I have to admit that when they do something absolutely ridiculous I just love it *; each episode is an adventure in lateral thinking. Having Gm'd quite a bit, I follow the adage that no plan will survive contact with the enemy, even one as inept as my players (sorry Phil and co.). The best thing is to give them enough rope and they'll definitely hang themselves. And they do, every single time. Reg *(- Janey (Wes) has confided to me that the reason she stole the bodyguards trousers is that she wants to get her party an infamous name - 'the trouser bandits' is her preferred moniker)

Grim ... and Grimmer You wake feeling something cold pressed against your neck. A deep voice whispers “Try not too move too much, this is a very sharp knife.” Freeze and open your eyes slowly. A bearded face is staring down at you, pressing a blade against your jugular. There’s something vaguely familiar about the psychotic glare from under thunderous brows, the jaw clenched in constant anger, the barely controlled rage. As if reading your thoughts, the voice continues. “That was Grim, my brother. My dead brother” The face moves closer, almost touching you. “I’m Grimmer. Tell me how he died.” I have a nice, intellectually stimulating scenario waiting to be explored by my players. Obscure facts to be winnowed from fiction, alibi’s to be inspected and destroyed, support from the major citizens in the town to be gained, hunches to be followed, perhaps even a scene in a court room. My re-incarnated players appear on the scene, and, well, I’ll leave you to discover what happened. Suffice it to say they were still really pissed about the previous session, and have been ... planning. Petra is bedfast for a week, recovering from her wounds and a nasty infection (I just got Signs of Faith - love the diseases!). At one point Conrad the Roadwarden makes a very tense visit, explaining that his horse fell on the way to the town and he was knocked unconscious, lying in the woods for half a day before coming to. By the time he reached Lachenbad, Petra had staggered into the arms of a farmer and been carried into the Green Bottle Inn. He’d roused the rest of the wardens, and they’d scouted out to the Old Mine, but though there were lots of signs, the goblins were gone. Of course this was a lot of tosh, but Petra, realizing how precarious her position was (wounded, a stranger in town, possibly accusing a well-respected member of the community), decides to play along with Conrad. A fellowship test, and Conrad appears satisfied (a concealed test), leaving much relieved. Meanwhile the other two have made up two new characters in the downtime between games. Phil, who was the dwarven Troll Slayer, Grim, is now a mercenary soldier with links to the underworld. He gets an extra advance for a heroic death (house rule), and makes his fighter wealthy, spending his extra wealth on front and back plate armour - no more bare chests for him! Our Ratcatcher morphs into a scout, with good bow skills (at last, some rural expertise!). I asked them to give me some motivation for their new personas, and Phil, still smarting over his death, becomes Grim’s older brother, and the reason for him becoming a Troll Slayer (refused to take over the family holdings, so the younger brother became a Slayer; something to do about familial contracts - dwarf stuff, go figure). The intention is bloody revenge, of course, and the recovery of his brothers body, so Phil becomes Grim’s angry older brother ... Grimmer! Motivation for the scout, Wesley, is much less personal, he being an old friend of the dwarf, serving in the same mercenary company. After polite introductions have been made (see handout for Petra, above), the three heroes swear vengeance against Grim’s slayers. and the recovery of Grim’s body. Conrad Balck is their first target, and the three visit the bar downstairs, quickly discovering that Conrad is on a sweep, and will be returning from the area of the old mine tomorrow afternoon. They retire to their rooms, sleep the sleep of the, not exactly just, more the just pissed off, then get up before dawn and sneak out of the Inn. A quick jump from the wall once the guard has gone by (opposed test plus various bonus’s for it being dark) and they’re away, sneaking westwards through the half light. Grimmer and co. set up past the deserted Mill, hunkering down in the bushes, Wesley positioned near the road, the other two a little further back, and wait for the Roadwarden to appear. He duly does, riding up completely unsuspecting, and Wesley uses his longbow to shoot the horse from under him. Grimmer and Petra charge out, punching and kicking the dazed Conrad into submission, before dragging him from the roadway and gagging him. Wesley delays to removes his arrow from the horses neck (‘leave no evidence,’ he says), then joins the others. The terrified man is dragged some distance from the road, and dumped next to the mill stream before the gag is removed. Now, I expected some kind of menacing behaviour here, perhaps a beating, some vague torture, but Grimmer has Petra and Wes secure the roadwarden by binding his wrists to stakes, then he builds a fire on his chest. He sits whilst the man is half burnt, screaming in agony before dragging the fire off him and questioning him harshly (I am a little uncomfortable with this whole thing. Grimmer is, well, nasty. I rule the roadwarden has little chance of resisting questioning, but has taken so much damage he can only answer a limited number of questions before passing out - toughness test each round, adding an extra misfortune dice each time). The dwarf questions the man, gaining a confession of collusion with the goblins (‘not admissible in court’ quips Wes), and claiming Josef Karlsberg had asked him to arrange the stage attack (some surprise here from the PC’s) as well as the news that Josef’s wife was having an affair - the reason for the attack. Conrad then passes out from the pain, and Grimmer cuts his throat before kicking the body into the river. (Oh My God! Savage but humorous Grim has morphed into a cold blooded psychotic killer. I think I’m going to have to change the party card from ‘Defiant Scoundrels’ to ‘Rampaging Face-Eating Lunatics’. I have a horrible suspicion that they are planning to simply murder whoever they suspect was the cause of Grim’s death. There goes two weeks worth of scenario planning). Back to town, and the three loiter just out of view near the gates, before slipping in with a farmer and his boy, assisting with a small flock of sheep. Heads down, they aim to be inconspicuous(!), and make their way back to the Inn for lunch. (Concealed stealth checks each - Grimmer, being a dwarf and heavily armoured is noticed, of course. Nice to realize the party still retains a modicum of incompetence). Fresh from murder and torture, the three not-so-heroic characters settle down to discuss their next step. Grimmer is all for finding Josef’s house, slaughtering all the inhabitants and torching the place. Wes seems to think thats ok too, but Petra points out that just because Josef ordered the attack on the stagecoach, doesn’t mean that he caused Grim’s later death. It would have been nice to talk to the roadwarden a bit more, she says with a glare at Grimmer.She’s also of the opinion that there’s more to this whole thing than meets the eye. The others are unconvinced until Petra points out that as Josef is up to no good, if they find evidence, they could blackmail him for lots of money. “And then we can slaughter everyone and torch the place!” says Grimmer. Ho hum. So the three separate, searching for evidence of malfeasance, arranging to meet later at the merchants house to try and extort some money. Petra goes back to the high class eatery, the Golden Scales, and meets Jan Vermeer, the merchant factotum for Altmark Traders again. He is properly sympathetic, and lets slip that Josef Karlsberg seems to be doing quite well, despite his losses. He also tries to implicate his friend, Totlev Gutz in nebulous illegal activities. Business rivals, concludes Petra. Grimmer visits the Bad Boy Bridge, a hangout for crims he’s heard about at the edge of town. After some not-so-subtle threats and a bit of posturing with the local rich bad-boys (he chops someones finger off!) everyone’s psychopath alarms go off, and they deny all knowledge of anything to do with Josef Karlsberg, and remember dinner dates elsewhere. Interestingly, he also gets to meet a much less impressed, leather-clad shady type (‘call me Petal’) whom the locals treat with even more respect/fear than Grimmer. After a bit of alpha dog type posturing, they get on like a house on fire, and Petal confirms that Josef is not known to the wider ‘alternative trading community’, but if he might wish to become so, something could be arranged. Wes, in keeping with his rural background, strolls into the local watch/roadwarden house. He quickly picks up that the roadwardens and the local watchmen don’t get on, and in fact despise each other. He strikes up a conversation with one of the off-duty wardens, and gets confirmation that the goblins are no longer at the old mine. When he asks about Conrad, the wardens get tight-lipped, and make excuses to leave. As they exit, one of the watchmen, listening in, mutters something about Balck being a traitor, and almost causes a fight. Wesley slips out in the confusion. The three rendezvous outside Josef Karlsberg’s house, where Petra knocks and asks for Josef. She and her friends are taken to Josef’s study, accompanied by a burly footman/guard. Josef is properly solicitous of her health; he even offers her five shillings and his deepest condolences with regards to her companions (I force Grimmer to make a will power check to prevent him striking the merchant). When Petra suggests that he may wish to give her a little more than that, say twenty crowns, on account of his darling wife’s, um, habits (‘she’s been on the stage, hasn’t she?’), he falls silent. After a little bluster, he explains that he is almost bankrupt, but asks them to return in the morning, when something can be arranged. Feeling a little