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Lyraeus

Discussion Time: Handling the loss

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Maybe I need a pet. . .

 

I actually think a pet might be a really good idea :)

 

 

 

I left my lifelong friends in Texas to live in North Carolina with my wife who is doing her PhD here. First year was super rough. Very depressed all the time. I tried hanging out with my wife's friends in the PhD program but man if there was ever a mismatch in history that was it. Just not my type of people at all. On top of that, I kept my job in Texas doing work from home, which sounds awesome, and is to an extent, but it just keeps you from meeting people.

 

One day a little over a year ago I spotted this stray cat crawling in the dumpster. I came out and gave him a can of tuna. He was wary but scarfed it down. He ran off and then came back a week later. I fed him some more and then after that he came back every day until I was out of tuna. I bought some regular cat food and just kept feeding him. I'd eat lunch outside with him and give him some love and company. A couple months later my wife and I discovered he had been declawed on his front feet so that sealed the deal for us and we decided to catnap him and make it official.

 

We're coming up on a year now since we officially adopted him and I couldn't have been happier about the choice. I've since gotten into the local gaming group with Armada and GoT and that's helped me meet people like me, but man, I'm forever grateful to this bundle of fur. I can't second a pet enough. Go adopt one from a shelter. They are worth the cost of admission. If he hadn't knocked me out of that depression, I highly doubt I would have gotten out of my computer chair and gotten into Armada.

Edited by WuFame

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The main issue is (and it always sounds like a cop out to me but), I have Aspergers. So going out and doing new thugs such as going to clubs, bars, meetups, etc freak me out. It is a deep anxiety that dwells in my dislike of new things.

With Armada I can bypass the because my mind is on Armada. It is also something I am decent at. Having failed a majority ofy life through so many things, Armada is something I am good enough at that I can see my self trying for Worlds and maybe succeeding.

I don't have a girlfriend, a wife (though I have been married), or a child, so i don't have those intrinsic desires like you and many others do. Maybe I need a pet.

 

It's not a cop out by any means. It actually explains a lot about some of things that rub me a little wrong with your posts. I have a second cousin with Asperger's. I had a kid (by which I mean a 22 year old...**** I feel old calling him a kid...) working for me for a while that, while not diagnosed, I'm 99% sure had Asperger's. They are two of the smartest people I've ever met. My subordinate in particular has to be the most brilliant kid I've ever worked with in the Army. Social cues were hard for him to pick up. There were times when his roommate and I had to force him to call his girlfriend while we were deployed because he didn't understand why he needed to invest the time to keep the relationship (my God was that girl a saint). I wish I had $100 for ever time he took a dry joke of mine literally. Meanwhile, I could never get him to leave the work area when he was off shift and he was usually working out around two hours a day. He had to finish working out before he could enjoy his downtime. Asperger's seems to give an intensity that can be both a huge boon and a major hindrance. I would be willing to bet you were perfectly good at many of the things you "failed" at in life. That need for perfection is pretty endemic to the disorder, and can make you view anything short of perfection as failure. That's exactly what's happening here, after all. You are intensely focused on being good enough to win at World's. I've seen your battle reports to know that are you more than "decent" at this game, but because someone else had a good day (even I can beat JJ given a perfect storm), you're spiraling a bit. Try to focus on your previous successes rather than this ones failure. It's not like you can't go to Worlds or even Nationals. Analyze your defeat, adapt, and go into the next big event all the better from the lessons learned.

 

On your last note, a pet I think would probably be healthy for you. A dog would be more loving, but a cat is generally easier to take care of. Considering how long Armada tournaments can take, I would recommend the cat. If you leave the cat all day, it won't care all that much as long as you left it food. The dog will be going bananas because it needs to pee (if it didn't already do so in the house).

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The main issue is (and it always sounds like a cop out to me but), I have Aspergers. So going out and doing new thugs such as going to clubs, bars, meetups, etc freak me out. It is a deep anxiety that dwells in my dislike of new things.

With Armada I can bypass the because my mind is on Armada. It is also something I am decent at. Having failed a majority ofy life through so many things, Armada is something I am good enough at that I can see my self trying for Worlds and maybe succeeding.

I don't have a girlfriend, a wife (though I have been married), or a child, so i don't have those intrinsic desires like you and many others do. Maybe I need a pet.

