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Narissa

Funnest thing to hear during a game...

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Our group has never ever once taken a prisoner. They walk in and kill everyone. Finally now that we are ascention level and all  the bad guys died in our first encounter the inquisitor in the group surveys the scene and says, " Have you ever notices we never leave anyone alive to question? ". This campaign started in november.

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Gregorius21778 said:

A GM I know had a "slight slip of pointation in his sentence". He wanted to say  "Suddenly, one of the windows into the room burst as a daemon hurls himself through it. He lands on his feet, errects himself and is roaring. INITIATIVE!".

But the way the said it, it was the daemon who roared INITIATIVE!  From that point, a lot of pc of this round consider it "bad style" by any monsters they encounter if it does not scream INITIATIVE at the beginning of the fight (like saying "en garde!" at the beginning of a duel)

 

OMG lol this cracks me up! It's exactly the sort of thing that could happen at my table :)

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from tonights game..

 

After my psyker Constantine Drake had been linked to the Tyranid he'd help "rescue from the foul heretics.." thinking it was just some sort of psy using critter and then being partially debriefed by the cells Interrogator/Boss he asked what the creature was.

"Oh, it's part of a thing called the Hive Fleet"

His glib reply, not having the Xenos Lore skill, "Oh? whats that then? lots of bumlebees on a boat or something?"

The interrogators eventual reply was "Something like that yes, something like that"

 

 

Seeing as my partner Loves the 'nids i do as a player know about them a fair bit, but my poor little (read: uber) Mr Drake knows nothing about the horrors to come...

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In the game I am playing we are on a feral world currently, this feral world is one where the local custom for backstabbing people includes declaring "SHANK!" as you stab someone from behind. This has caused a bit of hilarity in its' usage, and first occurred when my character was attacked aboard a pirate vessel. After that one pirate said it it became a jest at the table.

 

Also in the same game an NPC named Regis Novis is prone to bouts of wordy mouthing off, the Storyteller is amazing at utilizing him for humorous emphasis. When he encountered our parties Inquisitor the first time he began to hit on the woman he did not realize was Inquisiton. Then when told, "You are aware that I am a powerful Psyker; men fear my very presence." He casually replied, "Oh that's ok, a couple of my friends are freaks too." The look on the Inquisitor's face was priceless.

 

 

I will return with more as I think of some of the highlights of humor in our games.

 

 

 

 

Alexis

*smiles*

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In a recent game, our group was sent to a bar to meet with our informant, who was the bartender.

While waiting for the bar to close so we could talk in private, our assassin found a woman sitting alone, and so tried to chat her up. After failing his charm test, she snickered and walked away. Dejected, he walked up to the bartender and ordered a drink. While enjoying his drink, he passingly asks the bartender about "All the frigid whores in the place". The bartender informs him that the "frigid *****" was his daughter.

After a short pause the assassin replies, "So did you raise her to be a frigid *****, or did that just kind of happen?"

He had to dodge a few flying bottles.

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It wasn't something i heard, more something that happened to me.  We has a tech-priest in our group when we rode on a ship to a destination.  he quietly asked our pilot to turn the gravity off, since he is a void born.  After getting a promise he will leave her alone, she turns it off.  Everyone gets the check to belt themselves in, but me.  I float, panic, vomit, and pass out.   then took quite a bit of hurt when we landed and i was still passed out...

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Title: Look hos talking.

The dusk-born Moriat assasin and the groteskely fat psyker with no legs sitting in a sixlegged spiderlike wheelchair is having a silent serious conversation:

Psyker: "That guy is creepy."
Assassin: "Yea. he scary allright, but the chieftess said he was all right."
Psyker "Still, creepy."

They say looking over at the meek, normal untouchable libarian.

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Oh, too many funny moments.

 

We award 25xp per session (only once and only if its sufficiently funny) for the line that makes us all laugh most.

Our arch-militant, small of brain, large of bicep, won it once while discussing his homeworld. He told the groups arbitor that his people

"Have 100 words for sabre-tooth tiger, but none for love"

 

His homeworld Lacusta, actually has two entries on the colour map in the dark heresy rulebook. This has been rationalised in our game in that there are two planet Lacustas and that people from one hate people of the other. Both planets population are feral worlders living in near dear world like conditions but consider the other planets populace to be effete, snobby weaklings. Our arch-militant gets upset if it is implied that he is from the wrong Lacusta.

 

I introduced one NPC, the captain of a small mining vessel as Captain, and owner, of the <ship name, i can't remember>. My players heard this as Captain Anowner. and called him Anowner for the rests of the story. We have since encountered a number of Captain and Owners (Anowners) an its become a bit of a running joke.

