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Green Knight

Dark Omega - A Warhammer 40,000 novel

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I'm happy to announce Dark Omega, my first novel in my Warhammer 40,000 trilogy (it's around 140k words/500 pages). The trilogy is influenced by way the Imperium and the Inquisition are portrayed in Dan Abnett’s Eisenhorn/Ravenor series and the Warhammer 40,000 Roleplay game lines (the bulk of the action actually takes place in and around the official Calixis sector setting). Although the trilogy focuses on Inquisition-affiliated characters, there are plenty of other elements from the 40k setting in there, ranging from Space Marines, via Rogue Trader and Guardsmen, to foul Chaos heretics.


 


Hope you enjoy it!


 


B.


 


DIRECT DOWNLOAD (.pdf format)


 


Development blog


 


Read it on Wattpad.com (handy for mobile devices)


 


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In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. Beset on all side by multitudes of malefic enemies, Mankind tethers on the brink of destruction. Only the guiding light of the immortal God-Emperor, and the selfless sacrifices made in his name, keeps the horrors of the final night at bay. You are Marcus Aurelian, prodigal Interrogator of the Holy Orders of the Inquisition. Your master wields the absolute and inviolable authority of an Inquisitor. You are his sworn servant and trusted confidante. Recruited for your skills as an investigator and prowess as a warrior, it is your fate to stand on the front lines of a great and secret war. It is a conflict that has raged unabated for more than ten thousand years, beginning when Warmaster Horus raised his banners in rebellion against his Father and Emperor. It is your solemn duty is to root out the foul stench of heresy, hunt down the vile alien, and expunge the twisted influence of Chaos. You will tread where others fear go: You will venture to distant worlds filled with xenos abominations, you will walk through ancient space hulks best left undisturbed, and you will savour both the cruel depths of the under-hive and the wicked world of the high-born in their spire-top mansions. You will face enemies that would steal the courage from lesser men, you will see things that will scar your mind and soul forever, and you will come to face you own dark desires. You will never know fame nor reward, yet if you stand resolute, you will die knowing that you did so serving a higher purpose, and that your name and deeds will be carried to Holy Terra in darkness and silence, there to be whispered to the God-Emperor himself, who will know and remember for all eternity...


Edited by Green Knight

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Glad to hear that!

 

I would of course suggest you read all the chapters ;) but a couple of chapters should give you an idea of how the rest is like - I'd suggest reading up to and including the first interlude, which is fifty or so pages.

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Ok, I've got to page page 57 and Chapter 5 so I'll make my present impression known. 

 

My first impression is that I can tell that its writen to be friendly with new-comers to the 40k universe with the elaborate explination and appedices present in the back of the novel. I think it was a good thing to make it more accessable and not limited to the already converted fans of the 40k universe.

 

But what I didn't like was the general choice of narrative for the story. This is my personal grip on it of course since I generally dislike first person. Having it be about a guy or girl listening to a recording was not something which made me feel invested in the story and I was rather feeling distanced from what was going on and that "well its already done so the amount of tension is limited". To this I, after five chapters and two interludes, don't know the name of the "you" that is refered to in the story. I know much about "you" but without a name its hard to connect with him or her. I would have prefered a more traditional narrative.

 

To this there was, in my mind, a significent ammount of info-dumps and much telling rather than showing which I personally didn't find fun to read. While I can understand he necessity of giving the reader this information I think it was to much at times.

 

On the plus side I can tell that the you who wrote this is very knowledgable about the 40k universe and the amount of detail made the world feel very alive for me so its far from an uninteresting text. Its clear that a lot of energy and passion has gone into the works and that is very good for what is to come. 

 

I haven't made up my mind if I should continue with the book and finish it but I can recommend others to give it a try.

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Ok, I've got to page page 57 and Chapter 5 so I'll make my present impression known. 

 

My first impression is that I can tell that its writen to be friendly with new-comers to the 40k universe with the elaborate explination and appedices present in the back of the novel. I think it was a good thing to make it more accessable and not limited to the already converted fans of the 40k universe.

 

But what I didn't like was the general choice of narrative for the story. This is my personal grip on it of course since I generally dislike first person. Having it be about a guy or girl listening to a recording was not something which made me feel invested in the story and I was rather feeling distanced from what was going on and that "well its already done so the amount of tension is limited". To this I, after five chapters and two interludes, don't know the name of the "you" that is refered to in the story. I know much about "you" but without a name its hard to connect with him or her. I would have prefered a more traditional narrative.