 

It's not a cop out by any means. It actually explains a lot about some of things that rub me a little wrong with your posts. I have a second cousin with Asperger's. I had a kid (by which I mean a 22 year old...**** I feel old calling him a kid...) working for me for a while that, while not diagnosed, I'm 99% sure had Asperger's. They are two of the smartest people I've ever met. My subordinate in particular has to be the most brilliant kid I've ever worked with in the Army. Social cues were hard for him to pick up. There were times when his roommate and I had to force him to call his girlfriend while we were deployed because he didn't understand why he needed to invest the time to keep the relationship (my God was that girl a saint). I wish I had $100 for ever time he took a dry joke of mine literally. Meanwhile, I could never get him to leave the work area when he was off shift and he was usually working out around two hours a day. He had to finish working out before he could enjoy his downtime. Asperger's seems to give an intensity that can be both a huge boon and a major hindrance. I would be willing to bet you were perfectly good at many of the things you "failed" at in life. That need for perfection is pretty endemic to the disorder, and can make you view anything short of perfection as failure. That's exactly what's happening here, after all. You are intensely focused on being good enough to win at World's. I've seen your battle reports to know that are you more than "decent" at this game, but because someone else had a good day (even I can beat JJ given a perfect storm), you're spiraling a bit. Try to focus on your previous successes rather than this ones failure. It's not like you can't go to Worlds or even Nationals. Analyze your defeat, adapt, and go into the next big event all the better from the lessons learned.

 

On your last note, a pet I think would probably be healthy for you. A dog would be more loving, but a cat is generally easier to take care of. Considering how long Armada tournaments can take, I would recommend the cat. If you leave the cat all day, it won't care all that much as long as you left it food. The dog will be going bananas because it needs to pee (if it didn't already do so in the house).

I always appreciate those who understand us aspies. We are a smart lot but dense as all heck most of the times.

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There are more important things to others than a game with toy space ships.

Actually, the answer was covered a couple of times by various posters.

The main issue is (and it always sounds like a cop out to me but), I have Aspergers. So going out and doing new thugs such as going to clubs, bars, meetups, etc freak me out. It is a deep anxiety that dwells in my dislike of new things.

With Armada I can bypass the because my mind is on Armada. It is also something I am decent at. Having failed a majority ofy life through so many things, Armada is something I am good enough at that I can see my self trying for Worlds and maybe succeeding.

I don't have a girlfriend, a wife (though I have been married), or a child, so i don't have those intrinsic desires like you and many others do. Maybe I need a pet. . .

 

 

As someone who also has Asperger's, I too find that a gaming event is helpful in being able to engage in a social situation that has a predictable structure (it's right there in the rulebook!), and it's great to have achievements you can be proud of; wherever they come from.  It isn't a cop-out, it's just a difference between how we experience the world and how others do.  (I expect you already know that, but hopefully it's reinforcing to hear that from someone else)

 

I worked out my frustration at not being to able to compete at Worlds last fall (despite living nearby) by spending more time on the casual aspects of the game (modeling, homemade scenarios, team games, and the like).  It may help to think about how much you want to treat Armada as a competition and/or as a hobby; It's nice to enjoy the process, not just the result, and that can make losses easier to take.

 

Specifically as to losing badly; it is just something that will happen.  Both players are trying to win and they cannot both do so.  There are enough mechanically random factors in the game alone to keep the result uncertain; we humans add variables like fleet selections, objectives, activation order, maneuvers, and target priority to the mix in increasingly complex and fallible ways.  I have won games 10-0 with 9 total Hull points remaining across all 6 of my ships; and lost them 0-10 despite destroying 3/5ths of my opponent's fleet.  If you can pinpoint the cause of the result, laugh at it and learn from it (Precision Strike is no longer my default Assault Objective for squadron lists thanks to some very well flown MC-30c Torpedo Frigates).  It might reflect on your tactical skill at that moment, but it gives you an opportunity to learn.  Your skill level at any point, however, does not reflect on your value as a player and a person; my favorite games have been against people who enjoy the process, regardless of whether we have a close fight or one of us trounces the other.

 

Hope that helps, and best of luck!

Edited by Joker Two

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There are more important things to others than a game with toy space ships.

Actually, the answer was covered a couple of times by various posters.