 

Our rogue trader, a sneaky git, always tries to work a situation to make himself look good. He has a scribe that follows him around recording his exploits and lionising him in prose.

 

 

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I was GMing a game when a friend of mine came to visit so he joined in one session as an additional character to a my well established group, he was playing a bounty-hunter/merc the group had seconded for a seek and destroy mission on a feral world. As the players were crossing a plain toward a low range of hills the guardsman on point spots a mounted sentry break cover from a small copse of trees, obviously riding away to raise the alarm. on seeing this our rather savvy noble born scum exclaims "50 thrones to the man that brings that blaggard down!". Very calmly the bounty-hunter unslings his hunting rifle, takes careful aim and shoots the horseman through the head (a masterful shot, he rolled a 01). After he has watches the sentries body slump from the saddle be lowers his rifle and without a word lookes toward the scum who says under his breath to the guardsman next to him "I'm a little short", the guardsman replies "You still owe me 20 thrones!". Without missing a beat the noble born scum flashes a broad smile at the bounty-hunter and says without any hint of sarcasm, "Tell me my man, do you accept cheques!".

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Was during a session or two ago that I made the game halt for a few minutes while everyone tried to gather themselves. Here's what happened:

We were doing a mission where our acolyte cell had to go undercover. Our Cadian guardsman prime was undercover as a noble (which she really is Cadian nobility). The rest of the acolyte cell was her "entourage."  My adept was trying to get information from a servant of the house we were in. While getting the other servant drunk while keeping herself sober, my adept was hitting on the man. At one point we were discussing how stuck up and snobby our employers were, and the discussion steered into punishments. The male servant was telling my adept aout the harsh treatment they recieved at the hands of their employer. My adept listened with mocked attention. She then proceeded to tell the servant that her "employer" had shot another servant for insubordination. Which is the line that started everyone laughing.

The shot really did happen in an earlier mission where the cell's psyker mentally attacked my adept thinking the possessed dagger (which my adept was carrying) was controlling my adept. I managed to wrangle her up and take her  back to our base of operations and proceeded to tell the prime what had happened. After hearing what happened, our guardsman prime turned to the psyker and asked what happened. The psyker refused to cooperate and was subsequently shot in the stomach. Which in and of itself made for an entertaining night

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Gribble_the_Munchkin said:

Our rogue trader, a sneaky git, always tries to work a situation to make himself look good. He has a scribe that follows him around recording his exploits and lionising him in prose.

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Happened just two night ago... A female tech-priest explaining why she has to have ten different types of plugs wired into her hands:

"I need different size plugs for different size jacks. You know... the size does matter." 

 

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Two of my fondest memories are at the expense of a friend of mine. I was running Tomb of Horrors and one of the other players convinced my friend that the squares in front of him weren't trapped and got his character to walk across the trap. My other is my friend's reaction to his character who had died during a fight getting all his stuff stolen by another player, the player then had everything on him swiped when he walked through a portal and was teleported back to the beginning of the dungeon. i actually feel sorry for my friend but **** it was funny to see his reaction to what happened.demonio.gif

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this happened during a 2nd ed AD&D game. I had a demon do enough damage to slay me out right. I failed my savings throw, but my elven chainmail made it's roll. The DM ruled that i was strained through the chainmail (it had me in a bearhug). the guy running the cleric looked at me and said "sorry i dont have raise grease spot"

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During one of our sessions, my friend set up a trap on the entrance to our base of operations. He forgot that one of my friends was in the bathroom and hadn't gone into the room yet, so when he goes to open the door my friend that set the trap yelled "IT'S A TRAP" good old Admiral Ackbar.

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I think it was a D&D game but one of my players had a pet baby dragon that like to stay hidden and would only show himself to only one player. The dragon would roll into a ball now this player told everyone that his ball was a dragon and I think he was some sort of a savage. Then one day all hell breaks loose and the player with the ball rolls the ball at a wounded friend and yells HELP IS ON ITS WAY!!!! the ball rolled and hit his friend foot and did nothing his  friend looked down at the ball then at him then the ball again. It was a funny scene.

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I once had a session with my main group, one of them is already playing RPG's with us for 3 years, he should know that everytime our GM asks him if he wants to do something, he should use his brain before acting,he still hasn't figured that one out.

We had one of our Player Character kidnapped, we we're trying to storm a larger underground Facility, everything was dirty and dark, finaly my Character and his reach a corridor that leads into a White, clean and open room,in the middle lies the unconscious Character we where looking for, i already think "**** this is screaming trap." my pal simply states "I'm going in." 

