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crane story is up

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3 minutes ago, Drudenfusz said:

That cat needs to be its own card!

But sinec we talk about teh cat, I remember that Shizue had a cat, but I am not sure got that pet ever named by AEG or is that a detail FFG added?

I never could find a name for Shizue's cat. After considering some names, I settled on Fumio, which means "literary hero". It seemed like a fitting name for a storyteller's cat.

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1 hour ago, Canezar said:

I wonder if we'll see the Emerald Championship as our first storyline event.

Anything is possible, but Yoritomo's presence is at least timeline appropriate, even if he is only leading a group of pirates around.

They would need to make a new face for the Spider in this timeline, since Daigotsu wasn't around in this era as a leader. Could have them tied directly to Fu Leng though, but that still makes them very shadowlands-oriented if they're sticking with that canon. As Kazuto below mentions the other monks, it's possible they could turn into a second villainous clan.

I believe the Emerald Championship was the first story tournament, but I've slept since then.

Also, technically, Daigotsu is alive at this point in the storyline, albeit over 20 years younger and secreted away by the Bloodspeakers, with no evidence of Fu Leng's awareness of his existence.

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Just now, SirEuain said:

I believe the Emerald Championship was the first story tournament, but I've slept since then.

Also, technically, Daigotsu is alive at this point in the storyline, albeit over 20 years younger and secreted away by the Bloodspeakers, with no evidence of Fu Leng's awareness of his existence.

Depends where we are in relation to the original timeline, or even if the emperor's wife has/will be kidnapped. Like I said, he's not mucking about as a leader, if at all. : )

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Just now, Canezar said:

Depends where we are in relation to the original timeline, or even if the emperor's wife has/will be kidnapped. Like I said, he's not mucking about as a leader, if at all. : )

My apologies, I read too quickly and missed the "as a leader" bit. 

Speaking personally, I'd rather the rogue Shinseists turn out to be the uncorrupted Spider monks.

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It was a little disappointing to see that Hotaru using a naginata. I was hoping the Crane champion would be a more traditional duelist. 

I couldn't help but cringe when I got to the part where she has a school girl crush on Kachico. What was the point of turning the character into a woman again? Bad fan service? It sure feels that way. Why couldn't they make the love interest a different female character if they wanted to go this route?

It looks like the first story prize will be who wins the position of Emerald Champion.

 

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1 minute ago, TechnoGolem said:

It looks like the first story prize will be who wins the position of Emerald Champion.

If that's true, I hope AJ can make it.

This story was well handled as a Champion's perspective of regional politics. I'm not buying the romance just yet, but that might be my preconceived notions of Kachiko and not the author's fault.

Man, it sure is fun to see names like Kuwanan, Toshimoko (guess where my handle comes from,) and Shizue again.

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9 minutes ago, TechnoGolem said:

It was a little disappointing to see that Hotaru using a naginata. I was hoping the Crane champion would be a more traditional duelist.

I feel the exact opposite, actually. I think it's nice to finally see stereotypes broken away from, and AEG had such an unhealthy love for Katana and Tetsubo that we hardly ever saw anything else.

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54 minutes ago, Toqtamish said:

He was always champion of the minor clan Mantis. Then formed the alliance and the members of the alliance went from minor clans to families in the Mantis Great Clan. 

I remember that, as I played moshi wakiza alot and I liked the new border when the change happened, my point is that I think he was always a pirate (and that has nothing to do with his inclan status).  They only got recognized as a major clan during the day of thunder.

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2 minutes ago, Bayushi Tsubaki said:

I feel the exact opposite, actually. I think it's nice to finally see stereotypes broken away from, and AEG had such an unhealthy love for Katana and Tetsubo that we hardly ever saw anything else.

It may be a little dull but I think it would be a good idea to stick with stereotypes when it comes to the base set, especially the clan champions.

I'm all for them changing things up and making more unique characters from time to time. But I think it would be better to wait until after they released a couple of Dynasty packs first.

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Just now, williamobrien said:

It's Hotaru's husband going, not Kachiko's

"Hotaru and Kachiko maintained their air of courtly propriety for a moment after Shizue had gone, then broke into warm smiles. Kachiko stepped forward, taking Hotaru’s hands in hers and opening her mouth to speak.

Before she could, though, Hotaru pulled her closer, meaning to kiss her… She hesitated at a stray thought—of her husband, now on his way to Shizuka Toshi to learn what he could about a recent attack by pirates and about the man, Yoritomo, who led them. Stopping herself, Hotaru simply looked into Kachiko’s dark eyes instead."

I'd say it's ambiguous. In terms of grammar, if it were Hotaru's husband, the thought should be "her own" instead of "her," just for clarity, but the pronoun should nominally reflect back to the last female referenced, which is as you said the "she" at the start of her sentence, Hotaru. In terms of general writing, however, either is likely.

From the context, we don't know of any husband for Hotaru as we do Kachiko, and it's an awkward skip to have Hotaru think of her husband without his name. While the Crane have more coastline than Scorpion's none, Shoju's significant political clout and espionage background does suit him well to such an appointment or investigation. In contrast, the only Crane that comes to mind as an investigator of note is Daidoji Uji, though that'd probably make Crane fans squee some. Hotaru could also be hesitating because her own husband is in danger, or because she's concerned for Kachiko's feelings about Shoju being in danger.

