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Narissa

Funnest thing to hear during a game...

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For me was when one member of our group turned round and said. "Well I didn't know we were meant to be role playing."

He wanted to shoot something but my Assassin got to it first. (I got the highest initiative, so I went first.) He was not happy. happy.gif

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One time, when I was playing D&D, I meant to say that the monster was speaking to the party in "Broken Common"... but it came out... broken condom. The worst part, my 14 year old son was sitting right there playing too. sorpresa.gif 

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Just prior to the penultimate fight of our campaign, Nrvnqsr Essix finds his way to his home estate on Malfi, somewhat pleasantly surprised at the death cult which has cropped up around his worship and return. While wandering the halls he wasn't sure he'd see for quite a while, his aide leads him to the hall of records, where they display heirlooms and trophies obtained over the various successors to the House.

There, placed in a sancitifed casket, is a gift from his Inquisitor during his departure. The Red Sigil, the signature weapon of his master the last scion of the House; a sanctified Storm Boltpistol. A symbol of office declaring his return to the House and his divine right to rule it. The salvation of his academy and of his people.

His aide creeps closer.

"What say you, my lord?"

"I wish I took Bolt Pistol training."

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The Inquisitor (me) placed our groups Cleric in charge for the mission, as he was the one the Commissar was expecting on the planet. The Cleric prided himself on his oratory skills, so the rest were content to let him do the talking.

When it finally came time to talk to anyone  he'd stutter and stammer his way through sentences, was never quite sure what to say or what to ask, and generally everyone started calling him the great talker and how wonderful he was at interacting with people. After the game he used his experience to not only buy Air of Authority, Command and Master Orator, but spent all his money on a Loud-Hailer Servo-Skull. Everyone is going to give him heaps, but he's promised to try and speak in full sentences from now on.

 

partido_risa.gif 

BYE

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 Our group of Acolytes had to escort a budding young Psyker through the the streets of Volg and they had been told he had not seen much of the world and as a young 8 year old boy he just kept asking questions.

 

"Are you a mechanic?"

"I am a Tech-Priest"

"...That's what I just said a Mechanic."

"Child this is a tech-priest they worship the machine god."

"...Sometimes when the vending machines don't work I swear at them, is that your god's doing?"

"...I don't know..."

And my favourite.

"So could the Emperor beat the Mechanic's god?"  the Cleric and Tech-Priest were snarky to each other most the adventure after that question as both of them were trying to impress the child.

 

Later on they get attacked by Slanneshi cultists and there all dressed up as sexual deviants and one of them was a gimp with a large gun to which the person playing the Cleric asked me. "What's a Gimp?" 

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Proberbly not the funniest thing to hear during a game but would seem in our group it gets used alot "That's not normal..." said whenever something mildly out of the ordinary happens...mind you, this is the Dark Heresy universe...

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During a Rogue Trader game I'm playing as the Lord-Captain in, we decide to raid an Ork convoy that was on its way to one of my planets.  We waited in ambush and my small fleet managed to wipe out all but two Ork ships. 

On my Cruiser, the Vanguard, we have a detachment of the militant order of the Sisters of Battle, and I order both them and my contigent of Imperial Guardsmen onto an Ork transport to capture the ship (I plan on converting it into a prison ship).  They go in, and naturally the Orks are prepared for them. 

But when the Nob saw that it was Sisters spearheading the assault on his ship, he shouted out, "******* of Battle!  Waaaaugh!"  That had us all rolling in laughter. 

From there on out, we never referred to them that way again.  They appear to enjoy their new moniker. 

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I remember one thing from my last gaming session. I'll make it short (there is too much to describe fully). After a gunfight my Acolytes managed to wound and thus incapacitate one of the bad guys. When he wakes up, there are 3 Acolytes standing above him (Gunslinger, Moritat and a Psyker). Psyker puts his handcannon to the bad guy's head and shouts: "Talk! Who send you?!" When the culprit doesn't answer he shakes him badly and asks the question all over again. Finally the culprit answers "Screw you" and there is a silent 'CHING' (bad guy made sleight of hand on grenade's pin). Assassins, with sharp "****!" under the noses,  jump away in the first second and the psyker, knowing he's not gonna dodge, sends a telepathic suggestion full of despair to the mind of the culprit "THAT WAS BAD IDEA!" and keeps shaking him and repeating it till the grenade goes off. partido_risa.gif He was lucky as it was only a frag grenade and he had full carapace armour on him, but still he lost nearly all wounds.  Lesson learned: don't mess with NPCs. demonio.gif

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In "Rejoice for you are true" the parties psyker is being tricked into a trap.

Psyker: I thought that you said we where to speak alone.

