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Elavion

You know you're playing Black Crusade, when...

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When your warband is going to take a transport to stop a cult's wannabe god's destructive ritual off their newly acquired starship, only for the most insane among them to instead destroy the entire planet with the vessel's weapons - effectively ruining the Compact-maker's owned world. 

 

When said insane guy has long been killed, burned to ash, and the Player's new character pries the molten thrones from his previous character's still smoldering ashes.

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When the next planet you land on looks like it was ripped out o Boarderlands and your party decides the midget psychos are just to cute to kill. 

 

When your war band keeps on around as a mascot and it so demoralizes the enemy that everyone gets +10 on intimidation roles. 

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When your thousand sons marine uses a psychic power twice and fails twice 2nd time round turns into a lord of change and at that point the berserker decides he can take that daemon. I must add the party did survive with only the thousand sons guy as a causality more luck then skill there   

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When everyone is all excited to have the khorne chosen square off against the space wolf assault marine.  They trade blows the first round without either scoring a hit in close rolls where every DoS matters.  Then, before their initiatives in round 2, the noise marine just blows them both up with his blast master.

 

"You're not truly a member of the Sons of Infamy until you've been killed by Minnie's blastmaster at least once."

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When the main reason you're Chaos Warband is so successful is because your Heretek and Chaos worshiping Navigator teamed up and managed to successfully reverse engineer Tau spaceship technology and you're all using the slower but more stable Tau drives to travel between planets; Since the Imperial planets you are raiding are far enough away from the Tau Empire that they have never had to try and detect Tau Ships while they are lightly skimming the warp combined with the skill of the fleet's Navigators, the Sodomy of Children Fleet often appears beside the defending Imperial orbital defenders and is already opening fire before the poor bastards even know what hits them.

 

Because of the above tactics, your Warband's main opposition comes from three different fronts: 

 

The Adeptus Mechanicus because of tech heresy (And a desire to take the ships so that they can study this heresy for themselves).

The Elder because they dislike the idea of Chaos worshipers copying their tactics, even if its poorly imitated.

A rival Nurgle warband who views your 'new' method of approach to be an affront to Papa Nurgle. 

 

The warband flesh craftier has an obsession with creating various cute and cuddly hybrid animals; Her greatest success so far is the Owlkitten. Half Owl, half cat, all cuddles. Her dream is to create enough Owlkittens as to create a stable breeding population to seed across various planets. The rest of the Warband is growing concerned that their chief medic is a crazy cat lady.   

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When a new player, a veteran of the long war makes a dynamic entrance to a battlefield falling from the skies using a warp tainted umbrella to slow their descent just enough to avoid death, landing on an Imperial tank and firing an RPG straight down into it at point blank range setting it on fire and somehow survives this. The dice gods seem to favour this one...

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When a new player, a veteran of the long war makes a dynamic entrance to a battlefield falling from the skies using a warp tainted umbrella to slow their descent just enough to avoid death, landing on an Imperial tank and firing an RPG straight down into it at point blank range setting it on fire and somehow survives this. The dice gods seem to favour this one...

 

When said character is a follower of Nurgle who believes that "A spoonful of sugar helps the anti-medicine go down!"

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When the Warpsmith finally gets a daemon engine of his very own - and loses control of it in its first combat outing. It massacres its way through the city guard and then notices the plague marine it was supposed to be 'supporting' and thunders towards him, before being taken down by a point-blank range reaper autocannon burst at the last moment - and exploding, nearly killing the plague marine anyway

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When the Warpsmith finally gets a daemon engine of his very own - and loses control of it in its first combat outing. It massacres its way through the city guard and then notices the plague marine it was supposed to be 'supporting' and thunders towards him, before being taken down by a point-blank range reaper autocannon burst at the last moment - and exploding, nearly killing the plague marine anyway

 

 

What sort of daemon they bind into it? I'd like to think it was a Beast of Nurgle.

 

So when it's breaking loose it goes: "playplayplay play play play!!!" and then spots the plague marine: "Hugs? Plaaaaay!!!"

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When the Warpsmith finally gets a daemon engine of his very own - and loses control of it in its first combat outing. It massacres its way through the city guard and then notices the plague marine it was supposed to be 'supporting' and thunders towards him, before being taken down by a point-blank range reaper autocannon burst at the last moment - and exploding, nearly killing the plague marine anyway

 

When the Plague Marine is finished off by a Bolt of Change from the Thousands Sons Marine who mutters "Just as planned....."

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When "hey lets have a simple email based adventure between our next missions" suddenly ends up having not 1 but 3 unplanned demon princes and a keeper of secrets involved.

 

The nurgle sorc player turns into jabba the hut from eating warp eel (lure of the expanse)

The slan chosen goes khorne cutting off people's heads during a social conflict

The thousand sons sorc turns into slanessh's greatest champion.

And the noise marine shows restraint.

 

Its enough to make a grown gm cry.

Edited by Kamikazzijoe

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When "hey lets have a simple email based adventure between our next missions" suddenly ends up having not 1 but 3 unplanned demon princes and a keeper of secrets involved.

