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Draconis80

X-wing: How do I deal with a thin skinned super competitive player?

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48 minutes ago, Draconis80 said:

It's just really sad when someone uses tournament list every week. Never wants to try anything new. Freaks out when you look up the rules or get a judge. I'd like to help the guy but even when I attempted to do that it was like pulling teeth. I'm no physiologist but I think his parent's were super controlling. Which would explain the reason he acts the way he does.

Unless it’s a hormone imbalance I doubt being a physiologist would help... 😉

Careful not to lump us obsessive list builders together.  Bringing the deadliest fleet you could think of that week because the creative aspect of the game is what you love is valid, and in a healthy-sized group there are players with the same mindset to match against.

Being an ******* is not valid.  Bringing three lists for an optimal matchup is not either, and it’s cheap and cowardly.  Your gaming community should be friends.  I’m not there, but it sounds like if you don’t want this to be your regular play experience you need to confront the issue, one way or another.  Whether that means a really direct conversation, a freeze or taking over the low road and bringing six lists yourself every time to win until he quits for real (sounds like he can’t stand that for long.)  Once you’ve cleared the ground... maybe you can find interest in Armada, either until you think the coast is clear or after you’ve got friends playing X-wing who would follow you.

Edited by The Jabbawookie

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See, my issue with people like that is that it’s just a game folks. There’s nobody who’s going to die if you lose, you’re not going to lose your family fortune over an hour of tabletop gaming. At least I hope so😉

I’d say just try to play with the new guy, and start building the community back up with him, rather than the guy who won’t finish games unless he wins. 

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On 1/1/2019 at 10:28 AM, Draconis80 said:

So I'm a huge Star Wars fan. I started buying X-wing miniatures because the models were so nice looking. Besides that, just finding a model for some ships just doesn't exist. Someone at work told me of the local shop where they play the game. So I started playing and liked it. Little did I know that it was just 2 people playing X-wing. One person that plays is SUPER COMPETITIVE and thin skinned. He goes from 0 to 100 if he starts to lose. Prime example is one time he was losing and he yells extremely loud. The F-bomb 3 times. Everyone heard him and everyone was looking at him. He forfeits a game if he starts to lose. Never plays through, EVER. So one of the guys that use to play has quit X-wing because of him. Come to find out after he has left and the store there were more players playing the game. Lots more. They all stopped playing because of him. They have all basically come up to me and verified with me at one point or another. So I have been stuck playing with him for awhile. X-wing 2nd edition comes out. Games were about 50/50, was having fun. Then mid Oct 2018 he starts using lists again. I've only won once since. During that game, he of course got triggered and forfeited that game. 

 He is great when it comes to knowing the rules and teaching/helping new players. I don't think his social skills are very good. He only works part-time so he probably has a ton of time on his hands. He only uses lists from tournaments. (Which is annoying as heck!) Really smart guy though.

 We finally got a new player that showed up in mid Dec 2018. Watched the new guy's game at the store. What does "the chosen one" do? Completely stompes the poor guy. I told him after, "you could have gone a little easier." but I don't think it even registers with him.

So I'm asking for recommendations on how you would handle the situation? 

Also asking for people that play at local stores weekly. If you goto tournaments and you have a higher than 50% winning average at the local store vs. people that play casual. (non-tournament players) Take it easy on the people that just want to roll dice. I want this community to grow!!!!! Pull a list out of your butt 5 mins before you play. Try different tactics that you wouldn't normally do. Experiment with upgrades you would never use. Give yourself a handicap. Make yourself a better player. 

In addition to his poor social skills, some people just have a hard time adapting to a non-competition mentality when it comes to minis games, especially for a game as competition-focused as X-Wing.  That said, his behavior towards other players needs to be addressed.

If you think this behavior isn't something that typically represents him, you may need to stage an intervention.  Often players with a driving need to win at all costs feel that they have to prove themselves to people around them, especially if they aren't being accepted by engaging in typical behavior.  A person they trust pulling them aside and talking to them can sometimes go a long way especially if the desire to help them and integrate them into the group is sincere.  Someone doing this for me back when I started playing Warhammer 40k literally turned my life around for the better, and drastically improved my ability to handle frustration when losing games and otherwise having troubles in things I wanted to succeed in - including Armada.

If this is just who he is, you may need to follow Admiral theia's advice and just find a group of players who you want to be around.  If this player can't be a positive member of your gaming group when he's losing games, he probably isn't doing much better when he is winning.

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So update.... I finally got around to talking with him about it. We've had a few game days that there was too much snow.....

