Jump to content
Elavion

You know you're playing Black Crusade, when...

Recommended Posts

When a simple task ends in a *face palm*...

 

My two players had the simple task of assassinating a minor official before he leaked their heretical plans to the inquisition. They had ample time and could do it in any subtle way. The players chose to spike the officials birthday cake at a banquet they were attending, the possessed cake ate the official just as everyone watched him blow out the candles!

 

To make matters worse they couldn't leave as witnesses and ended up being questioned by an inquisitor (played by me the GM) who ended up suspecting them of foul play after botched dice rolls to cover up and incriminate other guests. The inquisitor then kept trolling them with 'just one more thing...' questions and before you know it we had a 40k episode of Columbo!!!

 

Going to be honest, seeing someone get their face bitten off by a birthday cake would be freaking terrifying. I hope -everyone- gained insanity points there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

When a simple task ends in a *face palm*...

 

My two players had the simple task of assassinating a minor official before he leaked their heretical plans to the inquisition. They had ample time and could do it in any subtle way. The players chose to spike the officials birthday cake at a banquet they were attending, the possessed cake ate the official just as everyone watched him blow out the candles!

 

To make matters worse they couldn't leave as witnesses and ended up being questioned by an inquisitor (played by me the GM) who ended up suspecting them of foul play after botched dice rolls to cover up and incriminate other guests. The inquisitor then kept trolling them with 'just one more thing...' questions and before you know it we had a 40k episode of Columbo!!!

 

Going to be honest, seeing someone get their face bitten off by a birthday cake would be freaking terrifying. I hope -everyone- gained insanity points there.

 

They did gain corruption points! They put liquid warp matter in the cake (distilled by heretical ways a few missions before). I treated the vile of liquid warp like carrying around a bottle of radioactive liquid so the longer they had it the more chance it had of taking effect. Their choice did derail my original plans, but was quite fun to play out. If your interested, they did manage to escape the inquisitor and then went on to do another creatively silly plan bellow...

 

They decided to join a Slanneshi pleasure cult and took control. By chance they earlier discovered a small genestealer cult and made a pact with them. My players provided suitable host victims which the genestealer cult would impregnate, which in turn would help them harness the lustful emotions of the hosts for a big ritual. This went well until all the people became addicted to having genestealer babies, which had genestealer babies, which had genestealer babies  etc etc... and before you know it they had to escape before being 'cultivated' by the mutants who were about to overthrow the hive by over population!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When you find yourself as minions of a Khornate warlords black crusade to capture an Imperial titan and accidentally drop half his armoured support in the middle of an ice field, sinking most of it...

Isn't that a Dawn of War: Winter Assault Campaign?  Was your leader Lord Crull?  :P

 

Edited by Brother Malachai

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When you think your Plague marine is invincible and then a couple of tyranid warriors show up.

And you then realize you're a Plague Marine and laugh as their claws patter harmlessly off your armored hide, all the while the pox-blessed miasma that surrounds you reduces said Warriors to so much gruel.

 

Nurgle is love, Nurgle is life

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The Heretics have been attacking a heavy cruiser commanded by a Tzeenchian sorcerer and have finally fought their way to the bridge - to find it packed with armsmen and the sorcerer sheltering behind a massive kine shield, and summoning a Lord Of Change.

 

Asked for 'the plan' at this point, the team came up with several:

 

A) Ask the sorcerer lord for a job.
B) None of your goddam business (need a plan.....need a plan.....need a plan.....)
C) Fly over to the sorcerer and poke him in the eye
D) Try to cut a deal with the Lord Of Change
E) See if there is an escape pod handy somewhere
F) Screw it, bezerker charge...
G) Tell the sorcerer to go to the naughty step
H) Use a firm and commanding tone with the greater daemon and order him to leave us alone
I) Suggest a riddling contest
J) Summon another greater daemon
K) Offer the sorcerer a bribe
L) We are all gonna die, aren't we?
M) Don't Panic.... okay, maybe panic a bit.
N) Get a doctor's note to say we aren't allowed to play
O) Ask politely if the daemonic incursion could be rescheduled
P) Plead insanity
Q) Cut ourselves with chainswords and bleed on them
R) Offer a light snack as a distraction
S) Chaos Spawn!
T) Take a time out and figure out what the hell the real plan actually is
U) Tell the Slaaneshi to get naked to distract him
V) Druuuuugs!
W) Calmly turn around and leave again, maybe he hasn't seen us yet, then run very quickly
X) Ask the sorcerer nicely if he'd consider not summoning a daemon to kill us
Y) Play dead
Z) Accept our fate and just die.

 

In the end, over half of these 'plans' got used in one form or another.

Edited by Magnus Grendel

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The Heretics have been attacking a heavy cruiser commanded by a Tzeenchian sorcerer and have finally fought their way to the bridge - to find it packed with armsmen and the sorcerer sheltering behind a massive kine shield, and summoning a Lord Of Change.

