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Elavion

You know you're playing Black Crusade, when...

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  • When the Alpha Legion marine has two human minions and three requisitioned soldiers for a mission, all of whom are called "Alpharius".

When everyone knows the Alpha Legionary is up to something, but no-one can figure out exactly what.

When The Tzeenchian Psyker has a habit of epic and unfortunately appropriate psychic phenomena. The best example being "all mirrors and reflective surfaces nearby shatter" whilst the party were duelling atop a series of twenty-metre high polished obsidian pillars. The fall hurt.

When the Tzeenchian Psyker used Bolt of Change for the first time and couldn't stop giggling like a loon for five minutes

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-A player's pet Daemonette puts up only token resistance against being devoured whole by a maw in the ground brimming with tentacles, only to show up later covered in bite marks.

 

WHAT A DAY THAT WAS.

 

On topic:

 

  • When a tzeentch aligned heretek ends up possessed by a lord of change in the middle of a cathedral on a heavily fortified shrine world (pre-invasion) while a bloodthirster is rampaging outside and several hundred of said heretek's finest men are running around (disguised as Imperial Guardsmen might I add) trying to avoid the blood thirster and the ever closing ring of Storm Wardens around the town where the Cathedral is based.
  • When said heretek breaks down and prays to the emperor for help
  • When two PC's are fighting a secret war against each other on a distant planet for control of said planet
  • When the khornate player gets two limbs blown off and the heretek installs new ones with bombs inside
  • When the possessed heretek uses the Lord of Change's bolt of change to 1 shot a slaaneshi keeper of secrets
Edited by raknorn

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From the last couple of sessions:

  • When the Thousand Sons marine starts using Boon Of Tzeench, pushed, to empower Force Barrage, also pushed, at some truly ridiculous psy rating, and starts yelling "Unnnnnnlliiiimmmmitttteddddd pooooowwwweeeeerrrrrrrr!!!!!" as he nearly gets put into critical damage by the feedback.
  • When it takes eight turns for the Frost Maiden to come out of frenzy, and half of those are spend repeadedly smashing the warpsmith in the face with a length of rusty pipe.
  • When the Q'Sal Magus then triggers a psychic phenomena which frenzies everyone nearby.....including the Frost Maiden (again)
  • When the Dark Apostle comes out of a long, bloody battle with more followers than he went into it with
  • You read the Tome of Blood armoury and discover that in addition to the chainsword, chainspear and chainaxe, the chainhammer is apparently now a thing
  • When the unarmed plague marine 'aquires' a weapon by letting his opponent stab him in the stomach with it, then casually walking off, largely unharmed, with the sword still lodged in his guts
Edited by Magnus Grendel

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I imagine the warpsmith trying (in vain) to hold down the Forst father with both hands, his servo arms and a bunch of mechandrites. While the frost father keeps wailing on the warpsmith's head.

 

*TONK TONK TONK TONK TONK!*

Warpsmith: "Calm down!"

*TONK TONK TONK TONK TONK!*

Frost father: 'I AM CALM! I AM DOWN! RAAAGH!"

*TONK TONK TONK TONK TONK!*

Warpsmith: "what?"

*TONK TONK TONK TONK TONK!*

Warpsmith: "Look, stop that!"

*TONK TONK TONK TONK TONK!*

Frost father: "NEVER!!! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!"

*TONK TONK TONK TONK TONK!*

Warpsmith: "Oi! This is starting to hurt! Relax will you!"

*TONK TONK TONK TONK TONK!*

Frost father: "BURNMAIMKILLBURNMAIMKILL"

*TONK TONK TONK TONK TONK!*

Warpsmith: "Sigh."

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I imagine the warpsmith trying (in vain) to hold down the Forst father with both hands, his servo arms and a bunch of mechandrites. While the frost father keeps wailing on the warpsmith's head.

 

*TONK TONK TONK TONK TONK!*

Warpsmith: "Calm down!"

*TONK TONK TONK TONK TONK!*

Frost father: 'I AM CALM! I AM DOWN! RAAAGH!"

*TONK TONK TONK TONK TONK!*

Warpsmith: "what?"

*TONK TONK TONK TONK TONK!*

Warpsmith: "Look, stop that!"