 Got to the store late cause I had to work late this week. He was playing against the new guy. What did he do? Stomped him. 🙄

So I played him with a swarm I was curious about. I knew from round 2 of shots being fired he was going to win. Came back a bit then got crushed. So I started talking to him about his lists and what he uses. Asked him why he is always using competitive list? "He took offensive at that." 😒

There was really only one thing that really got threw to him. I said, "How long do you think someone is going to want to play against you if they get stomped everytime?"

I was trying to explain stuff to him and he was trying to look up a list he could give an example he is not doing it. I had to ask him to put the tablet down and make eye contact.

I'm really not going to try much harder. I got stuff to paint and other stuff to do. I'm not a babysitter or a life coach. Just getting tired of it. He's got three strikes. Than I'm out.

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You are trying to do a good thing here, but sometimes you have to let someone hit rock bottom before they realise the need for change. By agreeing to play him you are barely keeping his head above water, allowing him to limp on in his current behaviour. If however he gets shut out he will be forced to either leave or examine the reason for his shut out.  It sounds to me like he has thoroughly poisoned the X-wing community in your area, he probably isn't aware of it but ignorance is no excuse. It's not fair on you to shoulder this and it's not fair on the new guy. 

This guy isn't competitive he's a walking NPE. I consider myself competitive, I always play to win, I enjoy list building. However while I don't enjoy losing I try to learn from it and always try to act with good grace.  I'd also break out something fun or fluffy against a new player.  Being competitive is not an excuse for acting like a toddler.

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8 hours ago, Frostweasel said:

You are trying to do a good thing here, but sometimes you have to let someone hit rock bottom before they realise the need for change. By agreeing to play him you are barely keeping his head above water, allowing him to limp on in his current behaviour. If however he gets shut out he will be forced to either leave or examine the reason for his shut out.  It sounds to me like he has thoroughly poisoned the X-wing community in your area, he probably isn't aware of it but ignorance is no excuse. It's not fair on you to shoulder this and it's not fair on the new guy. 

This guy isn't competitive he's a walking NPE. I consider myself competitive, I always play to win, I enjoy list building. However while I don't enjoy losing I try to learn from it and always try to act with good grace.  I'd also break out something fun or fluffy against a new player.  Being competitive is not an excuse for acting like a toddler.

Yeah some people do have to hit bottom.

His excuse for the part-time people was that they weren't really interested in the first place.....Denial is so predictable.

Thanks. I'm just trying to treat him the way I'd want to be. Try to be far and not only help but the next group he tries to adopt if he fails.

That and if he's totally clueless and doesn't adjust his game. Maybe the next group that stops playing with him he'll realise, "Oh wait. He was right!"

I just think there is so much bad stuff that happens in the world or can go sour... why add to the pile? 

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On 2/20/2019 at 11:06 PM, Draconis80 said:

I'm really not going to try much harder. I got stuff to paint and other stuff to do. I'm not a babysitter or a life coach. Just getting tired of it. He's got three strikes. Than I'm out.

My experience has shown me that we live in times where taking someone aside and trying to talk them into better behavior and them responding positively to it and acting on the advice given is an extreme rarity, and that’s understating it.

I give you credit for trying, but overall the only thing you’ll ever have control over is your own behavior. By being what you believe to be an example of a modern player interested in the growth of your gaming community the others who want to be better will see you and be better. The rest are not worth your time.

Sorry your Armada community is non-existent as well. I’m in the same boat, and it’s getting really crowded...

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Yeah, I would just refuse to play this guy.  He's obviously not playing for the enjoyment of playing he is doing so for the enjoyment of stomping his opponent, people like that are what permanently put me off Competitive X-Wing.  You've already gone above and beyond OP so I would say try to organise play that doesn't involve him.  He'll either figure his own BS out or move on to something else, you are not required to play the game with anyone, especially if that person has an awful attitude.

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Yeah, so I'm the ***hole.  I'm sorry it took me so long to hear the folks trying to tell me, and I want to improve.

giphy.gif

Doesn't matter if I'd want to nitpick any particulars*, because the end result is the same.  I am overcompetitive, and too often a jerk about it.  A lot of it--the obliviousness, the tunnel vision, a bad reaction when things don't go my way--has been true of me since I was a kid.  That's not an excuse, but more of an indictment. I've had a long time to develop better coping skills but haven't.  I'm not actively trying to be the WAAC ***hole, but fall into it too easily.

Even so, it's on me to be better.

 

*I'm not reading the thread to avoid the urge to obsess over details, and just scrolled to the bottom to post.  I'd recognized a description of a tournament I was in, wondered if it was so-and-so who wrote the comment, so I checked the profile... And while I was already regretful after he talked to me last week, there's clearly more which needs to sink in.