Cultist: I meant that we where to speak where only those that are true or properly initiated can hear us.

Psyker: Are you true?

Cultist: No but..

Psyker: I can hear you'r not.

 

There are many others but its hard to remember them now, that was just a cool thing last game (which also had the adept rip out an eye from his opponent in the duel, one must love Righteous Fury)

 

H.B.M.C. said:

The Inquisitor (me) placed our groups Cleric in charge for the mission, as he was the one the Commissar was expecting on the planet. The Cleric prided himself on his oratory skills, so the rest were content to let him do the talking.

When it finally came time to talk to anyone  he'd stutter and stammer his way through sentences, was never quite sure what to say or what to ask, and generally everyone started calling him the great talker and how wonderful he was at interacting with people. After the game he used his experience to not only buy Air of Authority, Command and Master Orator, but spent all his money on a Loud-Hailer Servo-Skull. Everyone is going to give him heaps, but he's promised to try and speak in full sentences from now on.

 

partido_risa.gif 

BYE

You shouldn't be harsh on him. A player may wish to play a charismatic person without being a charismatic person himself just as they may wish to play a strong battlemonster without being it themselves. It is your duty as a GM to allow the person to do so. Help him, allow him to take Fel tests instead of talking at times and help him to finish the sentences when he can't. And don't laugh at him.

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A GM I know had a "slight slip of pointation in his sentence". He wanted to say  "Suddenly, one of the windows into the room burst as a daemon hurls himself through it. He lands on his feet, errects himself and is roaring. INITIATIVE!".

But the way the said it, it was the daemon who roared INITIATIVE!  From that point, a lot of pc of this round consider it "bad style" by any monsters they encounter if it does not scream INITIATIVE at the beginning of the fight (like saying "en garde!" at the beginning of a duel)

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Gregorius21778 said:

A GM I know had a "slight slip of pointation in his sentence". He wanted to say  "Suddenly, one of the windows into the room burst as a daemon hurls himself through it. He lands on his feet, errects himself and is roaring. INITIATIVE!".

But the way the said it, it was the daemon who roared INITIATIVE!  From that point, a lot of pc of this round consider it "bad style" by any monsters they encounter if it does not scream INITIATIVE at the beginning of the fight (like saying "en garde!" at the beginning of a duel)

 

this is gold!

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Our group was playing D&D 3.5 and our DM at the time was experiencing Sleep Apnea symptoms (not getting much sleep because of it.)

1. During the adventure we found a trove of treasure and our DM paused while reading off the list of items in the treasure pile... He looked up and stated "Does anyone know what a Spud of Calloral Excanation is?" Apparently, he was so tired when writing the adventure that he misspelled Spade of Colossal Excavation. We died laughing. Yes it was at the expense of someone who was experiencing medical issues, but he was laughing harder than the rest of us.

2. Same DM. We're in a dungeon and the DM tells us we've found a set of tracks. We start to follow the tracks and they wind throughout the cave system for quite a ways. We kept using the track ability to try and discern what we could from the tracks...

Us: Are the tracks human sized?

DM: I suppose.

Us: Well, could they be dwarven tracks?

DM: Possibly, it's difficult to tell who made them.

Us: Those two types of tracks would be completely different!!! (argument ends and we can't tell)

....anyway a bit later he expresses that the tracks end.

Us: What do you mean they just end? Where do they go?

DM: They just end.

Us: So do they go up to a base of a wall? Do they appear to track back?

DM: THEY JUST END! There are NO MORE TRACKS?

Us: How can someone's footprints just end?

DM: Foot prints? Doh! These are train tracks!

Hillarity ensued and we never got back to the game that day.

3. Paladin in the group asks the DM "Do I provoke an attack of opportunity for touching myself?" (referring to Lay on Hands ability)

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It happened something like 10 years ago, when we were playing Shadowrun (2nd, I think). One of our players had a Street Samurai character and took the phrase a bit too litterally. We were planning to assault a bed & breakfast where a group of mercenaries where hiding. They knew we were coming and the situation was stuck : we were taking cover behind cars in the parking lot, in a classical police fashion. Then the Street Sam decided to play it lawful stupid.

Player : I walk in the open, my katana in hand and I yell : "Is there someone here to fight me in an honorable duel ?".

GM : [roll dice] You hear a loud gunshot and a high-caliber bullet impacts your upper left arm. It's bleeding and probably broken [Medium damage]. You are in pain. What do you do ?

Player : [player looks around as if to get some advice. Everybody tries not to smile] I bellow a mighty battle cry and I charge these honorless dogs [the building was still 30 meters away from him] !

GM : [roll dice] Someone open fire on full auto from a window. The burst shatters you legs and you fall face down on the ground [serious damage].