*TONK TONK TONK TONK TONK!*

Frost father: "NEVER!!! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!"

*TONK TONK TONK TONK TONK!*

Warpsmith: "Oi! This is starting to hurt! Relax will you!"

*TONK TONK TONK TONK TONK!*

Frost father: "BURNMAIMKILLBURNMAIMKILL"

*TONK TONK TONK TONK TONK!*

Warpsmith: "Sigh."

 

Sadly* it was rather more serious than this; the reason the frost father was wielding said piece of corroded plumbing was that we were playing Broken Chains, and the heretics had yet to retrieve their own weapons and armour (and helmets). There was quite a lot of blood spatter, and the Warpsmith needs some serious dental work.

 

* For the heretics - I found it rather entertaining....

 

 

 

 

In addition - when your party's two psykers have officially been christened "The Perils of the Warp Squad"

Edited by Magnus Grendel

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when your party can't decide if it's first action  on an imperial hive is overload the reactors, or take over the local drug cartels so the slanessish marine stops twitching so much.

 

when it is not uncommon for the alpha legion guy with a jump pack and auto cannon tends to act like some sort of evil flying rambo, complete with one liners. 

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When the big bad melee guy fails the summoning from Toppled Spires, gets corruption from the contempt of the warp putting him over the mutation threshold and ends up getting cursed with squeaky voice mutation.

 

When the only character to be nearly killed by the warp storm from killing Sulkulus is the thousand sons marine.

Edited by Kamikazzijoe

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When - after the dice finally cought up with the Perils of the Warp Squad - the Q'Sal Magus was left unable to use her powers, naked, unarmed, lightly on fire and with a compound fracture in one leg, her first response is to ask if the daemonhost currently accompanying the Heretics can help. And, on being told he can, accept said help immediately without asking for details. And now (a) has interesting and impossible-to-disguise new mutations and (b) owes a daemon prince an ill-specified favour.

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When a corrupted Space Wolf librarian (now sorcerer) using a false name and new identity unknown to all plays a game against a Slaaneshi daemonically possessed heretic offering to let himself be controlled if the daemon can guess his name in six attempts or depart from the possessed body. Sorcerer resists the daemons attempts to gather intel so GM agrees to chance it with the player and on a D100 roll of 01-05 will miraculously get it right. GM rolls a 03 and continues for the rest of the session with the Space Wolf character on a leash and calls him Fido.

 

When a Qsall Magister, rather than take the stairs like a normal person to get down into the depths of a hanger bay, decides to jump over the balcony about 8 stories down and use his levitation abilities to slow himself before hitting the ground...and subsequently triggers a peril of the warp and suffers chronological inconsistency and vanishes for 5 minutes with another *pop* before landing. During the same encounter the Space Wolf took the stairs, the heretek searched and found a working lift and decided to stick obscene gestures up at the wolf on the way down. The wolf responded and used Chains of Torment to make the lift jerk to a dramatic halt braining the occupant, returning the gesture and continuing down, beating the heretek to the bottom.

 

When six characters have to make toughness tests to avoid being stunned by a powerful explosive effect and all three of the CSM fail the roll and spend a few minutes dazed and confused while all three humans seem blissfully unaffected and use the time to hurl quiet insults at the bossy marines.

Edited by Calgor Grim

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When your characters, who have built demon engines using pregnant women and orphaned children as sacrifices, driven entire worlds to mutation, plague, then burned them to the ground and snorted the ashes, and unwind after a hard day by relaxing by a fire featuring still alive victims for wood while drinking wine made from distilled pain and despair (that they themselves caused) and playing a guitar with strings made from the heart of imperial citizens (with their souls trapped inside the strings), are horrified and disgusted by the cancellation of firefly and of TV executive behavior in general. 

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Even evil has standards...

 

Inquisitor: "You have killed and mutaliated billions of people and sundred a score of worlds!"

Cultist: "At least we didn't cancel "Days of our Emperor" five episodes away from the season finale."

Inquisitor: "Wanna join my warband and help me track down the bastards responsable for that?"

Cultist: "Only if i get my daemon sword back."

Inquisitor:" If you use it on them? Sure!"

Cultist: "Sweet!"