smug, the three return to the Green Bottle to listen to gossip and plan over a beer or four. The goblins are still the main topic for conversation, though Josef Karlsberg’s wife, Frieda is also on everyone’s lips. It seems that, as well as throwing herself on top of Benny Bengston’s coffin at the funeral last week (whilst Petra was still in bed, recovering), she has taken to leaving flowers and poems that are well ... rude, on his grave. There is a lot of nose tapping about this. Also Conrad Balck is missing, though some think he may have run off, after the happenings at the mine (a nod towards Petra here), not that he’ll be missed. Petra finally talks to the barman, Fat Olaf, about Josef, and piling on the charm (and money and fate points) uncovers a goldmine of information. Benny’s affair with Josef’s wife is confirmed, as well as the weapons shipments. What’s more, Olaf claims that the weapons were going to a holding warehouse in Ubersreik, but with no named customer, nudge, nudge. (Seeing their blank faces, Olaf explains that this is often the way that less respectable customers who wish to maintain their anonymity buy goods). There’s a pause as the three translate what’s been said. “But Josef has no links with the underworld!” claims Grimmer. “Then who,” muses Olaf, “were they meant for?” There is a little pause before the penny finally drops. Not only did Josef arrange for the stagecoach to be attacked, he’d been selling out his own wagons (duh!). What’s more, they’d just told him that they were on to him! Wasting no time, the three almost-heroes dash out of the Inn, sprinting towards the Karlsberg house. All is in darkness. “Feck it!” shouts Grimmer, and smashes in a window with his sword before throwing himself through it. The other two follow quickly. Coming across a maid, he grabs her and threatens her with his sword. “Where’s the master bedroom!” he screams, and dragging her up the stairs to the room she’s pointed out, kicks the door in and flings her in (‘Possible ambushes’ is Phil’s cold-blooded explanation. Who is this man I’m playing with?). More, even louder screams, and the maid emerges with her hands covered in blood. A quick glance, and they see Frieda Karlsberg lying on the bed with her throat cut. “Guess who’s going to get the blame for this?” mutters Petra, thinking how much easier life was when all she had to do was cheat people at cards and run away. Wesley, quicker on the uptake than the rest, grabs a second screaming maid, and demands to know the masters whereabouts. “The warehouse. He said to leave the mistress to sleep, but he had to take a coach to Ubersreik urgently!” Another hasty exit, this time dodging a patrol of the watch, and the heroes dash across town to the Karlsberg shipping warehouse, only getting lost once. There they find the doors of the stable wide open, and, investigating with drawn swords, find no-one inside, except a ransacked safe box, several horses and a half eaten meat pie. Grimmer stuffs what’s left of the pie in his mouth, then tells the others to grab a horse each. Er, only problem is that he’s the only one with the ride skill, in fact he’s the only one who’s been within spitting distance of a horse in his life, other than in dodgy meat pies. Cursing, he saddles three horses and assists Petra and Wesley into the saddle, whereupon Petra promptly falls off. (I call for a standard test the first time Wes and Petra get on a horse, then no tests for a gentle walk). The rapid chase scene is turning into a debacle. More cursing, and Grim manages to get his incompetent fellows heading towards the Bad Boy gate - how they miss being noticed by the watch is a miracle (they pass a hard test to sneak through the streets. Also the watchmen are stunningly inept). Not that inept, though. When they reach the gates they are barred, and two watchmen stand guard, armed with halberds. “No-one h’is h’allowed to pass without h’orders from a higher h’authority!” declares the corporal on guard, rather pompously. A brief stand-off while Grimmer fingers his sword, and Wes surreptitiously frees his bow, when suddenly Petra pulls a letter from her pocket and waves it under the watchman’s nose. “Do you recognize this seal?” she asks in a bored voice. (It’s the coded Imperial message from the first episode. Love it!). The man looks hard. “H’er, h’its h’Imperial, ma’am.” Petra sneers. “Look closer. What sort of Imperial seal?” The man peers closer and gulps. “H’it looks to be his majesties personal seal, h’my lady.” “It is in fact an Imperial carte blanche.” She opens the letter and waves it under the watchman’s nose, praying he can’t read (he can’t). “In it, his Imperial Majesty demands that all assistance from all servants of the crown be offered to the bearer.” (A standard test using fellowship, but modified by the guards stupidity, the seal and Petra’s bare-faced cheek. Easy success). The man salutes and stands at attention. “H’and what can h’I do for his h’Imperial Majesty?” Grimmer leans over and, spraying spittle, screams into the man’s face “Open the bloody gate!” The three trot out of the gate (a standard test for Wes and Petra), and the gambler only just stays in the saddle (using her professional gambler re-roll skill - urgent note from Petra; learn riding soonest). They then head over the Bad Boy Bridge towards Ubersreik, in hot (-ish) pursuit of the stage. After an hours gentle trotting under a bright moon, the stagecoach comes into view. Unwilling to push the horses (or take more ride tests!), the three grim cabelleros continue on at their unhurried pace, slowly closing on the fleeing stage. Suddenly there is a shout, and the stage speeds up - they have been sighted! Nothing for it now but to gallop (initially a hard test, then a standard test for Wes and Petra), and, after a few wobbles, all three start to close the gap rapidly. Remarkably, the two riding novices stay on their mounts (three successive standard ride tests), and are soon level with the coach. Grimmer throws himself at the back of the coach (visions of his brother similar leap in everyones minds eye) and ... succeeds! The dwarf pulls himself up onto the roof of the stage and, after threats and some yelling, persuades the the coach driver to stop. Wesley and Petra draw their weapons and Grimmer waits on the roof of the carriage, ready to throw himself on whoever exits the coach. A cloaked male figure emerges, clutching a small case in his arms. Petra orders him to remove his hood, and sees ... Josef’s bodyguard. “Where is he!” screams Grimmer, and throws himself into the stage. There is the sound of incoherent yelling and the smashing of fixtures. There is no-one in the cabin, and Grimmer is a little angry. The bodyguard pales and speaks quickly. “If you mean the master, he’s heading for Nuln on a horse. He sent me to take these valuable documents on to Ubersreik for him.” He thrusts the box at Wesley. “He said he’d meet me there!” Wes opens the box, but, containing no valuables and unable to read, he passes the contents to Petra. She reads quickly; a few shipping dockets, an order for a new wheel and several sheets of blank paper. “I think we (she glares at Grimmer again) have been set up. Again.” Wes grabs the blank pages. “Invisible ink? Magical scripts? We need to get them tested.” He stuffs them into his pocket. (No Wes, just blank paper). Petra disarms the bodyguard, then orders him and the driver to sit on the floor with their hands on their heads. She gestures the others over. “You do realize that we’ve just robbed a stagecoach? And we may well be accused of the murder of Frau Karlsberg? All hanging offenses.” “And you claimed to be an Imperial Agent. That’s treason. Drawing and quartering, as well as hanging,” adds Wesley, helpfully. “Let’s just kill ‘em!” suggests Grimmer “and they’ll blame the goblins.” Wesley is undecided, but Petra, realizing they are on a downward spiral of violence as the solution to everything, demurs. There is a heated argument, during which the bodyguard reaches for his dropped sword, but is dissuaded by Wesley’s drawn bow. Eventually they decide to steal everything worth having, on the grounds that they are going to be accused of robbery anyway, and then head off. There follows another brief argument, while they debate their destination; Petra’s vote is for ‘far, far way’, whilst Grimmer’s is for the old mine, to search for his brothers body. Wesley, as usual is no too bothered, though somewhere with ale is preferred. Grimmer, fingering his axe, reminds Petra of the oath she swore to recover Grim’s body - an oath to a dwarf is no small thing he points out. “But I didn’t say when I’d look for the body,” remarks the gambler. Wesley agrees (again), nodding repeatedly. Eventually Grimmer compromises. The authorities will be looking for them he agrees, so spend the next three days looking for his brother’s body, then he would consider Petra’s oath discharged. They shake upon the deal, then steal all the fittings from the wagons and load them on the stage’s horses; Wesley insists upon taking the prisoners boots and trousers (just because, he says - there is something definitely odd about this scout), and the three strike off westwards towards the hills and the old mine. Aftermath Well, again that was interesting. It seems the three players had been chatting before the game, and decided to prosecute their vendetta against the killers of Grim and Detlev with extreme prejudice. It was actually a bit difficult to GM when the players were so certain of what they wanted to do - luckily it all fell apart later and they returned to their normal bumbling ineptitude! Highlights were falling off horses and their faces when they realized that Josef was not on the coach - how I laughed. So, to recap, the players are (or soon will be) outlaws. They have possession of a secret message from the Emperor, whose agents may well be on the way to recover it. They are on their way to a mine that may well be infested with a tribe of goblins to recover a dead body. Lastly (I’ll spring this on them next game) they have no food. Ah, such a grim and perilous world, you’ve got to laugh.