Player : Ah... well, anyway, I have to pee. I'll be back.

When he came back, he learned that the rest of the group had sent a van loaded with C-6 crashing into the building and that his character had a 1-in-6 chance of having be flattened by the speeding van. He rolled a 1...

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Now this is an old one,  probably 20 years or more ago.  Playing D&D our characters are sucked through a vortex. 

The DM says "when you exit the vortex you fall a short distance and land on a grassy KNOLL"

Paul's response "Did I kill it!"

the DM  "What?"

Paul  "Did I kill the GNOLL when I fell on him?"

hillarity ensued.

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A few months ago in a game the group were looking for a witness to a crime, who incidentally was a potential psyker.

The Arbites and Assassin went in to what what was essentially the underhive where the girl may have been hiding out.

All they knew was that the girl looked between 10-13, had dirty blonde hair and well, not much else..

The opening line by the Arbites, after flashing his badge to the gathering mass of underhivers was "I'm looking for a dirty blonde girl who's under age. Anyone got anyone like that in their hab unit?"

 

The assassin player (Narissa herself) face palmed at what the Arbites said and started looking for ways out after realizing the locals didnt appreciate what was said...

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Steelheart said:

Now this is an old one,  probably 20 years or more ago.  Playing D&D our characters are sucked through a vortex. 

The DM says "when you exit the vortex you fall a short distance and land on a grassy KNOLL"

Paul's response "Did I kill it!"

the DM  "What?"

Paul  "Did I kill the GNOLL when I fell on him?"

hillarity ensued.

 

Heh, reminds me of The Gazebo Tale...

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One of the best moments was when we came upon some ropes leading into a cave, the whole way one of our players kept saying that the ropes would break and it was too predictable. Less predictable was the fact that the robes were coated in slime, so while the player checked them and they were durable he didn't see the goo about a meter down. As he slides to his doom all he can say is "at least the rope didn't break" The gm rolls the dice, looks at the results, and says "The rope breaks and falls on your mangled corpse." Everyone else begins to laugh.

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Well, you know a Rogue Trader campaign is going to be good when the ship you're on is called the Divine Comedy. That was the name of my group's ship, and we weren't disappointed.

On our first trip into the Warp, our navigator managed to roll spectacularly poorly on the Navigation(Warp) roll, and sent our ship crashing into a warp storm, and the Gellar field went offline as a result. Due to the efforts of our Explorator, we were able to get it up and running again after one minute (the Explorator rolled a 01 on the Tech Use test), but not before we had some "boarders".

At this point, both the Navigator and the Voidmistress were trying to steer/pilot the ship out of the warp storm, while the Explorator was busy getting the Gellar field back online. That left the Missionary, the Arch Militant, the Imperial Psyker/Templar Calix, and the Rogue Trader himself to deal with the problem. A quick description of each is in order:

  • The missionary was a bit on the scrawny side, and couldn't swing a melee weapon to save her life. At least she could shoot straight part of the time. As a funny aside, she had Enemy (Ecclesiarchy), of all things. We figured she must have been preaching the word of the Emperor and not the Ecclesiarchy, or something like that.
  • The arch militant was a big, hulking death-worlder that swung a mean mono whip (he had the Unnatural Strength mutation, among other things). Not the sort of guy you'd want to meet in a dark alleyway.
  • The jailbait-ish looking Imperial Psyker/Templar Calix was a cute, petite creature who either wore light power armor with hexagrammic wards and a carried a Holy Force Naginata or wore a (mesh) french maid's uniform and mopped the floors. (She was a Biomancer with Toxic Siphon. You do the math)
  • The rogue trader, of course, was a Rogue Trader with all of his finery, complete with ornate power sword, stylish uniform, and heirloom plasma pistol.

Well, the lot of us get to the site of the incursion, and we find some creepy warp critters there. At this point, the GM calls for Fear 2 tests.

  • The Missionary spends a fate point to activate Pure Faith and doesn't bother rolling.
  • The Rogue Trader makes the roll.
  • The Templar Calix easily makes the roll.
  • The Arch Militant . . . failed.

GM: "The Arch Militant runs out the door screaming like a little girl."

The 'Militant's player was not pleased.

-Kirov

 

 

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Once while i was running a game i farted really loud. Than i wittily replied that wasnt my butt.  The guardsmen replied its the other thing above it, Im not sure what that is.

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 First off let me say I'm playing a void-born Imperial Psyker. I'm playing up the strangeness of being a Void-Born in a group of Imperial and Hive-World Acolytes investigating on a Hive World, so to that effect I typically exclaim "WAIT! You feel that?......feels like the aftward regressor turbines are firing up." So far the roleplay is fun, and I made the Assassin jumpy with that stuff already. Plus, being an ImpPsy is spooking them a little as well.