Both: *High five*

Edited by Robin Graves

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When the GM manages to put a Slaaneshi Champion in a Khornate warband.

 

When said champion drops a mountain on said warband.

 
When the Iron Warrior shoots down the only transport that the Slaaneshi could find to get some of his men out before the mountain crashes almost killing the Assassin. 

 

When the assassin character most of the Khornate Lord's tanks and vehicles through the ice sheet.

 

When the Iron Warrior spends most of his time organising a nice and neat efficient landing pad.

 

When the Night Lord Raptor deliberately lands his Dreadclaw through the same landing pad.

 

When the Iron Warrior, annoyed that his logistical masterpiece is being wrecked by incompetant cultists, so slaughters all the overseers and replaces them with the first people he spots. 

 

When the Slaaneshi Champion, looking for the perfect duel, draws his sword and charges a battle titan that's just finished powering up. 

 

When no one trusts the Night Lord. 

 

When you do all the above in two sessions. 

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When you consider the destruction of a Shrine World & the enslavement of it's people to a bunch of soul eating monstrosities a win.

 

When you are trying to become said soul eating monstrosities.

 

When it's no longer about how powerful you are, but how large the army you've built into attacking the empire is.

Edited by Shadow070mni

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- When your Psyker accidentaly summons a Bloodletter, gets his right arm chopped of, burns infamy to survive, gets corruption via failing, and grows an additional left arm.

 

- When most, if not all, trouble the warband goes through is a consequence of the Tzeentchian Sorcerer's compulsive lying.

 

- When the most level-headed person in the warband is the aspiring Berzerker.

 

- When the aforementioned Berzerker is indiscriminately killing NPCs with no concern for their usefulness and is still the most level-headed person in the warband (for the record I do, in fact, love this).

Edited by Gulanth

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...when the warband decided to talk to Dread Korvaska (the planet itself) with a ritual rather than deal with all the complications of settling on an actively malign world.

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...when your visit to a Tzeentch daemon world turns into an episode of Coyote and Roadrunner complete with prop umbrella at the end of it along with three syringes, a box and two tin cans on a piece of string and yet somehow the group are happy with that result. Don't ask.

 

But how....... okay fine, not asking! :P

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...when your visit to a Tzeentch daemon world turns into an episode of Coyote and Roadrunner complete with prop umbrella at the end of it along with three syringes, a box and two tin cans on a piece of string and yet somehow the group are happy with that result. Don't ask.

 

But how....... okay fine, not asking! :P

 

It's because the GM doesn't understand how either. The only way they got out was by walking away from the exit facing precisely a 171 degree angle...

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...when your visit to a Tzeentch daemon world turns into an episode of Coyote and Roadrunner complete with prop umbrella at the end of it along with three syringes, a box and two tin cans on a piece of string and yet somehow the group are happy with that result. Don't ask.

 

But how....... okay fine, not asking! :P

It's because the GM doesn't understand how either. The only way they got out was by walking away from the exit facing precisely a 171 degree angle...

I'm scared. I feel like I'm missing a serious reference.

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wait, how did they figure that out? Exactly 171 degrees?

 

If i was in my killer GM mood  i'd hit them with 1D10 damage for each degree they were off. :D

 

If it's a refernce i'm not getting it either (Id' be tempted to say its a Hounds of Tindalos thing (but they used 90 degree corners or less)

 

Googling "171" turns up oddly tzeentchian refenences: its devidable by 9, Tzeentch's devine number. Also turns out that in the Brazilian Penal code it means "Scam or confindence trickster.

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wait, how did they figure that out? Exactly 171 degrees?

 

If i was in my killer GM mood  i'd hit them with 1D10 damage for each degree they were off. :D

 

If it's a refernce i'm not getting it either (Id' be tempted to say its a Hounds of Tindalos thing (but they used 90 degree corners or less)

 

Googling "171" turns up oddly tzeentchian refenences: its devidable by 9, Tzeentch's devine number. Also turns out that in the Brazilian Penal code it means "Scam or confindence trickster.

 

Yep, it's a number divisible by the sacred number of Tzeentch. To be honest they could have used, 9, 18, 27 etc. It was a number a player plucked out the air that just happened to be divisible after I spent a second on a calculator thinking of something.

Edited by Calgor Grim

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