I suppose I'm wanting it to be Shoju ;)

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1 minute ago, TechnoGolem said:

It may be a little dull but I think it would be a good idea to stick with stereotypes when it comes to the base set, especially the clan champions.

I'm all for them changing things up and making more unique characters from time to time. But I think it would be better to wait until after they released a couple of Dynasty packs first.

Or they do it this way and show that stereotypes from Old L5R need not apply anymore. Remember everything can and could be different here. This is not the same setting anymore. 

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As for the fiction itself...

 

I liked the first part a lot. Good use of side character as a POV to introduce your main character in a badass, action driven moment that grabs your attention from the get go, climaxing at the ronins death. I liked that the fight wasn't a parade of technical terms and jargon, while still being able to be dynamic, kinetic and visual. 

 

Next, action slowed town. Again, good thing, because while you want to start with a flashy scene to grab attention, it's best to drop the pace a little for the reader to recover and catch their breath. Some good worldbuilding combined with flashing out the POV character. A very basic technique - grab attention with flashy action scene and then make the reader interested in the world using whatever attention span was "bought" by the action bit before they get bored.

What comes next is making the pace and tension and action go "up" again (there is a graph for it!). In this case, it's Kachiko, who disrupts the scene and causes a major movement in the action. This also is the third part of our basic storytelling technique - you grabbed your readers attention with a action scene, interested them in the world by doing some cool worldbulding, and to ensure that they stay, you make them invested into emotional and personal life of your characters. 

 

So structurally, it was pretty good.

As for actual writing quality...as I said, I liked the action scene. I also liked the worldbuiliding section. Kachiko part was by far the weakest, but it still wasn't terrible. Just feeling kind of off, though it helped to showcase three faces of Doji Hotaru (The Badass Warior, The Clan Champion, and Just A Normal Girl, respectively).

 

Oh, I almost forgot. We also got 4th element - the tease and a promise of mystery. The whole deal about Satsumes mysterious death, Hotarus mixed feelings towards her father, and "what on the earth happened to make her mother kill herself?!" are all placed to well to intrigue and promise something with more payoff than just Hotaru's Slice of Life. 

Though I think there was a certain overuse of dramatic "em dash line cuts" at page 8, kinda felt off to me. 

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2 minutes ago, SirEuain said:



From the context, we don't know of any husband for Hotaru as we do Kachiko, and it's an awkward skip to have Hotaru think of her husband without his name. While the Crane have more coastline than Scorpion's none, Shoju's significant political clout and espionage background does suit him well to such an appointment or investigation. In contrast, the only Crane that comes to mind as an investigator of note is Daidoji Uji, though that'd probably make Crane fans squee some. Hotaru could also be hesitating because her own husband is in danger, or because she's concerned for Kachiko's feelings about Shoju being in danger.

I suppose I'm wanting it to be Shoju ;)

Shizuka Toshi is a Crane stronghold.  There'd be little reason or sense for them to allow Shoju to go there to investigate, especially if the two clans are in conflict.  I think the context is that Hotaru is reluctant to kiss Kachiko because of the infidelity, rather than any concern about danger.

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I don't know that Yoritomo had any foreshadowing in the original story before he showed up in Crimson & Jade, but the Mantis Clan were tied to ports from day one of Yoritomo's Alliance being a faction.

2 minutes ago, williamobrien said:

Shizuka Toshi is a Crane stronghold.  There'd be little reason or sense for them to allow Shoju to go there to investigate, especially if the two clans are in conflict.  I think the context is that Hotaru is reluctant to kiss Kachiko because of the infidelity, rather than any concern about danger.

A fair point, though still odd that Hotaru wouldn't think of her husband's name.

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Honestly I would like to see a little more of a shift from the original storyline. yes we have character gender changes and such, and I liked this story. However it doesn't feel very different from the storyline before yet.. I add yet cause first story. But a little more of a deviation early to make sure everyone is aware that this is not just a rehash with the old character with tweaks would be nice. Of course just having a different clan perform the coup for a different reason or stopping it entirely would be a big change. or having daigatsu actual have been killed, I never liked him as his entire existence made the second day of thunder and everything leading up to it having occured under a false pretense. but thats jsut me

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10 hours ago, AtoMaki said:

I will also rage endlessly on this forum and give up on the game if Chekhov's Cat does not become the Second Crane Thunder. 

 

At FFG headquarters: The story has become a convulated mess. We should do a reset to the Scorpion clan Coup instead of a time jump.

4 Tournaments later: A cat has become Emerald Champion, defeated Fu Leng, married Yoritomo and discovered the 5 books of Enlightment.

FFG Story Team: :angry:

 

Edited by Mig el Pig

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4 minutes ago, SirEuain said:

A fair point, though still odd that Hotaru wouldn't think of her husband's name.

I'm gonna call him Doji DeadSoonAnyway. He seems like a plot coupon.

Maybe he'll return from his "obvious demise" with glory and he'll be Doji O'Rama.

 

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18 minutes ago, Toqtamish said:

Or they do it this way and show that stereotypes from Old L5R need not apply anymore. Remember everything can and could be different here. This is not the same setting anymore. 

I'm cool with this, but what I would have liked to see was things like story prizes being "Who is Kachiko's secret lover?"  and "Will the Crane champion betray his/her fox wife/groom?"  Rather than just tell the same story we all know.

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