The main issue is (and it always sounds like a cop out to me but), I have Aspergers. So going out and doing new thugs such as going to clubs, bars, meetups, etc freak me out. It is a deep anxiety that dwells in my dislike of new things.

With Armada I can bypass the because my mind is on Armada. It is also something I am decent at. Having failed a majority ofy life through so many things, Armada is something I am good enough at that I can see my self trying for Worlds and maybe succeeding.

I don't have a girlfriend, a wife (though I have been married), or a child, so i don't have those intrinsic desires like you and many others do. Maybe I need a pet. . .

 

As someone who also has Asperger's, I too find that a gaming event is helpful in being able to engage in a social situation that has a predictable structure (it's right there in the rulebook!), and it's great to have achievements you can be proud of; wherever they come from.  It isn't a cop-out, it's just a difference between how we experience the world and how others do.  (I expect you already know that, but hopefully it's reinforcing to hear that from someone else)

 

I worked out my frustration at not being to able to compete at Worlds last fall (despite living nearby) by spending more time on the casual aspects of the game (modeling, homemade scenarios, team games, and the like).  It may help to think about how much you want to treat Armada as a competition and/or as a hobby; It's nice to enjoy the process, not just the result, and that can make losses easier to take.

 

Specifically as to losing badly; it is just something that will happen.  Both players are trying to win and they cannot both do so.  There are enough mechanically random factors in the game alone to keep the result uncertain; we humans add variables like fleet selections, objectives, activation order, maneuvers, and target priority to the mix in increasingly complex and fallible ways.  I have won games 10-0 with 9 total Hull points remaining across all 6 of my ships; and lost them 0-10 despite destroying 3/5ths of my opponent's fleet.  If you can pinpoint the cause of the result, laugh at it and learn from it (Precision Strike is no longer my default Assault Objective for squadron lists thanks to some very well flown MC-30c Torpedo Frigates).  It might reflect on your tactical skill at that moment, but it gives you an opportunity to learn.  Your skill level at any point, however, does not reflect on your value as a player and a person; my favorite games have been against people who enjoy the process, regardless of whether we have a close fight or one of us trounces the other.

 

Hope that helps, and best of luck!

Dang! Another one who has wised up to my favorite Objective!

Thank you. It helps a lot.

The loss was all human. I played like a fool and lost like one. I should of run and gun'd but did not. Foolish mistake. Lesson learned

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And you played a good opponent. You should recognize strengths in others and work to emulate those strengths just as much as you recognize weaknesses in yourself.

 

Honestly, with all the people hammering this point in this thread, it's weird to see you still falling back to "I lost because I made x mistake". Unless your mistake was setting your ships to speed 0 and deciding to not fire any shots, your mistake is not the sole reason you lost.

 

You lost because you got outplayed and that's totally okay. We all get outplayed sometimes. It's not a slight to you. You're not going to get better by simply analyzing what you did wrong. You need to start emulating what your opponents are doing right.

Edited by WuFame

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So after dominating my Regionals at Vancouver, I lost in round 3 bad and I just can't stop thinking about it.

How or what do you do to get over a loss?

Lyraeus the worst loss I have experienced so far happened at my local Regional tournament. 

 

Before even placing my first ship on any board or much less before my hand even touched the door handle to the local shop I had made 3 huge mistakes...

1. Scheduled time with friends to hang out after regionals. Little to my knowledge I didn't know the game was going to run late due to attendance and my mind was more focused on getting out of there to do other things with my buddies.

2. I have a bad habit of making changes to my list at the last minute. I have got to stop doing this!

3. Went in assuming I was going do well. I went in with to much Overconfidence

I hung around and talked to a few of the guys that took byes. I found out about some mistakes I made in my game. I don't think I came off as a sore loser I wasn't angry or overly upset but my will to play anymore was just gone. Never been a tuck your tail kind of guy and leave after a loss but lately my games have just been loss after loss and my confidence in my playing skill has just been getting lower and lower.

What I feel helped me the most was choosing to take a break from the "Bigger" tournament scene. It was tough turning down an invite to play at another local Regional game but it's been refreshing not pressuring myself to "Win". For now I'll stick to the smaller local store events since they are more casual paced and I don't pressure myself nearly as much to do well. Which overall allows me to relax, play and enjoy the game. 

For me it was knowing a reasonable limit and stepping back for a break.I can't say this is the best thing for everyone but for me its working.