 

Asked for 'the plan' at this point, the team came up with several:

 

A) Ask the sorcerer lord for a job.

B) None of your goddam business (need a plan.....need a plan.....need a plan.....)

C) Fly over to the sorcerer and poke him in the eye

D) Try to cut a deal with the Lord Of Change

E) See if there is an escape pod handy somewhere

F) Screw it, bezerker charge...

G) Tell the sorcerer to go to the naughty step

H) Use a firm and commanding tone with the greater daemon and order him to leave us alone

I) Suggest a riddling contest

J) Summon another greater daemon

K) Offer the sorcerer a bribe

L) We are all gonna die, aren't we?

M) Don't Panic.... okay, maybe panic a bit.

N) Get a doctor's note to say we aren't allowed to play

O) Ask politely if the daemonic incursion could be rescheduled

P) Plead insanity

Q) Cut ourselves with chainswords and bleed on them

R) Offer a light snack as a distraction

S) Chaos Spawn!

T) Take a time out and figure out what the hell the real plan actually is

U) Tell the Slaaneshi to get naked to distract him

V) Druuuuugs!

W) Calmly turn around and leave again, maybe he hasn't seen us yet, then run very quickly

X) Ask the sorcerer nicely if he'd consider not summoning a daemon to kill us

Y) Play dead

Z) Accept our fate and just die.

 

In the end, over half of these 'plans' got used in one form or another.

 

Which plans exactly? Just curious honestly.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The Heretics have been attacking a heavy cruiser commanded by a Tzeenchian sorcerer and have finally fought their way to the bridge - to find it packed with armsmen and the sorcerer sheltering behind a massive kine shield, and summoning a Lord Of Change.

 

Asked for 'the plan' at this point, the team came up with several:

 

A) Ask the sorcerer lord for a job.

B) None of your goddam business (need a plan.....need a plan.....need a plan.....)

C) Fly over to the sorcerer and poke him in the eye

D) Try to cut a deal with the Lord Of Change

E) See if there is an escape pod handy somewhere

F) Screw it, bezerker charge...

G) Tell the sorcerer to go to the naughty step

H) Use a firm and commanding tone with the greater daemon and order him to leave us alone

I) Suggest a riddling contest

J) Summon another greater daemon

K) Offer the sorcerer a bribe

L) We are all gonna die, aren't we?

M) Don't Panic.... okay, maybe panic a bit.

N) Get a doctor's note to say we aren't allowed to play

O) Ask politely if the daemonic incursion could be rescheduled

P) Plead insanity

Q) Cut ourselves with chainswords and bleed on them

R) Offer a light snack as a distraction

S) Chaos Spawn!

T) Take a time out and figure out what the hell the real plan actually is

U) Tell the Slaaneshi to get naked to distract him

V) Druuuuugs!

W) Calmly turn around and leave again, maybe he hasn't seen us yet, then run very quickly

X) Ask the sorcerer nicely if he'd consider not summoning a daemon to kill us

Y) Play dead

Z) Accept our fate and just die.

 

In the end, over half of these 'plans' got used in one form or another.

 

Awesome. N) somehow made me crack up more than the others.

 

I'd probably offer a bribe or tell the Lord of change to sitch sides since the PC's are cleary more favoured by the gods...and if that all failed...berserker charge!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When your Warpsmith is essentially Willy Wonka, only less of a sociopath

 

When the following conversation happens:

 

Khornite Berserker: If we cause too much damage, we won't be able to come back at a later date and kill some more. It is in Khorne's best long term interest to stop now and-

 

Tzeentch Psyker: SCREW LONG TERM, JUST BREAK EVERYTHING!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG!!!!

 

When you (in game no less) consider Games Workshop to be a far greater evil than you ever were.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you may have inherited a relative of one of our tzeenchian psykers. There's a reason they were referred to as the "perils of the warp squad".

 

Which plans exactly? Just curious honestly

 

Not all of them deliberately or in a specific order, or at the correct point in time, and some were their minions rather than themselves, but:

 

C) Fly over to the sorcerer and [try to] poke him in the eye [bloody kineshields]

D) Try to cut a deal with the Lord Of Change [Really didn't work unless you were looking for an exchange rate between insults and Bolts of Change]

F) Screw it, bezerker charge... [The khornate, of course]

H) Use a firm and commanding tone with the greater daemon and order him to leave us alone [There was a hastily improvised ritual* but that's essentially what it boils down to]

L) We are all gonna die, aren't we? [Asked repeatedly]

M) Don't Panic.... okay, maybe panic a bit. [Rather a lot, to be honest]
 

Q) Cut ourselves with chainswords and bleed on them [With Khornate Blood Substitution it's not as stupid a plan as it sounds)

S) Chaos Spawn! [The ultimate end state of the sorcerer]

U) Tell the Slaaneshi to get naked to distract him [Due to a rather unfortunate perils of the warp destroying all her equipment and clothing]

V) Druuuuugs! [specifically sweetmeats - Regeneration (4) is the only reason most of them are still alive]

W) Calmly turn around and leave again, maybe he hasn't seen us yet, then run very quickly [it didn't work]

Z) Accept our fate and just die. [nine minions found themselves 'volunteering' to provide a sacrifice for the "daemonology improv act"]

 

 

 

 

* And one for the quote book - not all the party was present. One of the word bearers is on the vox and asks "errr......I don't  wish to concern people, but does anyone know how to un-summon a greater daemon?"