lol. Sounds good (and attractive in that put-off-till-tomorrow kind of way that I approve of). Best of all it accepts attachments. Done, and thank you.

Yay, success! The first card is meant to be placed on the party card and supercedes all the party traits temporarily. The two drunken bums talents fit in the focus/tactics/reputation talent slots

I've completed some cards and am halfway through writing up a scenario (cheap tickets - see below), but have no idea how to publish them here ( or elsewhere. Can anyone give me any advice? Thanks,

Cheap tickets part three - A good day to die Cast Detlev Kanst - Ratcatcher (and Fred-the-dog) Grim Grimnirsson - Dwarf Troll Slayer Petra Nunce - Gambler The session starts with Conrad meeting the three heroes over breakfast in the Green Bottle Inn. Something has been spotted lurking around the Old Mill, an hour or so to the west of the town, and as its in his patrol area, the Roadwarden is going to investigate. The three heroes finish their meal, and accompany Conrad out of the Inn. An hour on a horse, but more like two on foot. Grim, Detlev and Petra trudge after the warden on his mount, saying little, whilst Fred-the-dog scampers about sniffing and peeing in delight. No-one in the party has any outdoor skills, so rely on Conrad to guide them (the fools!), and after a good walk, the warden halts them in some bushes a few hundred yards from the Mill. “I’m going to ride on past, like I’m going somewhere. That should keep whatever is in there in place and focused on me. Give me five minutes, then you try and sneak up.” The adventurers nod, and watch as the Roadwarden rides slowly past the Mill and out of sight. They wait a while, then begin to move out as stealthily as they can (I make them all take opposed checks, even though the goblin is not watching). Grim and Detlev both fail their tests, Detlev with a bane (he falls down a hole!) and I crank the party tension up a couple of notches. They continue to creep closer, waiting for an arrow to spit one of them, when they hear the sound of clashing blades. “Buggerit!” shouts Grim and charges towards the sound of fighting, with the other two trailing behind. They burst through some bushes and see Conrad in combat with a goblin. The greenskin, wounded, looks up and shouts a hoarse profanity. The effect on Grim is spectacular to say the least (I push him two steps into the reckless stance immediately), his eyes bug, he froths and screams a war cry before charging the goblin, striking wildly and killing his enemy almost at once before pounding the corpse into the ground. The other two are in awe of the dwarf, as well as being a little frightened. Petra eventually gathers the courage to ask her companion just what he’d been called, and Grim, through gritted teeth, haltingly tells her, “he called me ... one who ... one who ... reneges on a negotiated contract!” (The goblin in fact shouted a goblin curse, based on the Khazad word, oathbreaker - yet another example of goblins light-fingered tendencies. This word is a terrible insult to a dwarf, and even more so to a Troll Slayer, who may well be ... one who has reneged on a negotiated contract. The Goblin was actually cursing Conrad). After fetching his horse, Conrad suggests they remove the goblins head - Josef Karlsberg, the merchant, will want it if they want paying. An argument breaks out over who should carry it, and in the end Grim gets the unpleasant task (on the grounds that, he split it open and made it leak stuff everywhere, so he should carry it). They also find a wolf tied up in the Mill, obviously the goblins mount, which they leave. After checking the goblins pockets (10 coppers and a bit of lint), the four are left in a quandry about how to find the rest of the goblins. “We could let the wolf go and follow it,” suggests Detlev. He is roundly shouted down, as a) how would they keep up with it? b) it might attack them and c) it would warn the rest of the goblins that something was amiss. Conrad suggests that he might be willing to try to track them for a full share of the reward - after all, he says, I could just go and fetch the rest of my troop now and no-one would be payed. The companions agree hastily and they set off on the goblins back track - Conrad appears to be an excellent tracker (he knows where he’s going!), but after a while, even the three companions start to notice signs of the band - a pile of droppings here, discarded food (no-one wonders why the tracks have never been picked up before by a halfway competent troop of Roadwardens). Another few hours travel through lightly wooded terrain, then Conrad stops. “They’re going to the old Mine,” he says, pointing ahead. “We can trap them there!” He gestures to a low, tree covered hill a few miles ahead. “The mine is just beyond that hill. If you continue on to it, then climb the hill silently (he looks hard at Grim here), you’ll come out on a low slope overlooking the mine workings. Position yourselves to watch them and wait for me to return with help.” He turns his horse and starts back towards town, shouting a last comment “We’ve got them! Don’t let them get away!” before galloping off. Now what to do. The three adventurers look at one another, then decide that they might as well do what Conrad suggested. After all, two hours back to town, an hour or so to gather the troops and then a couple of hours back here - Conrad should be back with help before dusk, and they could wrap up the whole thing today! Back to the Green Bottle, for a feed, a drink and the reward by nightfall. (This was pretty much what passed for a planning session amongst the players. You’ve got to laugh). The three push on, more alert than before, and starting to feel a bit less secure. They make there way up the hill, looking out for guards, and making stealth tests (again not necessary, but it adds to the tension!). As they carefully peer down at the mine, they can see a rough enclosure containing a pack of wolves, and a goblin watchman just inside the entrance to the mine workings, looking bored and half asleep. Petra counts the wolves carefully. “There’s only seven of them. We must have killed quite a few at the ambush!” (Er, no, none actually, though a number were injured when they were knocked off their mounts. The Roadwardens would have confirmed it if anyone had thought to ask, there were no goblin bodies left on the road. A number of wolves ran away, though). Detlev gets out his sling, carefully unwinding the straps and checking his lead stones; Fred licks his hand then sneaks off to pee in excitement. Petra checks over her pistol and powder, before drawing her dueling sword and checking it’s edge. Grim, ignoring the two humans, draws his two axes and whispers to them in a loving voice, caressing the blades, whilst making shallow cuts in his forearms. “Put it away, Grim,” mutters Detlev in a horrified voice. “We’re not going to fight them alone. Conrad can’t be too far away, and when he arrives, we’ll make short work of the goblins.” Petra agrees, and Grim settles to watch the mine, muttering that he could probably take seven by himself. As dusk approaches, the three companions become more and more concerned about Conrad’s non appearance. Something must have gone wrong, they conclude, perhaps his horse fell or went lame; perhaps a wild animal got him; ‘perhaps he’s just chicken’ adds Grim. The party finally realize that they are on there own; there is a hurried consultation, and they decide to deal with the goblins themselves. The plan Grim hatches is simple. Kill the guard, drive off the wolves then storm the mine and kill everyone inside. When Detlev objects, Grim points out that he’ll be doing most of the fighting, so suck it up. He agrees with poor grace. (To be honest, the players actually worked out some good tactics - knowing the wolves may well be their worst enemies, Petra’s spare powder horn is strapped onto a flask of brandy as a makeshift firebomb to drive them off. Detlev will smash the fence, Petra will bomb the wolves and Grim will take down the goblin on watch, before taking position at the narrow mouth of the mine, and wait for the other two to join him. Hopefully they’ll be able to kill most of the goblins at the entrance - no one really fancies hunting the greenskins in the dark of the mine). The battle Background - there is actually a whole tribe of goblins here, waiting to gather enough arms from Josef’s wagons before attacking the town. They have entered the old mine from deeper tunnels, unknown to the original miners, and have set up camp deeper in the complex; they have only got a few wolves, hence the relatively low number of attackers at the stagecoach ambush. Most of the goblins are standard, mixed hand weapons and short-bows with a few bucklers, but there is a core group of about twenty equipped from Josef’s stock with chain mail, spears and shields. I set up a tracker with five spaces on it, figuring that the entrance guards would rush out, but would run after a few losses. The leader of the goblins is not stupid, and would prefer to kill his enemies from a distance, so will gather his archers in the main area of the mine before moving off to deal with any troublesome enemies. Oh, I also got so racked off with the henchmen rules that I made all the goblins NPC’s. Ouch! The plan goes really well initially - Detlev even thinks to approach the wolves from upwind, and the three companions, sneaking through the low bushes, get quite close before the wolves become restless. Bursting from cover, Grim screams a khazalid warcry, and charges the guard, killing him instantly (double strike plus extra dice for surprise and fighting goblins = 11 wounds, also one fatigue to Grim.) Detlev rushes over to the wolf enclosure and, using his sword, slices through the rope holding the gate closed. He backs away as the wolves start to leave their den, growling and trying to outflank him. Petra lights the bomb and moves up next to him, throwing the explosives directly at the leading wolf. It explodes and splashes onto two other wolves, who run howling in fear. The leader of the pack, however, whilst shaken, is not ready to run yet. It attacks Detlev, wounding him, but Fred prevents the wolf from going for his masters throat (4 wounds + a critical, converted to 5 wounds using ‘mans best friend’). Grim, not willing to leave the narrow entrance to the mine (only 4 normal sized creatures per engagement), howls a warcry and waits for the rest of the goblins to show up (guarded position). Two goblins come charging up the tunnel and attack Grim, one scoring a minor cut on the dwarf’s arm (1 wound). Meanwhile Detlev attacks the wolf leader using his nimble strike action, scoring a solid hit to the creatures front leg (3 wounds + critical). Petra, steadying her pistol, then places a bullet through the creatures chest, flinging it back with the impact (another 7 wounds + critical). This is too much for the wolf, and he flees, taking the rest of the pack with him. Grim lashes out with his Troll-Feller Strike, slaying one of his opponents instantly, (11 wounds + critical, but a second fatigue point). The second goblin attempts to hit Grim but fails, injuring itself in the process (no successes, one chaos star). Detlev, charging up from the wolf enclosure (+1 fatigue), moves next to Grim and sets Fred on the second goblin. He darts under the goblins sword and savages it’s leg (3 wounds). Petra, loading her pistol as she approaches the mine entrance, fires her pistol over the shoulder of her companions and strikes the wounded goblin above his left eye, killing him (success, but +2 fatigue). Again the players are unwilling to leave the entrance to the mine, and both Detlev and Grim ready themselves (guarded position for Grim, assess the situation for Detlev and Petra), whilst Petra reloads her pistol. With a shout, another group of goblins advance up the tunnel, more slowly this time, sheltering behind shields. Detlev steps back and pulls out his sling, but misses with his shot. Petra, showing her skills, puts a lead ball through the leading goblins shield and into the greenskin belly, leaving him gut-shot on the floor (6 successes! 1 critical plus 2 extra wounds. He’s gone). The two remaining goblins charge, and engage Grim, attempting to swarm him, but only succeed in inflicting another minor cut (1 wound). (Phil, who’s playing Grim, is beside himself now. He’s shaking four reckless dice, and seems to be killing anything that moves. He is unbeatable!). He lets loose a mighty blow with his fist that stuns his opponent (seven successes plus a boon! nine wounds plus a critical!), and Petra slips stealthily behind the tottering greenskin to plant her blade firmly between his shoulder blades. The other goblin, terrified of this maniacal dwarf, turns and runs, but is brought down by Fred nipping at his heels (I allow Detlev to ‘attempt a stunt’ as a reaction, and he succeeds in tripping the fleeing goblin). And now it all starts to go wrong. Grim starts down the corridor at a trot, bellowing a warsong and Detlev and Petra look at each other, then begin to follow, when Fred starts to bark. The dwarf, cursing the dog, suddenly stops (I allow Grim an easy observation test to notice the goblins gathering in the main body of the cave due to his night vision. At least fifty goblins!). “Back!” he cries, and a volley of arrows fly at them. Most miss, but Grim takes two arrows, (4 wounds), whilst Detlev and Petra take a hit each (6 wounds for Petra, but, more worryingly, 5 wounds plus another critical for Detlev - converted into 6 wounds using man’s best friend again). Fred the dog takes an arrow trying to protect his master, and his nerve finally breaks. He runs off up the tunnel whimpering, and the three heroes follow, all the while expecting an arrow in the back. The three shelter behind the corner at the entrance to the mine, as more arrows whip past. (I suspect that they are finally realizing that they are in DEEP trouble, with no deux ex machina escapes on the cards. We halt the game briefly as the players try and decide what to do). There is a roar, and the sound of many goblins charging up the tunnel. Trapped! (And then it happens. One of the reasons I like this game so much, people get so involved). “Run!” shouts Grim, “I’ll hold them back!” Detlev and Petra look at each other in amazement. “Escape!” He shouts, and catching the others eye, he smiles. “Today is a good day to die.” Detlev and Petra take off, running hard (We’re totting up fatigue points here), and Grim, waiting until the running greenskins are almost at the entrance, charges into the mass, slashing out with his double strike. (Extra dice for surprise, fate points and well, just because he’s being so heroic - he is going to die, after all). Four successes and a comet, and another one bites the dust, skull split, brains leaking out. The goblins quickly surround Grim at the entrance, and attempt to swarm him. (Three opponents, two extra expertise die). They claw at him, wounding him with many small cuts (2 more wounds), pressing him back against the wall of the tunnel. The first of the well armed goblins appears, and Grim, sensing a challenge, unleashes his troll feller strike, severely wounding him, but the chain mail prevents death. All three goblins attack, and using as many A/C/E die as possible, score two more wounds on the dwarf. More well armed goblins appear, pushing their lightly armed kin aside, and again Grim attacks, slaying his wounded foe, but another greenskin steps into his place. The goblins attempt to crush Grim against the wall, and one of the spears slip through Grim’s guard, spitting his shoulder (4 wounds plus a critical - dislocated shoulder). The dwarf is now at the limit of his wounds, (all strikes are now criticals), and he begins to sing his death song. There is a lull in the fighting, and the leader of the goblins appears, looking over the shoulder of his spearmen. He spits on the floor, “Oathbreaker,” he snarls. “Kill him” Grim, realizing his end is here, slings one of his axes at the warlords head and charges him. The axe actually strikes! and the chieftain is flung back, wounded. Grim, charging into the wider tunnel, is spitted on the goblins spears, and, hanging from the spears, is stabbed from behind. The end is quick. (This whole final stand was run with Grim alone - I was concerned that the others would become bored, but they turned into a support chorus for the dwarf strengthened when I told them the longer Grim held off the goblins, the better their chances of survival). The chase I’d sketched out a few rules in my head for a chase/hunt; moving the players every turn, but forcing the pursuers to test their tracking skill every turn - an easy test, with failure meaning they lose the trail and are removed, degrees of success moving them closer to the players. Once they occupy the same square there is a fight. Each turn the players would pick a location card, and I’d allow the players to do one thing a turn related to the card to try and throw off pursuit etc - adding dice to the tracking tests depending on how imaginative the idea. Initially I was going to allow the characters a small head-start - three paces or so, saying this was how long it took to organize the pursuit. Grim’s sacrifice made it all much more realistic. There are five groups of five goblins tracking, armed with hand weapons and short bows (the well armed goblins won’t take part). All groups have a trained tracker with them. There is a progress marker ten steps long). The goblins pour out of the tunnels, kicking and slashing Grim’s corpse as they pass. The chieftain, shouting orders, quickly marshals his forces and sets them off after the heroes, the mass of goblins shouting and bellowing with blood lust. Start - step five on the tracker The two survivors start five steps ahead of the trackers - four steps due to Grim’s heroic death, and an extra step from their running (both are at the limits of their fatigue). Petra and Detlev, realizing that they are being tracked, decide to split up, (I never even thought of that), and their pursuers divide, three groups after Detlev and two after Petra. Step six Both groups chasing Petra succeed easily (one extra step each), whilst one of Det’s followers gets an extra space. I let it slip that their wounds may well be helping their enemies, so both players attempt a first aid test. Failure! Petra forces a re-roll with her gamblers class talent and, bumping it up with fate points, succeeds. Step seven Next tracking step, all of Detlev’s pursuers succeed, the closest getting two extra advances (this group seems to have a master tracker with them) - only two spaces behind. Both of Petra’s pursuing groups pass, one getting an extra step. Three spaces clear. Step eight To throw off the pursuers, Petra flings her blood stained jacket into the bushes, and Detlev follows suit (telepathy? They are several miles apart). One of Petra’s following groups fails their test, as does one of Detlev’s, though all the others gain an extra space (one step behind Detlev, two behind Petra) Step nine Petra decides to walk on stony ground, whilst Detlev wades into a shallow stream that crosses his path. All the remaining groups of goblins use their expertise to try and bump up their scores, and ... all succeed comfortably. The Ratcatcher has been caught. Detlev dies hard. The goblins come across him whilst he is wading in the stream, and pepper him with arrows, pushing him to his wound ceiling and inflicting a critical. At the limits of his endurance, he drags himself up the stream bank and attempts to use his sling, but misses wildly. Three arrows strike him in the chest and he falls back into the stream, bleeding out into the cold water. Exit the small man from Nuln, not with a bang but a whimper. Step ten Whilst stopping briefly, Petra pours gunpowder from her horn onto a pile of leaves and lights it, in an attempt to throw the goblins off the track, attract a rescue or even cause a forest fire. Thick smoke billows out, confusing the tracking greenskins, and ... succeeds! Well, that’s it. No time to finish properly as we’ve run waaaay over time, so I rule that Petra staggers on towards the town, and, at the limits of her endurance, is discovered by a farmer with his cart and is taken back to the Inn. Aftermath. Well, that was grueling. Phil, (Grim’s alter ego) was really quite upset by the dwarf’s big death scene; I was too, the slayer character he played was a lot of fun, and he and the ratcatcher had a fabulous hate/hate relationship. I did wonder wether I’d made the tracking rule a bit too easy for the goblins; I’d envisioned the players perhaps turning on the goblins and ambushing small groups one at a time. Ah well

