, either playing in or GMing, comes close to what the players will do to succeed in a Dark heresy game.

 

 

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1.  The multi-melta is the cause and solution to most of the party's problems.

2.  Falling on your weapon is a perfectly acceptable response to a critical failure.

3.  Helping the guy to fall on his sword is a perfectly acceptable respone to a critical failure.

4.  You have to decide if throwing that grenade justifies the cost of replacing it.

5.  You are relieved to discover the dead body was just a zombie.

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Kerrik said:

+ Your party spends 30 minutes searching a room filled with corpses, and the only one who notices anything that'll help advance the investigation isn't the rogue, the adept oooorr the psyker. It's the feral world penal guardsman who's answer to half the things he encounters is to hit it with an axe.

+ The same guardsman tries to pick a fight with your Xanthite Inquisitor, a bloke dressed in power armor, armed with a bolter and quite possibly a daemon weapon.

+ the Guardsman wins that fight by striking the only exposed part of his body: the Head.

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+Your fighter Doesnt give a hoot if the sorcorer dies

+for that matter, nobody gives a hoot if the sorcorer dies

+ It's totally acceptable to send thousands upon thousands of innocent, unwitting erstwhile allies to their deaths against a vastly superior force just so you can finish your pre-battle prayers.

+nobody cares about the differences between demons and devils

+ Your greatest fear isn't the giant man eating flesh rending bug-reptile in front of you. it's your commanding officer behind you

+your cleric's motto is cleanse the land now, convert the survivors later.

+ hours of fasting and meditation is your idea of fun

 

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You can tell epic tales of encounters with The Forces of Chaos, but when asked about The Forces of Law, your response is "Who?"

Some games have insanity, some have body/mind altering corruption effects, but you understand that a *real* RPG has both!

 

 

 

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Even the women fighters wear proper armour!

Except the assassins, who must wear ripped spandex

In 90mins of boarding actions between a frigate and a transport, there where more causualties than the entire Guadalcanal campaign

The only thing happier than player characters killing space elves, is a chaos god

Semi-sentient Orangutans are technologically superior to human beings

You sh*t bricks when your inquisitor actually seems happy the see you

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The only thing more complex then the ritual you must cast to stop the evil chaos spawn from eating the hive, is remembering what all your traits and talents do.

The scum, the guardsman and the assassin call of pursuit of the cultist because they cannot climb the wall, meanwhile the cleric continues pursuit by scaling the wall like a cat burglar.

The Charming, roguish Noble Born Scum still has less money then the drunken, angry feral world guardsman.

Its not a matter of how insane you are, infact its perfectly ok to be crazy. Once you get crazy enough you sill stop pissing your trousers every time you run into a fear 1 creature.

Your character can drive a tank, assemble his lasgun in the dark, and swim while being from a hive city, but cannot read the YOU ARE HERE sign at the local Imperium-Mart.

Its not really the size of the gun, but the size of the bullets you can load into it!

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Even the women fighters wear proper armour!
Except the assassins, who must wear ripped spandex!

Whether in heavy combat armour, ripped spandex or dressed for a night on the town, ALL women MUST wear six inch spiked heels.
 

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Lightbringer said:

  • Your Boss is a secret heretic
  • You are a secret heretic
  • Neither of you know the other is a secret heretic
  • You are hunting another heretic
  • With your friends, who are possibly also heretics
  • Even your gun is heretical

Lol'd.

Lol'd aaaalll over the place.

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and about seeing your inquisitor:

You have better odds of survival if the inquisitor has come to execute members of your group than if they are there to have you go on a mission with them.
 

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  • The Inquisitor you serve is wearing an Eldar Holoshroud to your meetings with him.
  • The cells Adept is both the most "heretical" as well as the most "humanitarian" of the party...
  • ...and is the only party member to have identified the Inquisitor's use of proscribed Xenos tech...
  • ...and won't say a word of it to anyone...
  • ...and happens to be the cell's preferred scapegoat when the rest of the inquisition howls for blood.
  • Your cell's Guardsman cowers at nearly ever creature with a Fear rating...  Until Rank 7.  Then you can't drag him away from a fight...
  • ...and he may be a Khornite berserker...
  • ...but that's okay because, at least for now, he's on your side.
  • The Cleric is terrible at recognizing heresy in the guise of proper Imperial Creed...
  • ...unless it's a blasphemy built into the local creed venerating Genestealers.
  • The Adepta Sororitas has no qualms with killing innocents, as the Emperor will know his own...
  • ...and cares not that to do so indiscriminately is to rob the Emperor of his due.
  • The Assassin is probably the only one anybody can really trust...
  • ...and not just to grant a quick death.
  • The Tech-Priest...  Well, the less said on that subject, perhaps the better.

 

-=Brother Praetus=-

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