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5 hours ago, theBitterFig said:

Yeah, so I'm the ***hole.  I'm sorry it took me so long to hear the folks trying to tell me, and I want to improve.

giphy.gif

Doesn't matter if I'd want to nitpick any particulars*, because the end result is the same.  I am overcompetitive, and too often a jerk about it.  A lot of it--the obliviousness, the tunnel vision, a bad reaction when things don't go my way--has been true of me since I was a kid.  That's not an excuse, but more of an indictment. I've had a long time to develop better coping skills but haven't.  I'm not actively trying to be the WAAC ***hole, but fall into it too easily.

Even so, it's on me to be better.

 

*I'm not reading the thread to avoid the urge to obsess over details, and just scrolled to the bottom to post.  I'd recognized a description of a tournament I was in, wondered if it was so-and-so who wrote the comment, so I checked the profile... And while I was already regretful after he talked to me last week, there's clearly more which needs to sink in.

It’s okay to be competitive; you just need (1) a group big/like-minded enough to support that, and (2) grace when losing, which is just always important.

I don’t know you, but it takes a big guy to own up (online, no less.)  I applaud you for that and your desire to improve.

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12 hours ago, theBitterFig said:

Yeah, so I'm the ***hole.  I'm sorry it took me so long to hear the folks trying to tell me, and I want to improve.

giphy.gif

Doesn't matter if I'd want to nitpick any particulars*, because the end result is the same.  I am overcompetitive, and too often a jerk about it.  A lot of it--the obliviousness, the tunnel vision, a bad reaction when things don't go my way--has been true of me since I was a kid.  That's not an excuse, but more of an indictment. I've had a long time to develop better coping skills but haven't.  I'm not actively trying to be the WAAC ***hole, but fall into it too easily.

Even so, it's on me to be better.

 

*I'm not reading the thread to avoid the urge to obsess over details, and just scrolled to the bottom to post.  I'd recognized a description of a tournament I was in, wondered if it was so-and-so who wrote the comment, so I checked the profile... And while I was already regretful after he talked to me last week, there's clearly more which needs to sink in.

I had a similarproblem for awhile. I know I have gotten much better, sometimes I still fall into it but I have realized that game communities are small and I always had the most fun playing with people who enjoyed the game even when they lost, so I strive to be one of those. It makes everything  and every game so much better. I found that if instead of pointing out my mistakes and instead applauded my opponents ability to take advantage of said mistakes. It helps me focus on the positive. Not easy always, but we can do it!

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Posted (edited)
On 2/28/2019 at 8:08 AM, theBitterFig said:

Yeah, so I'm the ***hole...




This must be @Draconis80 right now...


h47119373







To the @theBitterFig, we've all been there, to varying degrees.  I certainly don't want to sound condescending, but I'll offer some of the important realizations I myself have come to over the years on this topic.  Winning certainly feels better than losing, but it's important to remind ourselves of that old adage "a bad day fishing beats a good day of work."  While cliched, the heart of the message is that having an opportunity to do the things we love and enjoy, even when they don't go as well as we'd hope, is still a gift for which we should be grateful. 

To take some of the pressure off of our own gaming expectations, it's important to remember the famous quote from renowned game designer Reiner Knizia: "The objective of the game is to win.  The point of the game is to have fun."  Never confuse the two.  I sometimes see my young kids get really frustrated during a play activity, like getting stuck on a world in a video game or trying to build a structure with magnetic blocks that keep tipping over. 

I always have them pause and I ask them "Are you having fun?" 
They usually respond with "NO! I HATE X/Y/Z! GRRR!" (sometimes it's a real Anakin-on-Mustafar kinda passion) 
Then I ask, "Well isn't X supposed to be a fun way to spend our free time?" 
"YEA! But it's not!!!"
"Well, that's okay, but if it's not fun right now, then maybe we should just take a break and go find something else to do.. we don't have to X right now, and it'd be silly to waste all of our free time being angry at a thing."

This generally helps to remind them of the fact that our hobby and play time is supposed to be fun, since the point is to relax and enjoy and goof around, the point isn't to "beat World 3-4 right now" or "build a magnet-block tower taller than the bookshelf right now."

I've also found some of the most competitive gamers (and myself included at times) can let their ego get intractably tangled up with their performance at a game.  The simple truth, though, is that NO ONE is going to think less of us if we lose a board game (or more of us if we win).  NO ONE cares about that, and we absolutely shouldn't root our own self-worth in how we perform at a board game, because it's a silly an inconsequential little aspect of life.  Especially in a game like Armada, where dice and other random elements can undermine the best laid plans or bail out the worst laid plans.  People just want to have a pleasant time rolling dice with someone, win or lose. 

Hope some of this helps.

Edited by AllWingsStandyingBy

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