 

To this there was, in my mind, a significent ammount of info-dumps and much telling rather than showing which I personally didn't find fun to read. While I can understand he necessity of giving the reader this information I think it was to much at times.

 

On the plus side I can tell that the you who wrote this is very knowledgable about the 40k universe and the amount of detail made the world feel very alive for me so its far from an uninteresting text. Its clear that a lot of energy and passion has gone into the works and that is very good for what is to come. 

 

I haven't made up my mind if I should continue with the book and finish it but I can recommend others to give it a try.

 

Thank you for taking time to provide constructive criticism!

 

I would of course recommend that you keep reading :)

 

As the story progresses there is rather more 'showing' and less 'telling', so I think you'll find the later parts more to your liking. You'll also find that the past and the present a very closely connected, so what has gone before is by no means unimportant.

 

You're absolutely correct in your assumption - the book was indeed written to be accessible to people not all that deeply into 40k. As the first part of a trilogy, I felt obliged to use some space to introduce the setting to this kind of reader. Still, I agree that the beginning can feel a little slow, and I could perhaps have tightened it up some more.

 

The name of the antagonist is first mentioned in Chapter 4 (Marcus). I could have named him before, but elected to use it as a plot device to illustrate how the battle of wills between Marcus and the gatekeeper develops. Perhaps it should have come sooner. It was never intended to befuddle the reader.

 

The use of some 2nd person narrative comes down to personal preferences I suppose. I might have opted to do it differently were I to rewrite the entire story. As it stands I can only urge not to take the word 'you' too literally. 'You' in this context means 'from the viewpoint of Interrogator Marcus of the Inquisition'. To make it stand out starkly from the 1st person viewpoint of the gatekeeper. Anything with 'you' in it, is Marcus. Anything with 'I' in it, is Haxtes.

 

Writing it was heaps of fun. A lot of work too, but mostly just fun. So much so that there are more fan-fic novels coming :)

 

Anyway, thanks again fr the feedback - and the recommendation!

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Gurkhal, I wasn't a fan of the 1st person myself but i would recommend to continue reading. I found the 1st person narrative to be a very minor quip once you get past the first six chapters, and it all blurs into a rather well done story. 

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Thanks guys. I will think about reading a few more chapters and see if it picks up to a way that's favorable with my tastes. May or may not come back with some additional thoughts then.

 

I got a suggestion for you:

 

Skip ahead to Part III - THE KILLER.

 

Chapter 25 is from the 'you' viewpoint. It focuses on the Emperor's Tarot. Maybe you'll like it - if you're into the tarot.

 

If not I'd suggest starting with Chapter 26 and reading from there. This is from the 'I' viewpoint and a lot more oriented towards acting, rather than telling.

 

If this type of narrative is more to your liking you could go back and read from the start. If not you can walk away without wasting your time.

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I've decided to make some short story collections based upon the Dark Omega interludes. Essentially I'm recycling the interludes, but adding some new pieces to make a chronological collection that fits together.

The first chapters of the first collection is already out:

Battle Angels of the Imperium, Featuring Librarian Kaminsky and Sister Salt. For now the only really new part is Sister-Palatine, but more will be added.

Next will be the Chaos version, which focuses on the Preacher and his travails.

I also have one collection featuring Rogue Trader Corben and his ship, the Maiden of Golgenna, but it will be a while until it's ready for publishing.

For now the short story collections are only available on wattpad.com

Edited by Green Knight

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Long story made short:

I'm doing a revised edition of Dark Omega, using a more traditional storytelling technique (no 2nd person POV for example). I kind of liked how my experiemntal use of techniques turned out, but overall the feedback was negative.

 

The plot is largely the same, but there are numerous additions, alterations, etc. Overall a more gripping story, with several more interesting characters and secens added.

Currently this is WIP and only found here: http://www.wattpad.com/story/32263185-dark-omega-revised-ed

Could be I post it to https://www.fanfiction.net/ as well, time permitting.

Once I have the revised ed done it will go up on my blog as a pdf download, but that is some time into the future.

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Green Knight, this is so far one of the best pieces of fan fic I have read and is in my opinion far better than some of the 40k novels being published. you have a gift, please keep at it.

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Just wanted to stop by here and say I really love the book and actually made it into an adventure for a dark heresy campaign lol. I had the players basically experience the whole part of Haxtes as a boy. My players actually loved Haxtes and became very attached to him lol. Adapted the scenes to fit in the adventure and added a bit of stuff to extend it and add a bit more combat and scenes.

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