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Elavion

You know you're playing Black Crusade, when...

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-When your Slaaneshi psyker blows open a safe with her powers, 'accidentally' strikes two other members of the warband, and licks the now cherry hot key found within. 

 

-When your Slaaneshi psyker is worried about losing her psi-focus, so as a backup collects the fingers of enemies she's slain just in case she needs to forge another one. And by collect I mean "bites off".

 

-When your Word Bearer mutates, is turned inside out, and strides into battle duel wielding flamers (recoil gloves) and using Baleful Dirge to scare the bajeezus out of his enemies.

 

-When your Word Bearer decides alone to attack a PR 6 Tzeentch sorcerer because of a crack about Lorgar's "scrawlings".

 

-When your Night Lord forgets he ever in fact had a bolt pistol because things "turn squishy" under his lightning claw.

 

-When your Night Lord modifies his intimidate test by first selecting a random non-warband member, grabbing him by the skull, and crushing it in his fist without saying a word.

Edited by jjjetplane209

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- When you run a Night Lord who is specifically decked out for unarmed combat, because he considers himself to be a weapon.

 

- When, using a combination of smoke grenades, hit-and-run tactics and the Raptor talent, you beat four Word Bearers all fully-armed with standard Astartes weaponry.

 

- When you realise after this that you've made Chaos Batman.

 

- When your Xurunt Frost Father rides his winged Xurunsh into an army of hundreds of thousands of mutants to personally fight the one mutant who has a Bloodthirster's axe.

 

- When your Xurunt Frost Father survives the explosion of an Aether Ray, and wrestles the Screamer 300m down to the ground, and then cleaves it in twain with a single blow.

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- When you run a Night Lord who is specifically decked out for unarmed combat, because he considers himself to be a weapon.

 

- When, using a combination of smoke grenades, hit-and-run tactics and the Raptor talent, you beat four Word Bearers all fully-armed with standard Astartes weaponry.

 

- When you realise after this that you've made Chaos Batman.

 

 

Well to be fair Nighthaunter was sort of a combination of the worst elements of Batman and the Punisher.

 

I"d like to make a night lord version of Jason Voorhees.

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Yeah, this is true. Although I didn't set out to create Chaos Batman when I created Slathissin (the Night Lord, named after the Nostrama myth of hell), but after I'd finished spending the rest of his exp on Disturbing Voice I realised "Oh ****, I've made Chaos Batman."

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- When you rolled 98 for Inquiry and Scrutiny, while being on Furia, trying to find sunken spaceship with part of daemon's name within it and you still get coordinates.

 

- You instead find a ship controlled by Irradial Cogitator, which you somehow manage to beat on opposed Intelligence...

 

-...and thus getting almost brand new frigate, which has enough fuel to get into the orbit.

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- when chaos navigator kills his captain because he stolen his kill

- when you hunt inquisitors for fun

- when you order one of your batalions to attack allies and you order your other batalions to atack "traitors" to divert attention from your iniltration of the hq

- when Alpha marine kills storm troopers with bolt pistol... i mean throwning bolt pistol at them

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-When your god demands you working for as many sides as you can without anyone knowing of your relations with any other.

 

-When Lord of Lies Daemon Prince spends all of the time in the seat of (previously captured and sacrificed) Lord-General Ghanzorik, giving the Severan Dominate and Waagh Grimtoof a batlle unlike anything they've ever imagined.

 

-When that actually moves spinward front towards victory and inevitable discovery of existence of Achillus Crusade and Jericho Gate by the masses in Calixis (which Spinward front was supposed to obfuscate).

 

-Who needs black crusade when you have your very own disillusioned Imperial crusade fiercely loyal to you at your command?

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-When your god demands you working for as many sides as you can without anyone knowing of your relations with any other.

 

-When Lord of Lies Daemon Prince spends all of the time in the seat of (previously captured and sacrificed) Lord-General Ghanzorik, giving the Severan Dominate and Waagh Grimtoof a batlle unlike anything they've ever imagined.

 

-When that actually moves spinward front towards victory and inevitable discovery of existence of Achillus Crusade and Jericho Gate by the masses in Calixis (which Spinward front was supposed to obfuscate).

 

-Who needs black crusade when you have your very own disillusioned Imperial crusade fiercely loyal to you at your command?

Um ... Spinward Front is not used as a cover for the Achillus Crusade. It's too small. They're using the Margin Crusade as a cover for the Achillus Crusade. Sorry.

 

 

 

- When the rival you captured to use as a ritual sacrifice goes "just as planned" when you cut out his still-beating heart.

 

- When the only reason that you haven't killed the annoying bastard who's close to Daemonic Aposthesis is because you want him to succeed. So you can ****** away his victory by binding him into a weapon, which you will then gift to a mutual rival, and oh-so-casually mention just where you got the daemon for the weapon.

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- When the only reason that you haven't killed the annoying bastard who's close to Daemonic Aposthesis is because you want him to succeed. So you can ****** away his victory by binding him into a weapon, which you will then gift to a mutual rival, and oh-so-casually mention just where you got the daemon for the weapon.

 

That's devious! I love it! I'm going to have to steal that...