I've done some cards for the 'Drunken Bums' temporary party trait using eon, but have no idea how to publish them. Help gratefully received.

Part 2 missing links Cast Detlev Kanst - Ratcatcher (and Fred-the-dog) Grim Grimnirsson - Dwarf Troll Slayer Petra Nunce - Gambler The session starts with all three heroes in the Green Bottle Inn. Well, in the stables actually, as they have no money. Conrad Balck, one of the Roadwardens, kindly arranged for them to be fed and housed by the Innkeeper - no expense spared, eh? The three start the morning arguing about what they remembered about their drunken night (the clues from the previous session - see below). Sammy the guard didn’t buy a drink all night, the cheapskate! the wine tasted funny Benny disappeared with a tall blonde woman halfway through the night didn’t the guard say we could ride for free? how come the dog didn’t bark when we were robbed?. Benny bought lots of the drinks last night After much discussion they decide that it was a bit unusual that Benny bought lots of drinks (maybe he’s generous?), and that perhaps the funny taste was a drug (duh); Grim claims no man-sop piss-ale could put him under the table. Petra points out it was unlikely that they’d all three climbed onto the stage to sleep, so someone, or somebodies, must have hoisted them up. They decide that they must speak to Sammy as soon as possible. Finally, Grim wonders why the dog didn’t bark when they were robbed; perhaps it knew the thief - a bit of shouting here, before Detlev points out that Fred also drinks beer - “I knew it!” cries the dwarf, “a bloody lush dog,” then mutters something about rabies. (Note, no-one mentions the woman Benny disappeared with, quite an important adventure link. Ah well). Petra, having failed her ‘I need a drink’ test the previous session, is still suffering from the effects of the Drunken Bums overlay, and gains a stress counter from the shouting. She leaves the two men arguing, and goes to find Sammy in the Inn - she uses all her charms on Maria, the Shallyan sister, to wangle fifteen minutes with the guard, on the proviso she is very quiet (“Yes please!”). She sits peacefully with Sammy, gently questioning him about the previous night, and discovers that he had helped Benny load them onto the stagecoach. He seems a bit guilty about something, giving a sob story about saving for a wedding, and what will he do now he can’t work. Petra guesses he was the one who robbed them; when pressed, he ‘remembers’ that the driver had offered a free ride and gives Petra a refund of three silvers from his pouch. Being a bit of a softy, Petra decides not to tell the rest of the group about the theft; also she’d only had five pennies left in her pouch. (One stress counter removed for the quiet time). The other two party members, in high dudgeon, split up. Grim goes to the blacksmiths, looking for the Roadwardens, whilst Detlev wanders into a few shops, just soaking up the atmosphere. Everyone seems happy to see him, a hero of the stagecoach ambush, and he gets a free pastie, as well as being pointed towards Josef Karlberg, a merchant who is looking for adventurers to deal with the goblin crisis. Grim, standing around in the blacksmiths, is far too bad tempered to be offered anything to eat, (gains a stress point due to hunger), but does meet with Conrad, the Roadwarden, who tells him about the goblin raids, and how they seem to have hit one merchant, Josef Karlberg, particularly hard. After mooching around the smithy complaining about poor craftsmanship, (extra fate point for roleplaying) he wanders back to the Green Bottle Inn. There he finds Petra tucking into a huge breakfast - “Dig in, it’s on me”, she says, to avoid embarrassing questions and Grim tucks in. They are soon joined by Detlev and, whilst eating, they discuss their findings, and decide to meet with Josef the merchant (stress counter gone from Grim, fate point added for Petra’s quick thinking). Before they’ve finished, the merchant comes in, looking for them. He greets them effusively, and, pleasantries over, tells them of his troubles. His wagons are being robbed, his employees are being killed and he’s in danger of becoming bankrupt. He wants the goblins dealt with decisively and painfully and he’s prepared to pay them handsomely (“How handsomely?” asks Grim rather rudely, adding one misfortune dice to the haggling). Petra sends Grim off to get drinks, and dickers with the merchant, eventually being promised a whole gold crown, with an advance of five shillings providing she brings him the heads of the goblin leaders. They have killed his employees, he says, and wants revenge. Bloody revenge. At this point the players could do a number of things. Firstly they could go out and try to hunt down the goblins alone - three of them with no mounts against a band of goblins armed with bows and riding wolves. Hopefully not. Secondly they could try and get some assistance to help hunt down and kill the bandits - not a bad idea, and the Roadwardens would be more than happy to help if the players can locate the goblins. Thirdly, (the preferred option) they could look a little more deeply into the attacks, before dealing with the guilty parties. After some discussion, the group decides to speak to the Roadwardens and enlist their help. Petra, (being an old time wfrp player), suspects that there is something more to this than meets the eye, and volunteers to speak to some of the other merchants as well, to see if there may be a pattern to the attacks, to help them locate the goblins lair. Detlev and Grim visit the smithy again, but are disappointed to find that the wardens are out on patrol. Grim decides to help the blacksmith with his work, pumping the bellows, and they chat about the robberies. “Funny thing is,” remarks the smith, “the wardens were never around when the attacks occurred.” Detlev, meanwhile, wanders back to the nearby shops, asking about the attacks, and collecting rumours. The lack of money and a scrawny dog don’t help him in the higher class shops (1 misfortune dice), but in the streets he talks to a couple of costermongers who Fred does tricks for, and they suggest the ambushes are, variously, i) the work of demons (of course!) - how else could they be lying in wait for the caravans? or ii) the work of the Roadwardens themselves! A third pedlar overhears, and disputes this, saying that Old John, one of the survivors of the last-but-one attack says they were definitely goblins. “In disguise!” retorts the other, much to everyones amusement. Detlev, amazed to hear of survivors, persists in the conversation, and discovers Old John will be in the Green Bottle that night. Free of her two lower class companions, Petra tidies herself up and makes her way to the Golden Scales, a semi-exclusive lunching house where she had learned the local merchants ate. Bluffing her way into the establishment using the Karlsberg name, she soon ingratiates herself with two other merchants dining there, and on being informed that she and her fellows are investigating the robberies, is plied with drink and information. Josef Karlsberg is not the only trader to be losing goods, she hears, though he is thought to be one of the biggest losers. After some prying (a hard fellowship test) she learns that all of the wagons were carrying at least some arms - the merchants worry that the goblins are arming themselves ready for an attack on the town! When Petra wonders aloud how the goblins could have known about this, the two clam up and, finishing their lunch quickly, excuse themselves. The three companions meet back at the Green Bottle Inn to discuss their findings. Grim is a little concerned about the Roadwardens - why exactly had they never been on hand to chase off the goblins? Petra suggests that if the goblins could somehow discover the contents of the wagons, finding out about the wardens patrols would be child’s play - an informer is her belief. When Detlev tells his companions about there being survivors of the attacks, Grim is disbelieving; goblins would never leave survivors, unless they were driven off. They all three decide to meet Old John that very evening, and, after hiring a room, go for a rest before the evenings carousing (“No!’ groans Petra). Lingering effects of ‘Drunken Bums’ leave her. That evening the Inn is full, with many extra patrons present to see the heroes of the stagecoach, the goblins bane. They are bought drinks by a number of customers, anxious to bask in the adventures reflected glory, all willing to share their theories with hunters. These range from no-nonsense baseless accusations (“Mother Gert is involved. Her eyes are too close together!”) to rather interesting pondering (like “why was the stagecoach attacked?” and “if there is an informer, how do they communicate with the goblins?”). When Old John appears, he is quickly introduced to the heroes, and after Detlev buys a round of drinks, tells how his wagon was ambushed by the goblins. The first he knew about it was a flight of arrows from the woods that wounded two of the three guards, then a charge by wolf riding goblins. He and three others had turned and ran in terror at this point, making their way back to town on foot. (“Shouldn’t have happened,” muttered Grim. “They should have been hunted down and slaughtered.”). The goblins apparently ignored the survivors who fled, and just stole the wagons complete with goods, before riding off into the woods. After so much free ale, the three companions must test for intoxication (a hard test for Detlev and Grim as they’d not eaten too well at lunch and there is so much free stuff about. A standard test for Petra as she’d been more careful. All three fail; perhaps we’re on the way to another Drunken Bums episode?). Whilst sitting in a booze-y haze, Conrad Balck appears, fresh from patrolling. After being bought a drink (! ), he quickly volunteers the Roadwardens assistance in dealing with the goblins. He then listens to the adventurers findings with interest, and adds a few theories the wardens have discussed - the goblins have some magical means of observing the wagons and themselves (has no-one heard of Occam’s razor?); one of the watchmen at the town gates is supplying details of the wagons as they leave (this still dosn’t explain how the goblins manage to arrange ambushes - no-one thinks of this). When being told of the weapons in each load, Conrad becomes genuinely concerned, and sits quiet for a time. (Conrad is desperately trying to work out how to throw the adventurers off the track). Once pressed, (various tests by each player - make sure they pass as Conrad wants to tell) Conrad pulls in his chair for secrecy, and asks how much the possible location of the goblins is worth. Consternation amongst the players, then they bargain him to three shillings. “The old mill outside town,” he whispers, “something has been seen lurking around there.” (Conrad knows one of the goblin leaders will be there the next day, waiting for him, and intends to kill him to tidy up). The session ends here, (actually a lunch break) with the three heroes deciding to go to the old mill with Conrad the next day. I force a standard test on the players for a possible Drunken Bums effect (the amount of booze they drank - sheesh), which Detlev fails, but passes on a re-roll - fate point used. They retire to bed, Petra carefully hiding her money in her boot. Well, that was interesting. There were lots of clues left about for the players to tease out about the informer, the Roadwardens, the weapons, and also the news about Benny being an Imperial agent (they seem to be ignoring it, just hoping it will go away!), but no-one really followed up. Perhaps the players will pick something up next session, (the drivers funeral, a tall good-looking woman throwing herself on the grave [the merchants wife] but I have my doubts - they seem to be moving post-haste to a possibly fatal showdown with the goblins. They haven’t even asked how many there are!). They all seem to be accepting Conrad and Josef’s story; no-one seems to have considered the whole concept of lying - a well earned reminder about just how brutal life in the Empire is on the cards, I feel. (Actually did occur - we played sessions 2 and 3 back-to-back. Let's just say they need to start looking for alternative employment).