 

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So after dominating my Regionals at Vancouver, I lost in round 3 bad and I just can't stop thinking about it.

How or what do you do to get over a loss?

Lyraeus the worst loss I have experienced so far happened at my local Regional tournament. 

 

Before even placing my first ship on any board or much less before my hand even touched the door handle to the local shop I had made 3 huge mistakes...

1. Scheduled time with friends to hang out after regionals. Little to my knowledge I didn't know the game was going to run late due to attendance and my mind was more focused on getting out of there to do other things with my buddies.

2. I have a bad habit of making changes to my list at the last minute. I have got to stop doing this!

3. Went in assuming I was going do well. I went in with to much Overconfidence

I hung around and talked to a few of the guys that took byes. I found out about some mistakes I made in my game. I don't think I came off as a sore loser I wasn't angry or overly upset but my will to play anymore was just gone. Never been a tuck your tail kind of guy and leave after a loss but lately my games have just been loss after loss and my confidence in my playing skill has just been getting lower and lower.

What I feel helped me the most was choosing to take a break from the "Bigger" tournament scene. It was tough turning down an invite to play at another local Regional game but it's been refreshing not pressuring myself to "Win". For now I'll stick to the smaller local store events since they are more casual paced and I don't pressure myself nearly as much to do well. Which overall allows me to relax, play and enjoy the game. 

For me it was knowing a reasonable limit and stepping back for a break.I can't say this is the best thing for everyone but for me its working.

 

 

I know the feeling of #3. This is why I have to tell my self I will lose the game. It is to level me out and get my mind off of overconfidence mode and into game mode. Weird I know. 

 

Yea. My will do do anything this last weekend was nil. After that loss I was pretty morose. 

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Lyraeus, You are a strong gamer.  The light side is strong with you!  Both in creation of your fleets and playing this game you have great talent.

 

I would like to share one piece of advice.  In a tournament, I play only the game in front of me.  Let it be fun.  That being said,  I have only won how many Tournaments? 2.  So realistically I'm there to have fun, if I win then I win, if I don't then I don't.  I am there to meet some pretty great people including yourself.  I think what I am trying to say is maybe focus on the enjoyment more and less on the competitive side while playing.  This may relax you.  Just a thought.

 

Naboobo

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Lyraeus, You are a strong gamer.  The light side is strong with you!  Both in creation of your fleets and playing this game you have great talent.

 

I would like to share one piece of advice.  In a tournament, I play only the game in front of me.  Let it be fun.  That being said,  I have only won how many Tournaments? 2.  So realistically I'm there to have fun, if I win then I win, if I don't then I don't.  I am there to meet some pretty great people including yourself.  I think what I am trying to say is maybe focus on the enjoyment more and less on the competitive side while playing.  This may relax you.  Just a thought.

 

Naboobo

Yea. I tried to play the tournament and in the end it played me.

Sometimes blinders are a good thing ^_^

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Armada is a game.  Games are meant to be fun.  If a game isn't fun, win or lose, then it is really time to find something else do to with one's free time.

I don't understand gamers who get so salty when they lose a game, but god knows a lot of them do.  I've seen too many gaming groups, even casual local gaming groups, die out because a few sore losers who are overly invested end up ruining everyone's fun and driving people away to other games or hobbies.


I think the basic advice of this thread has hit a lot of the most important bits of "advice to gamers from gamers"

 

(1) Do not derive your self worth from the results of a boardgame, which is meant to be a fun communal hobby

(2) Realize that literally no one else is forming an opinion of your worth on your win or loss record in a boardgame

(3) Leave your arrogance at home and recognize that a loss (or a win) is always in part the result of match-up, opponent's decisions, your decisions, and chance
(4) When you are losing a game, don't be "that guy" who spirals downward and makes the game (or the whole event) less fun for your opponent or others around you


If one or more of those things is too difficult for someone, I really am perplexed by why they spend their time and money playing a game that seems to bring them so much distress when they aren't winning.  Obviously winning is more fun than losing, and brute competition offers its own satisfactions, but there's still plenty about the experience to enjoy and celebrate even when one is on the losing side of the table.

Edited by AllWingsStandyingBy

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Armada is a game.  Games are meant to be fun.  If a game isn't fun, win or lose, then it is really time to find something else do to with one's free time.