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- When the only reason that you haven't killed the annoying bastard who's close to Daemonic Aposthesis is because you want him to succeed. So you can ****** away his victory by binding him into a weapon, which you will then gift to a mutual rival, and oh-so-casually mention just where you got the daemon for the weapon.

 

That's devious! I love it! I'm going to have to steal that...

 

Yes, i now have a subplot for the npc advisor.  Thank you very much.

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When you explain what the chaos gods are all about to a bunch of new players with no 40k experience and all of them cringe when you explain what Slaanesh is all about. All exept one who smiles a bit too much.


When no one wants to get close to the medic, because he looks worse then you do.

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When your Plague Marines favorite hobby is reading bedtime stories to orphans

 

When those stories usually end on some variation of: "And then the giant plague rat ate the nasty doctor and everyone lived happily ever after with the ebola virus. The End!"

 

When the Khornite loves that story because ebola means BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

 

When the Slaaneshi purposely tries to crash the team frigate into the sun because it's the only stupid thing he HASN'T done in search of new sensations*

 

When the Tzeentchen is pissed of I left him out of this list, and jumps out of the computer to strangle me and is writing this as we speak.

 

 

 

 

 

 

*, new tricks in the candlelight, he's got a new addiction, for every day and night

Edited by InquistiorCalinx

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This is easy...

 

You know you're playing Black Crusade when:

 

-The players spend more time plotting against each other than actually playing the game.

 

-The only PCs that die are killed by other PCs

 

-The GM goes into the campaign knowing his plots will be derailed by scheming and infighting... but it ends up worse than she/he thought.

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When your Plague Marines favorite hobby is reading bedtime stories to orphans

 

When those stories usually end on some variation of: "And then the giant plague rat ate the nasty doctor and everyone lived happily ever after with the ebola virus. The End!"

 

"Remember little orphan, Grandpa Nurgle always loves you, especially when you're sick."

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If you read the old description of a Beast of Nurgle they are basically enormous toxic slimy monsters whith the minds of an overexicted puppy that just wants to play and can't understand why its playmates stop moving after a while.

 

Plague marine: *throws blight grenade* "Go fetch boy!"

Beast of Nurgle" play? play play play plaaaay!"

Ultramarine: "The fuuuu-no no stay back no shoo nooo ack let go of my leg noooooo!"

Beast of Nurgle: "Play?"

Ultramarine: *decomposes into puddle of slime*

Edited by Robin Graves

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-When you are playing as a hive gang psyker who's first adventure is to run away from the gang he set up, hitching a ride with a nearby pirate prince.

 

-When you try to use Compel to convince someone to start a fire, and your victim rolls a 100 and stake stockpiling frag grenades.

 

-When you meet another party member and he turns out to be an inside-out psyker heretic with a flaming skull for a head.

 

-When you Push all the way.

 

-When your character's defining trait becomes his hatred of all gods, because he keeps rolling critical fails.

 

-When you roll a 99 to pilot your grav chute out of low orbit, and burn Infamy to reroll, only to roll a 100.

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-Khornite Renegade instantly accepts to be a temporary host for a Demon, till the group find a new host

 

-...said Renegade later cuts off the Hosts arms, intimidate it, put a chain as a leash around it and keeps it as a pet 

 

-...kills the Host some weeks later in the last moment of being frenzy

 

-Same Renegade wants to try to operate a found CSM armor. High Tech Use difficulty

 

-...aces the test. Sadly the armor runs out of energy 

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-Khornite Renegade instantly accepts to be a temporary host for a Demon, till the group find a new host

 

-...said Renegade later cuts off the Hosts arms, intimidate it, put a chain as a leash around it and keeps it as a pet 

 

-...kills the Host some weeks later in the last moment of being frenzy

 

-Same Renegade wants to try to operate a found CSM armor. High Tech Use difficulty

 

-...aces the test. Sadly the armor runs out of energy 

  • When the tzeentchite psyker in the party readily accepts a deal with a suspected khorne-aligned daemonic entity to kill said daemonhost.
  • When said daemonhost turns out to be a tzeentchite daemon.
  • When aforementioned khornate renegade ends up murdering the tzeentchite daemonhost in front of the eyes of the psyker in a fit of frenzy during combat.
  • When the poor tzeentchite sorcerer tries to stab the corpse a few times with the very nice knife the khornate entity gave him in a vain attempt to fulfil the pact he made.

 

  • When the group hijacks a merchant ship that is supposed to be empty, under the guise of being agents of the Inquisition, Port Wander becomes a mess, and thousands of pirates that they have freed end up dying.
  • When the ex-Navy-Flight-Lieutenant now-Lord-Captain of the merchant ship discovers that the ship is filled to the brim with super-grade Promethium and exotic foodstuffs.
  • When the now-Lord-Captain finds a green pineapple in the holds, slaps an eye-patch on it and starts calling it Commander Shepard.
  • When said Commander Shepard becomes a Cursed Heirloom.

 

  • When, after finally arriving at the eponymous 13th Station of Passage, the group discovers a veritable cathedral dedicated to the countless powers of the warp and the Gods of Chaos, and every single member of the group ends up getting hated by one or more gods for their acts on hallowed ground.
Edited by Fgdsfg

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