 

The slan chosen goes khorne cutting off people's heads

 

 

That stuf happens more than you'd expect. During the end times for warhammer, Sigvald "The magnifficent" ( Slaanesh's nr.1 son) gets his face scarred by Krell. Sigvald goes full on berzerk and beats Krell to (deader than) death with his bare hands all the while not caring that he is breaking his own hands while doing so!

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- When you make a Renegade that is a 100% faithful rendition of League of Legends Jinx, blowing extra trade-ins to start with a customized multi-barreled Heavy Stubber that's twin-linked and chain-fed but Best Craftsmanship so it can't jam with a near-infinite supply of special ammo to make up for damage/pen, whose normal role is "place demo packs everywhere within a few square kilometers from where plans are before the plans get put into place," who negotiated a cheaper XP price for the "fire into melee without penalty" talent because she DIDN'T take the part where she can't hit allies on a near miss, who has intentionally sabotaged three negotiations with other power-players in the sector because the massive explosions were less boring...

And she's STILL the most reasonable and humane character in the bunch.

 

- When you're GMing a game through a forum, there's a Tzeentian sorcerer and an Alpha Marine in your game, you have full PM/Email records of everything the both of them are up to, and you STILL CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHO'S PLANNING WHAT.

 

- When you get into an argument with the GM about having to make a roll for mutations at the end of character creation because you spent a full day setting everything up and now you need to figure out whether your face-of-the-group, start-cults-amongst-Loyalists, high-Fellowship Apostate is going to have eye stalks, be a centaur, or have a featureless face. And the rest of the players can't figure out why this might be a big deal.

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...when the Nurglite Warpsmith orders down a macrocannon strike against a Tzeentchian daemon prince via hacked comm channels and pre-spliced wires, purely to distract said daemon prince long enough for the Warpsmith's comrades to escape.

...when the daemon prince shrugs off said blast after several minutes of digging himself out.

...when the same Nurglite Warpsmith blows himself up in an explosive hug after being cornered. ('You know, I do still have five detonation charges remaining...")

...when said character receives just enough Corruption from dying to push himself over a mutation threshold, and receives Headless as a result.

 

(I had set up a one-shot related to my RT/DH2E game that involved a bunch of sneaky and deceptive Nurglites attempting to out-scheme said daemon prince, so all of this happened at the end.)

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When the Slaaneshi Possessed punches a hellblade out of the air, into another hellblade. Then faceplants into the ground when she drops down again.

 

When the Tzeenchian Sorceror finally lets rip with Blast Of Change on absolute full power and obliterates a small city block - before falling over backwards, unconcious and steaming and sparking slightly, from combined Boon Of Tzeench and Perils Of The Warp.

 

When the Plague Marine 'distracts' a full infantry company by standing out in the open and letting them shoot him with autoguns for about five minutes (to no appreciable effect).

 

When the Khornate Frost Maiden finally acquires a legacy rune weapon (in return for several scars, one eye and a small army) and is now probably capable of taking down lighter scout titans with a good backswing.

 

When the Warpsmith is reduced to standing in the navigatorium openly cursing and rejecting the chaos gods as 'false repentence' in order to avoid being reduced to a spawn.

 

When the Dark Apostle is trying to summon a daemon to consult with whilst the Warpsmith is doing this (without realising it) and said daemon appears behind him, outside the summoning circle, and says "please tell him to stop doing that" - the Dark Apostle realising at this point he's called up something rather more impressive than he'd planned on summoning....

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When the fallen space wolf leads a stealth mission on a space wolf strike cruiser while his whole army is being wiped out so he can steal all their fenrisian ale.

The sound marine starts every battle like the opening scenes from west side story.

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When the Warpsmith provides respirator masks for all the heretics who don't have sealed armour before setting foot on the nurgle swamp world.... but forgets to provide anything for his servitors. Half an hour later, with a heavy-calibre autocannon's firing mechanism wired to steadily decaying brain matter, there is an 'incident'.

 

When the Plague Marine fights off a pack of mandrakes solo  in a misty swamp whilst on fire for the entire battle (not caring due to the mark of nurgle apart from a few occasional wounds), before wandering over to a deep pool and standing underwater until the balefire goes out.

 

When the Thousand Sons sorceror uses Boon of Tzeench and unloads a Psy Rating 20 Bolt of Tzeench - unfettered, not pushed - into the last survivng mandrake attacking him because "I dislike being ambushed". The remains of the mandrake has mutated into a firewyrm spawn before it lands with a wet splat in the swamp.

 

When the Frost Maiden's immediate response is to make survival tests (complete with a grapple attack 'assistance' by her Xurunsh) to wrangle the spawn, which is now on a leash following the Possessed around.

 

When the Warpsmith and his surviving servitor cuts one of a dark eldar light cruiser's surviving lances free from the crashed wreckage, and his first thought about the hundred-and-fifty metre long capital ship gun is "I wonder what happens if we turn this into a daemon weapon?".

Edited by Magnus Grendel

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