The Official Porkins Memorial Thread

[SpikeSpiegel 2,077]

I feel like Porkins is one of the many unsung heroes within the Star Wars universe and it is a shame that commendation for his heroic deeds are often overlooked due to the constant ridicule and jest about his weight.

 

So I dedicate this thread to our hero, Jek Porkins. Feel free to post your condolences and respects to our dearly departed.

 

 

 

 

William Hootkins is a fantastic actor and his portrayal of Porkins was one of my favorite parts of the Star Wars OT 

[jme 264]

That first pic is priceless.

 

RIP, Jek. You've reminded generations of pilots to ensure that their inertial compensators are working and correctly adjusted.

[Brockart 168]

I did a comic with Porkin's in it last year.  It's the alternate ending from 'A New Hope'. The one that never made it in the script.
I bet the Empire would've fallen faster if it were true.

[Kingsguard 343]

Hehe, win.

[Hawkstrike 5,372]

Ah, Piggy ... you should have punched out.

[Algetzz 28]

This is wonderful. RIP

[PenguinBonaparte 516]

Because there's always someone who hasn't seen it:

[InstantAequitas 678]

I like to think that he accepted his fate knowing that if he bailed out, he would have been incinerated by the destruction of the Death Star. He knew his friends and squad mates would carry the day so he pointed his X-wings nose towards the closest turbo laser and rode it in.

Kinda like Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove.

[Levi Porphyrogenitus 877]

Wookieepedia, the hotbed of terrorist propaganda, says that the terrorist pilot Jek Tono Porkins was struck by debris during the cowardly attack on the Death Star by terrorist snub fighters. This caused his instrumentation to fail, leading him to be too close to the surface of the station to evade Turbolaser fire.

 

However, in the terrorist propaganda film A New Hope, there is no indication of turbolaser fire striking his fighter in any of the archival footage that the terrorists repurposed for the piece. I theorize that Mr. Porkins and his ship, variously described as Blue 4, Blue 6, Red 4, and Red 6, suffered critical system failures upon being struck by debris, exacerbated by the amatuerish and ineffective terrorist maintenance crews who had trouble maintaining even such legacy equipment as Y-wings.

 

Mr. Porkins was a traitor and a murderer, and like all terrorists his memory should be forgotten, though the memories of those he so ruthlessly killed should be forever preserved by all loyal citizens of the glorious empire.

[General Mayhem 178]

Because there's always someone who hasn't seen it:

That gave me a good laugh today. Thanks.

[ShakeZoola72 979]

Wookieepedia, the hotbed of terrorist propaganda, says that the terrorist pilot Jek Tono Porkins was struck by debris during the cowardly attack on the Death Star by terrorist snub fighters. This caused his instrumentation to fail, leading him to be too close to the surface of the station to evade Turbolaser fire.

 

However, in the terrorist propaganda film A New Hope, there is no indication of turbolaser fire striking his fighter in any of the archival footage that the terrorists repurposed for the piece. I theorize that Mr. Porkins and his ship, variously described as Blue 4, Blue 6, Red 4, and Red 6, suffered critical system failures upon being struck by debris, exacerbated by the amatuerish and ineffective terrorist maintenance crews who had trouble maintaining even such legacy equipment as Y-wings.

 

Mr. Porkins was a traitor and a murderer, and like all terrorists his memory should be forgotten, though the memories of those he so ruthlessly killed should be forever preserved by all loyal citizens of the glorious empire.

Brilliantly put citizen!! I couldn't have said it better myself!!

[insom 9]

Edited January 23, 2015 by insom

[tbopper1 34]

#neverforget.....just wish he was in a Y-Wing

Edited January 23, 2015 by tbopper1

[CJKeys 156]

As a fat man not only is Porkins a hero to me due to his service with the rebellion, but hes the only character from Star Wars I can reasonably cosplay. Jek also lives on in casual games of X-Wing when he k turns and PTL without gaining any stress and somehow not hurting himself making my opponent pull out thier hair.

[SpikeSpiegel 2,077]

As a fat man not only is Porkins a hero to me due to his service with the rebellion, but hes the only character from Star Wars I can reasonably cosplay. Jek also lives on in casual games of X-Wing when he k turns and PTL without gaining any stress and somehow not hurting himself making my opponent pull out thier hair.

Speaking of Porkins and PtL: Porkins + PtL + R7-T1 = #cashmoney #value

[voidstate 697]

Speaking of Porkins and PtL: Porkins + PtL + R7-T1 = #cashmoney #value

 

 

Really? I'm never sure what makes R7-T1 useful. How do you use it?

[DagobahDave 1,621]

He was--

I'm sorry, I need a minute.

[SpikeSpiegel 2,077]

Speaking of Porkins and PtL: Porkins + PtL + R7-T1 = #cashmoney #value

 

Really? I'm never sure what makes R7-T1 useful. How do you use it?

1. Fly Porkins in joust mode at an enemy.

2. Activate R7-T1, boost into their face at range and get a TL.

3. PtL and focus, then remove stress.

4. As you roll damage dice for Porkins, yell out loud "I can hold it!"

5. Shoot 4 dice with a TL and focus token at some poor fella.

*OPTIONAL* 6. On the shot back, if Porkins dies, give a nice "Blaarrgghhhh!!!" Followed by an explosion sound.

But R7-T1 can potentially give you a triple-action, non-stressing Porkins when you're jousting with other ships.

[heychadwick 11,354]

I just flew Porkins last night!  He was one of my last ships destroyed in a 3 way fight.  His droid helped repair about 5 hits on him that game.  Brilliant.  Porkins with Stay On Target is great.

[jme 264]

Kinda like Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove.

 

So Porkins is what... Thick Pickens?  Totally calling him that now.