For a change of pace try "Always the first to die" on youtube. A hoot

Yeah, I've got a custom made card I'll try and find and post - at the moment I'm between computers (my old mac blew up) and am scrabbling through DataRescueTemp folders. The 'cheap tickets' scene is part of a larger story called, strangely enough 'Drunken Bums', that is supposed to be able to be run in parallel with other adventures (see below) ADVENTURE SYNOPSIS The merchant, Josef Karlberg of Lachenbad, is selling the departure dates and routes of the wagons of his fellow traders to a small troop of goblins (the yellow water gang). Being clever, all his contacts with the greenskins have been via an intermediary, Conrad Balck, a Roadwarden, who also supplies details of local patrols. Cleverer still, he has arranged for some of his own goods to be stolen as well, and is actively looking for (non-too-bright) adventuring types to investigate and hopefully slaughter the goblins before they can reveal too much. Meanwhile, Josef’s wife, Carla, is having a torrid affair with the local coachman, Benny Bengtson. Hearing of the relationship, Josef informs the goblins that Benny is a secret courier carrying a fabulous trinket in his wallet, which he is sworn to defend with his life. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to Josef, Benny really is a courier, and an imperial one at that, carrying secret dispatches. Hearing of the trouble at Lachenbad, Benny has arranged for a few brave looking chaps to travel with him, by the simple expedient of getting them drunk then drugging them into unconsciousness, before loading them onto the top of the coach.

Cheap Tickets Just had to post this after action report for a home-made scenario I’ve just run, it was an absolute blast. Two new-to-wfrp players (ex D and D) and one veteran, and they requested to just get into the thick of the grim and deadly world - the D and D players particularly didn’t like those “you start off in a tavern” beginnings. So of course they did start in a tavern, quaffing ale, they just can’t remember any of it. Their nice ‘Defiant Scoundrels’ card was superseded by a temporary overlay ‘Drunken Bums’ (see below), and all their money was stolen. I love this game Party card - Drunken bums (this is a purpose designed Party card overlay that temporarily replaces a party’s group card for a day (or longer if they continue partying!). It has definite advantages when falling, in fearful situations and offers the party an extra die in some (lower class) social occasions. However, the party members are more prone to gaining stress from loud noises etc., and there is the possibility of developing alcoholism. Two trackers are in use, a six step one for the stagecoach, indicating damage to its structure, at step six the coach flips over; and a ten step tracker to measure the goblin raiders morale (flee at 10). Party members Detlev Kanst - Ratcatcher (and Fred-the-dog) Grim Grimnirsson - Dwarf Troll Slayer Petra Nunce - Gambler You wake up feeling as though a large buffalo has urinated in your mouth, and possibly then walked all over you as an encore. There is a pounding in your ears, and as you crack open one eyelid, a blinding light sends a needle of pain through your head. You open the other eye and try to sit up, making the world spins and shake around you. My God (insert favoured deity), what did you drink last night? This is the hangover to end all hangovers, the black beast of legend and madness; and still the world keeps rocking and shaking, still the pounding is in your ears. Gradually you realize that the world really is rocking and shaking, and that the pounding you can hear really does sound like the pounding of hooves. You turn your head to the sound of dry retching, and see another figure next to you, looking, you think, even worse than you feel. Vaguely you remember him, one of a couple of chance drinking buddies from last night. You sat and drank wildly with a couple of the local coachmen, spinning a tale of your bravery, and much impressed, they'd sold you all cheap tickets for the stagecoach. You sit up suddenly. You are lying amidst a pile of luggage, on top of a moving carriage, traveling at breakneck speed through the forest. A convulsive grab at a handrail. Two other figures are stirring next to you, one groaning and muttering in a foreign language, the other sobbing a little and clutching at their head. Discarded next to you you see your purse, turned inside out and obviously empty. Groan. A wine bottle rolls past you, spilling the last of its contents as it skitters by. A gentle sob. It starts to rain lightly. You sigh, and, rolling onto your back, look to the heavens. Could this day be any worse? As if by magic, an arrow appears in the carriage roof next to your head, vibrating slightly. Now read on ... Petra looks over the luggage strapped to the coach roof and sees a troop of wolf riding goblins in hot pursuit, arrows flying. The guard suddenly leaps up and yells “Watch your heads!” before discharging a blunderbuss wildly, missing everyone, but adding stress counters to the whole party. The recoil then promptly throws him off the carriage, and a slight bump marks the coach running over him. One down in the first few seconds, it’s not looking good. More arrows fly, and everyone ducks down behind the luggage - of the party, only Detlev gets hit, but with a great lurch the coach driver, Benny, takes two arrows in his back, (only two wounds off a critical). He recovers, but looks bad. He then fails his drive test, due to the wounds and adds one to the coach damage tracker. Petra replies with her pistol, and takes down one of the goblin henchmen (add one to the morale tracker). Grim, in a fit of genius, throws a hat case at the goblins and knocks another one of the goblins off his wolf (two on the tracker). Detlev tries the same, but misses wildly, whilst Fred-the-dog yaps incessantly - another stress point to Grim. More arrows, this time hitting no-one, and Petra fires again, also missing. Grim is again the hero of the hour, flinging a whole case of clothing over the back of the coach, blinding two of the pursuers (three and four on the tracker). A lurch and he almost falls off, but is saved by Detlev, who uses his turn to pull the dwarf down on the roof. Fred continues to bark wildly, but no-one accrues stress. The goblins then reach the coach, and attempt to clamber aboard - three at the back, and one at each door. Another couple try to ride past the coach to reach the horses and halt the coach - with the coach stopped they would all be easy meat for the greenskins. Benny the coachdriver