Everyone (including the GM) looks at him with wide eyes, the GM (a nice guy by the way) asks him "Really, just like that? I mean this is obviously a Trap, i should know, i'm the GM."

He simply states: "I don't think so, it would feel different."

I try to stop him: "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND, THAT'S OBVIOUSLY A TRAP, I MEAN; EVEN THE GM IS WARNING, I REPEAT, WARNING YOU AND YOU STILL WANT TO GO IN THERE WITHOUT A FREAKING PLAN!!!" (that's not the first time something like that happened)

in the end my Character tries to stop his, but i failed. He enters still wants to enter the room, now with a run.

The GM Facepalms and goes on "You enter the Room, the next thing you know is, that it's not the room that you saw, but a long way down, after plummeting for a few seconds you crash onto some spikes on the ground, your dead, sorry."

So my pal starts to scream "NO, HOW COULD T´HAT HAVE HAPPENED. THAT'S NOT FAIR AAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!"

Everyone else couldn't control themselves and we laughed for a couple of minutes.

That was just one of countless of situations that he screwed up, still there's always luaghs included, man our sessions aren't halve as much fun without him, still, i wish he wouldn't always screw it up.

Whoa, that was longer than expected, meh, hope you had a laugh.

 

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after ordering my gunskull to shoot someone I couldn't see (behind a corner) I come around and see that it looks exactly like a fellow character named Sacred (was a AS)

"Hey Sacred, your corpse is here."

"Shoot it!"

so I did...

(it wasn't dead by then and it took two more turns to really kill it)

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My players were interrogating a minor criminal. After getting the information they wanted out of him, the question was what to do with him now? One of the players pulled out his autopistol and added up his modifiers- point blank range, full auto- and decides to be magnanimous. "If the Emperor interceeds, you are free to go!" He then rolls a double-zero! It was a few minutes before we stopped laughing.

 

Needless to say, the party killed him anyway...

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This happened only last night, but we had returned to Ambulon whilst under Special Condition and having infiltrated a drug manufacturing gang. The gang, unaware that we previously cleansed Ambulon of anti-imperial taint, ordered us to return to it in it's new, highly crippled (we didn't do it, honest!) state and remove the local criminals who had taken over.

We had just taken out a crime lord who went by the title of Baron, and proceeded to exploderise his head with an Exitus round when he started freaking out at the Daemonic Visage our Forsaken Priest purposefully invoked. Blood everywhere, the rest of his thugs laid out in less than 1 whole round, we relax and get to planning. A keycard to an unknown data-port was all we found of use to our mission, and the interrogated survivor less than useful, so my Moritat Death Cultist promptly decapitated him and smeared an Imperial Aquila upon the main wall.

Just as we leave, the Battle Sister turned Interrogator remembered she was from Ambulon, so asked if she recognised the locale. At being told the ruin we just emptied of hostiles was what was left of her old Chapel there was much uproar. My Moritat proposed we resanctify the place, but with time against we instead opted to attempt to completely level the place so it could no longer be used for profane acts.

Queue 15 minutes of debate amongst the players as to how best to demolish the structure, ending with the Maletek Assasin deciding that despite the only way his theory, of using luminen shock on the water inside the building to cause a molecular split and create hydrogen that the Crusader could his flamer on for explosive effect, would be at a -40 so could only succeed on a 6 or less, he decided to try anyway. He promptly rolled a 5 and much guffawing ensued from the players. 

Joyous at such a farfecthed idea working, we proceeded to evacuate the are and the crusader ignited a gout of prometheum from his flamer, which promptly popped the little remaining hydrogen that had dissipated in the several minutes we all took faffing about. End of joyous guffawing.

At this point the Guardsmen turned Interrogator got fed up of having gone on ahead and returned, angrily set a load of demo charges and used his Demolitions skill to rig some extra munitions to blow, then walked away and triggered a big explosion that levelled the building.

Suffice to say, we now leave demolitions to the experts and not the extremely hack'n'slash oriented Maletek Assasin and Crusader.

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I have no idea if this will be funny to anyone else, but we almost dies of laughter.

 

Some fire-spitting deamon beast erupts from a temple on the heels of our psyker who'd been whisked away for who knows how long by who knows what. The gates come crashing into the streets, the psyker is thrown against an opposing building and my assassin and my friend's tech-priest arrive on the scene just as the creature spots us. My assassin rushes into the fray but after a few useless slashes is thrown across the street in turn, on top of the psyker. The tech-priest, with the worse initiative in the group, is stuck there standing in the middle of the street, having just managed to ready his autogun and fire a single shot way wide. Of course, sensing no other immediate threat, the creature shoots a glob of napalm-like fire at the Tech-Priest who subsequently catches on fire. The Tech-Priest finally gets his turn:

GM: "Unless you want to start running around, roll WP."