I don't understand gamers who get so salty when they lose a game, but god knows a lot of them do.  I've seen too many gaming groups, even casual local gaming groups, die out because a few sore losers who are overly invested end up ruining everyone's fun and driving people away to other games or hobbies.

I think the basic advice of this thread has hit a lot of the most important bits of "advice to gamers from gamers"

 

(1) Do not derive your self worth from the results of a boardgame, which is meant to be a fun communal hobby

(2) Leave your arrogance at the door and recognize that a loss (or a win) is always in part the result of match-up, opponent's decisions, your decisions, and chance

(3) When you are losing a game, don't be "that guy" who spirals downward and makes the game (or the whole event) less fun for your opponent or others around you

If one or more of those things is too difficult for someone, I really have to question why they spend their time and money playing a game that seems to bring them so much distress when they aren't winning.

Maybe because overcoming those hurdles and actually winning bring them intense satisfaction. The ability to play someone you know is strong and win is a huge draw. Not to mention that they may enjoy the strategy, the tactics, the scope, and the play of the game. It could also be the balance of the game.

 

You mention that match-up plays a part. Honestly, I don't think so. Sure a MSU list should in theory lose to a Rhymerball but both clontrooper5 and myself have proven that false on many an occasion. Opponents decisions matter but ultimately it will come down to you figuring those out and working around them. THAT is fun. taking the best your opponent throws at you and destroying them. What is not fun is losing a game that you yourself caused the loss. 

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You mention that match-up plays a part. Honestly, I don't think so. Sure a MSU list should in theory lose to a Rhymerball but both clontrooper5 and myself have proven that false on many an occasion. Opponents decisions matter but ultimately it will come down to you figuring those out and working around them.

 

I think this right here is another illustration of part of the issue, and it's yet another example of your level of arrogance that has been expressed multiple times throughout this thread (saying things like you "dominated" the Regional until your loss, wanting to categorize players into absolute hierarchies of skill with "strongest" players at the top, repeatedly refusing to see your particular loss as any sort of accomplishment of your opponent and purely as a result of a misstep you made, etc.).

Use this experience and all of this advice as an opportunity for self-reflection and growth, or don't.  Doesn't matter much either way, I suppose, but if you want to avoid these sorts of plunges into the salt mines in future events, it might be worth being a bit more mindful of your outlook (or else never losing again).

Edited by AllWingsStandyingBy

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You mention that match-up plays a part. Honestly, I don't think so. Sure a MSU list should in theory lose to a Rhymerball but both clontrooper5 and myself have proven that false on many an occasion. Opponents decisions matter but ultimately it will come down to you figuring those out and working around them.

 

I think this right here is another illustration of part of the issue, and it's yet another example of your level of arrogance that has been expressed multiple times throughout this thread (saying things like you "dominated" the Regional until your loss, wanting to categorize players into absolute hierarchies of skill with "strongest" players at the top, repeatedly refusing to see your particular loss as any sort of accomplishment of your opponent and purely as a result of a misstep you made, etc.).

Use this experience and all of this advice as an opportunity for self-reflection and growth, or don't.  Doesn't matter much either way, I suppose, but if you want to avoid these sorts of plunges into the salt mines in future events, it might be worth being a bit more mindful of your outlook (or else never losing again).

 

Wouldn't you characterize it a misstep when you charge a line of Gladiators? It was a silly misstep taken by a desire to win by a wide margin to secure my victory. I didn't follow my plan and was thrown off balance which caused my loss. I lost hard because of that. 

 

Is it arrogant to assume that I am that good? Sure, but Naboobo (my opponent), who has commented here has even acknowledged my capacity. I know I am a decent player, good enough to win and good enough to lose. It is what it is. 

 

There are a few things people can control in a game. One of those things is how they play. I can't be upset with my opponents play but I can condemn my own. I am always mad at my plays and not my opponents, that is just the way of it. I can't even be mad at the dice, for they are just averages. 

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It sounds like you've been able to process everything now, which is good.

 

My thing with competitive tournaments like this is everyone fancies themselves Danny LaRusso, but only one person gets to BE Danny LaRusso.

 

Sweep the legs!

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It sounds like you've been able to process everything now, which is good.

 

My thing with competitive tournaments like this is everyone fancies themselves Danny LaRusso, but only one person gets to BE Danny LaRusso.

 

Sweep the legs!

Everyone's thoughts, comments, and criticism helped a lot.

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