Two weeks ago, we were following a contact down some back alleys of a lower hive level (nevermind where....it's classified), and we make it to a group of lower hivers (all gangers of some sort) standing in front of an open door. Our leader (a guardsman) asks me "Can you get through that door?" I look at it and say "sure I can". So we let the scum spring their trap on us (I already popped Unnatural Awareness, so I was ready...) and the guns start blazing. One of the gangers runs through the door and slams it shut, while we're sending his buddies to the Emperor for judgment, and when the smoke clears the the Guardsman looks at me and says "Ok, go to it." I look at him and say "But the door is closed now..." I swear he was ready to punch me IRL. gran_risa.gif

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Our Lord-Captain isn't a traditional sort, the bastard son of the previous holder of the Warrant of Trade, he was left to grow up on the Death World of his birth, and only inherited his fathers' Warrant and the Ascent of Iron, a Lunar Class Cruiser, because the rest of the family died fighting the Ruinious Powers.

Our GM loves book adventures (sad.gif) so they run into Hadarak Fel during one of these book adventures, at the point where the group should typically exchange banter and swear vengance upon him, ensuring an interesting future rivalry, our Captain barks the following order, while the channel is still open to the gloating Hadark Fel.

"An extra ration of grog to the first gunnery team to strike the bridge!"

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Kirov said:

 

Well, you know a Rogue Trader campaign is going to be good when the ship you're on is called the Divine Comedy. That was the name of my group's ship, and we weren't disappointed.

On our first trip into the Warp, our navigator managed to roll spectacularly poorly on the Navigation(Warp) roll, and sent our ship crashing into a warp storm, and the Gellar field went offline as a result. Due to the efforts of our Explorator, we were able to get it up and running again after one minute (the Explorator rolled a 01 on the Tech Use test), but not before we had some "boarders".

At this point, both the Navigator and the Voidmistress were trying to steer/pilot the ship out of the warp storm, while the Explorator was busy getting the Gellar field back online. That left the Missionary, the Arch Militant, the Imperial Psyker/Templar Calix, and the Rogue Trader himself to deal with the problem. A quick description of each is in order:

  • The missionary was a bit on the scrawny side, and couldn't swing a melee weapon to save her life. At least she could shoot straight part of the time. As a funny aside, she had Enemy (Ecclesiarchy), of all things. We figured she must have been preaching the word of the Emperor and not the Ecclesiarchy, or something like that.
  • The arch militant was a big, hulking death-worlder that swung a mean mono whip (he had the Unnatural Strength mutation, among other things). Not the sort of guy you'd want to meet in a dark alleyway.
  • The jailbait-ish looking Imperial Psyker/Templar Calix was a cute, petite creature who either wore light power armor with hexagrammic wards and a carried a Holy Force Naginata or wore a (mesh) french maid's uniform and mopped the floors. (She was a Biomancer with Toxic Siphon. You do the math)
  • The rogue trader, of course, was a Rogue Trader with all of his finery, complete with ornate power sword, stylish uniform, and heirloom plasma pistol.

Well, the lot of us get to the site of the incursion, and we find some creepy warp critters there. At this point, the GM calls for Fear 2 tests.

  • The Missionary spends a fate point to activate Pure Faith and doesn't bother rolling.
  • The Rogue Trader makes the roll.
  • The Templar Calix easily makes the roll.
  • The Arch Militant . . . failed.

GM: "The Arch Militant runs out the door screaming like a little girl."

The 'Militant's player was not pleased.

-Kirov

 

 

 

 

Happens all the **** time, the characters who should be the bravest in a group typically hail from careers where Willpower is prohibitively expensive, our Dark Heresy cell's Prime is a tough, dedicated and professional guardsman, who has in the past crash-tackled Daemons and walked brazenly into suppresive fire to save his comerades, but he failed almost all of his fear tests until he finally got to the Storm Trooper rank of Guardsman. At least his player thought it was funny, I sure as hell wasn't laughing. XD

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 It's not something heard, but it was still funny.

As a Magos Militant, I cannot sneak. So, I was "delivered" to the bad-guy cult by "delivery men" (my fellow Throne Agents) as their building's new "vending machine."

Two days after monitoring them and everything, I was told to pre-empt my fellow Agent's breach of the door by distracting them.

"Boss, boss! Our new coke machine is sprouting arms! And look, a drill! It's coming right for us!"

"Quiet! I will not be disturbed by such nonsense!"

"But boss-" *crunching sound from servo-arm to chest*

"I SAID QUIE- ah crap" *crunch*

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