tries to steer the coach over to the side of the track and drive the goblins on that side off, but fails his drive test again, damaging the coach further (an average test, for fast driving [1 dice] + fancy manoeuvre [1 dice]). Detlev and Petra both skewer a goblin apiece (five and six) and the goblins fall off the coach (no attack for the goblins, no block/dodge plus one fortune dice). Grim, seeing the goblins trying to reach the horses, grabs the nearest object (Fred!) and throws him at one of the goblins. (A point of great emotion, Detlev is apoplectic, whilst Grim professes good riddance to the dog. I allow two fortune dice to the throw as Fred is trying to reach his target (think guided dog-missile) and add three tension counters to the party sheet. Fred hits the target (of course) and I allow Detlev a last sight of his dog trotting after the coach, to prevent internecine warfare. (Seven on the goblin morale tracker). Meanwhile there are screams from inside the coach. One of the passengers manages to skewer a henchman and he falls out of the coach (eight on the tracker), but the other is one of the goblin leaders, and he manages to get into the coach despite being stabbed. The third goblin who was climbing up the back of the coach (another leader, Razur the Black) finally gets onto the roof and prepares to attack. whilst more riders try to pass the coach. With a little prompting, the adventurers are made to realize that allowing the goblin to reach the horses would be a bad thing. Grim, taking the whole hero thing too seriously, decides he will leap onto the horses harness and engage the goblin trying to stop the horses. A moment of high drama, and the dwarf promptly fails his average athletics test and falls off, accruing a critical wound to the head (average test + 1 luck dice for heroic behaviour + fortune dice - he is really clumsy). The wagons wheels miss him, and the goblins ignore him for the coach. At Detlev’s request Fred-the-dog takes a chunk out of his leg as he lies stunned on the road. (One wound, and how we laughed - another two tension points to the party). With disaster facing them, the two remaining heroes decide to attack the goblin on the roof. Detlev goes first, using all the fortune points he can muster and scores an easy hit plus critical, forcing the goblin to make a falling test (average athletics test) which he passes. Meanwhile, one of the goblins trying to pass the coach, instead of going for the horses, decides to shoot Benny the driver. Point blank range, and its all over for Benny Bengtson. A huge lurch (one to the coach damage tracker and another average athletics test each) and the goblin on the roof goes over the side. Detlev also falls, but is saved by Petra. With the death of one of their leaders (two to the tracker), the goblins morale finally breaks. The coach lurches about (automatic drive fail) and adds another to the damage tracker. The leader inside the coach dives out of the door accruing a critical but survives. The rest of the band ride off for places unknown, and Petra succeeds at a hard ride test to bring the coach under control. The aftermath is a little hurried as we’re running out of time and the PC’s are all a bit over-excited. One of the passengers inside the coach is a sister of Shallya, and starts to tend to the wounded. Detlev searches Benny’s corpse, (“looking for his next of kin” is the excuse), and he finds a sealed letter addressed to ‘the Graf’ . (An average test to notice the seal is imperial - fail) While the others are umm-ing and ah-ing, Grim staggers up the road, snatches the letter and opens it. “Stupid manling words!” he shouts and throws it on the ground. Petra picks it up, and notices the Imperial seal (uh-oh). She tries to read the message - its in code. Double uh-oh. It sinks in to them all that they have just opened a secret message to the Emperor (another tension counter). “Perhaps this is why the coach was attacked?” suggests Petra. “Duh, you think?” is the general reply. Absolutely wrong, its a secret message, but it gets them all further embroiled. After the inside passengers are seen to, Maria, the Shallyan sister, comes out to tend to the adventurers. Two more of the passengers emerge, a merchant and an older woman, and start shouting about their lost possessions, and demanding payment for their luggage (more tension counters). The party tension meter is now at a critical level, triggering an “I need a drink” test. Petra, suprisingly, is the only one who fails, and promptly digs a small flask out of her pocket and skulls it, gaining the intoxicated condition. She then turns on the passengers and soundly berates them, whilst Grim stands behind, intimidating them into silence. A shout and a troop of Roadwardens belatedly arrive. They have a severely injured Sammy in tow, minus blunderbuss, and give the goblin riders tracks a cursory glance. Long gone. Sammy is loaded inside and Benny’s body is strapped to the roof, while their leader listens to the complaints of the passengers about their lost luggage. He nods a lot and look serious, then winks at Detlev, before moving everyone out towards Lachenbad and the Green bottle Inn. Finis Part of this scenario involved the players being given handouts that were flashbacks to the previous nights drinking, supposedly at moments of great tension. Grim got two when he fell off the coach (Benny bought lots of the drinks last night and Sammy the guard didn’t buy a drink all night, the cheapskate!), Detlev received one when Fred was launched at a goblin (the wine tasted funny), and Petra got one when she failed her ‘I need a drink’ test (Benny disappeared with a tall blonde woman halfway through the night); there are a couple more to go didn’t the guard say we could ride for free? and how come the dog didn’t bark when we were robbed?. With all the excitement going on the PC’s just stashed the handouts for later; they’ll re-read them next session, I guess. Not sure wether perhaps I should have introduced these the next day, after the ‘Drunken Bums’ card has worn off, and not in the middle of the action. The tension meter was absolutely brilliant, underlining the conflict between Grim and Detlev, who both played their characters to the hilt. There is already talk of dogs widdling on sleeping dwarves (let them lie!), muzzles and castration. Petra being perhaps on the way to developing alcoholism is a bonus - first game and she needs a drink; love it. There was also quite a lot of tactical stuff that I missed out in the report- stances, action cards, wounds - in favour of storytelling, but the system as a whole worked beautifully.