Player: (Rolls) "Made it."

GM: "Great. Full round action: roll an Agility test at -20 to put the fire out. Also, you take 3 damage and 1 level of fatigue."

"Player: (Rolls) "Crap. I failed the Agility test so guess that's it for my turn."

Play continues. The assassin gets up with the psyker and they try to attack the deamon with minimal damage to it, but the psyker gets brought down to a handful of wounds and the assassin misses each of his attacks (even with Blademaster and Lightning Attack!!). Again, the Tech-Priest's turn come around:

GM: "You take 2 more wounds and another level of fatigue. Roll WP."

Player: (Rolls) "Made it again. Now Agility... (rolls) **** it! Failed again!!!"

For another round the rest of the characters are coming closer to death thanks to some epic unlucky rolls. The other two players are about to get ready to roll new characters because they're thinking there's no way this thus-far-ineffectual character is going to save our twitching critical masses. Play comes to the tech-priest again:

GM: "You know the drill."

Player: "Right. (Rolls) OK. I Made my WP again." (Looks over to the GM, then the rest of us , then back to the GM)

GM: "Something wrong? It's still your turn. You'll want to test Agility again."

Player: "Yeah, I know... but I was thinking: do I have to try and put the fire out? Because at this rate, with my agility of 24, we'll be here all night and because of my toughness bonus, I haven't taken any damage anyway, so why would I even care at this point since I can't even feel it."

GM: "Err...well... (references the rules) Actually, you can act normally so you can attack if you like, sure."

Player: "Enough of this crap then! I open up on the creature on full auto." (Rolls a whole bunch of hits and two Righteous Furies for damage)

Dm: "You riddle the creature with bullets until nothing but a lumpy puddle remains. What now?"

Player: "I'm still on fire, right?"

GM: "Well, yeah."

Player: "Good. I walk over to the other players and try to use Medicae on them. I want them to fell the burn of being saved by the flaming tech-priest!"

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I think the funniest things that've happened to me in a RPG have gotta be from the one VtM game I played a Sabbot Nosferatu.  Earlier we ended up loosing our Malkavian to not having a good grip and getting splattered on a runway.  Later, as we remain in the air, good ol' sunlight hits us blinding the pilot along with the City Gangrel who was with us.  Now while they burn alive and crash us, my Nosi goes out sitting there in the airplane bathroom, shotgun and uzi aimed at the door.

 

Now, the next story was about a month ago during a Shadowrun game my friend was running.  I'm running around playing the group's only Canadian/Orc, so first off this is gonna be weird.  We're doing a run into a company to pick or destroy the data that's inside this R&D facility.   Well, we end up convincing the people on the top floor that we're plumbers and so once inside, manage to make the workers think there's a fire in the building.  Once that's done, and after a little funny work with the elevator (apparently they're not designed for power-klaws), my orc manages to get to the second floor.  Where his first line is 'I clean' followed by a burst of fire from his hmg, wiping out the mercs who had stepped in front of the elevator.  Little while later, one of our hackers is rummaging through the lockers in the weapon's room, only to come across a double-sided troll shaped d*ldo.  Which sadly has been counted by our GM as nun-chucks.  As this is going on, my Orc finally gets into the last level and past turret fire.  Inside, he finds the scientists who're working on the equipment we're here to take, and when asked why he wants some of the un-cultured nanobots for himself, claims that it's for a 'sound future business deal'. 

What truly makes this story funny however, is my orc gets one of the scientists to show him to the main clean-room in this building.  As they stand there waiting to get the green light, the computer mentions that only one can go through at a time, repeated by the scientist in the decon room with him.  Not skipping a beat, my character pulls the trigger A la Deadpool with the revolver he keeps on him.

I think though, the funniest even though had to be in a Red Dwarf game I played in, where my character ran around in a camouflage banana-hammock, and in Star Wars Episode 6.  Managed to knock a scout-trooper off his bike, and when he walked up to him, said the word Hi before pulling the trigger and turning him into a crater with his head and limbs were all that were left.  It made the group almost stop for the night as they were laughing so hard.  Mind you this is before my character accidentally knocks out Luke Skywalker and finishes the rest of the campaign looking like him........Only to get chased by everyone at the end after being discovered to be a fraud, much like Ace Ventura 2.

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While playing the Shades on Twilight scenario, after the encounter with the warp beasts where the Space Marine holds them off while the acolytes get away, they encounter another group of acolytes.

They PCs explain what happened, and the first response from the other team was "wait, you got a Space Marine?  How come we didn't get a Space Marine?"

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