Edited by Magnus Grendel

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You know you're playing Black Crusade, when the first session of our new campaign ended with the plan that Abaddon the despoiler has to go because he is the only person old enough in the universe who isn't on life support or a demon sufficiently senior to try and pull rank

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When you stat out the player's Daemon Prince/Princess characters post ascension and:

  • The Unaligned is essentially a walking AC/DC cover, with bat wings, horns, and a corona of black flames flickering across his skin and enough stacked up favour to spontaneously summon into being any gift he wishes.
  • The Slaaneshi has never bothered to acquire any new wargear and is essentially now permenantly naked. However anyone within 20 metres is at -30 WP and anyone within 10 at -40 WP. This is on top of Fear (4), Charm +20 and Deceive +30. Essentially walking into a room turns mortals instantly into mindless zombies.
  • The Khornate has recovered her legacy axe, and whilst frenzied now does a faintly insane 4D10 (picking the best 2D10) + 43 damage, with a Pen value enough to go straight through reinforced powered armour chest plates without slowing down. More importantly, any psyker within 64 metres is at half psy rating and she ignores psychic attacks on a willpower test with a +50 WP - +60 when it's mind controlling (only capping out because of the +/- 60 limit!)
  • The Nurglesque has a toughness of 100 and an all-up toughness bonus of 19. Plus Armour 14. Plus 44 wounds. Plus Regeneration (7). Plus a once-per-turn reaction giving an average of 7-8 extra points of toughness bonus - a magnitude 200 horde of guardsmen rapid-firing into him continuously is virtually unable to hurt him. On the other hand, he has a faintly laughable agility of '7'.  

When the Khornate and Slaaneshi's first response on hearing this was to both wander over and stand next to the (currently still mortal) Tzeenchian sorcerer and keep poking him, daring him to try and use his psychic powers.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

  • When one daemon prince carries out a daemonology ritual, invoking "the unholy power of....well....me."

  • When the Nurgle Daemon gets body-slammed by a Furian Leviathan. Twice. His response, after burning three infamy points to recover wounds, is "I'm almost annoyed."

When the Khorne Daemon's former Xurunsh mount is now the size of a superheavy tank and gets around by nestling itself down on the outside of the spine of the ship.

When, upon entering a secret route into a rival daemon's fortress, the heretics discover a weeping child. Who turns out to be one of the heretics, pre-ascension - coalesced around a bit of her psyche that she left behind the last time she was there.

When the one heretic who hasn't reached ascension is getting increasingly nervous at the course things are taking and (as he has Into The Jaws Of Hell) is vital to keep all their mortal allies from passing out in terror at the conclave of daemon princes leading the assault

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

- When one of the party members playes as a recent space marine convert and later on kills himself infront of the majority of the party

 

- When a human khornate player can kill a space marine in max 3 hits 

 

- When you Infeltrate a Hellforge and kinda wish you wasent a warpsmith but a Scourceror only to use compell to not get discovered that you serve an opposing warband

 

- When the players avoid doctors like the plauge only cus they killed 2 players while rolling 100 on medicae

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When you spend a full action to say this to a (currently) loyalist marine company, "The look on your faces when a 1.6m, 40kg girl rips the hearts out of your captain THROUGH his terminator armor and shows them to you; priceless."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When you spend a full action to say this to a (currently) loyalist marine company, "The look on your faces when a 1.6m, 40kg girl rips the hearts out of your captain THROUGH his terminator armor and shows them to you; priceless."

How did you do this i must know

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

When you spend a full action to say this to a (currently) loyalist marine company, "The look on your faces when a 1.6m, 40kg girl rips the hearts out of your captain THROUGH his terminator armor and shows them to you; priceless."

How did you do this i must know

 

 

Xurunt Frost Father, 20 points into strength, 4 strength advancements, Unarmed Master, Illusion of normality, Skeletal Petrifaction, Synthmusle, and Nerve Induction Tines that have been modified so that under certain circumstances her unarmed attacks have a pen of 8.

 

 

Strangely I imagine an anime girl with the hand of Khorne favor for some reason

That could be the most disgusting thing I've read on this forum XD

 

 

You obviously didn't realize that she had her Pheromone Generator modified so she could ignore the Khorne Berserker's Cold Hearted talent.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

When you end up with inevitable Monty Python quote:
 

we'd better not risk another frontal assault, that nurgling's dynamite!


After the (strangely awesome) nurgling managed to Zealous Hatred one of the player's minions twice in a row, killing it, whilst the supposedly awesome blade cultist whiffed his attack rolls both times....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...