Hmmm. His armour is worth TWO HUNDRED gold coins. He cannot wear it in the street else he'll get arrested. He's poor, so sleeps in not-so-nice dives, perhaps even leaves his belongings there. Thats a lot of money in this setting, and as an out-of-towner that spells victim, so .... Nick it. Cut the straps on it and force him to get it repaired then 'lose' it. Burn the Inn down. Sink the barge. Arrest him and confiscate it for a while. Hell, get some dwarven bunkum artist to claim its his family heirloom and hold him up in court for a couple of weeks. Don't penalize him too badly, he'll get it back, but they all make nice plot fillers, and he will end up just a bit paranoid and appreciate his armour so much more. And, with the amount of help he'll need from his less melee orientated friends perhaps he'll get to appreciate their skills a bit more

sorry but this thread always makes me think of that detective series, "Monk"

I think I may own one of your cats siblings. Ears, teeth, lots of fur and a bad attitude?

cats would be cool - give them talents like 'just cant be bothered", 'hairball', 'licks-arse-in-your-general-direction' and 'do I know you?' for authenticity. These might be triggered when you want them to do something for you ("yes kitty, just fetch the drunken jailors keys for me." - Blank stare then licks bum). Not incredibly useful, but Gods! they could really annoy the PC's.

Just do it at the moment i have a small dwarf clan sitting on one of the minor trade roads, 'confiscating' goods. They say that they're after a stolen rune axe, but basically its 'cos their clan lord is just a bad egg. The local baron is far too ineffectual and scared of upsetting the dwarves to do anything about it, except write letters, whilst one of the local merchants is making a killing re-selling stolen goods, happily watching his competitors go slowly belly up. Meanwhile the PC's, unbeknowing, find themselves on top of the local stage clutching their heads (too much ale last night*), when a band of goblin riders decide to stage a hold up. Cue chase, cue arrows and falling off stage, cue rescue, cue robbery with menaces, shaved heads and no trousers (who said dwarves have no sense of humour?). Not a chaos cult in sight. Who's the goodies? Who's the baddies? Where's all the money going? Who stole the rune axe? Where are my trousers? Motivation, thats the key. *I have made a new party card called "drunken bums", giving advantages when falling but an awful thirst and bad breath. This can temporarily replace a previous party card until the alcohol has worn off, but is also good for parties who haven't decided exactly what flavour they are.

The whole peace should win a prize reg

I run a pretty good i-book, but i too find the whole thing slow, esp the bigger books. One thing, though is that the pages load as layers - the stats lines, supposedly not in the e-books, appear very briefly - is this just a mac thing? Is it possible to turn off the blanking layer? Suggestions gratefully etc

Asexual? I thought they were just all so ugly that you couldn't tell the difference!. Hmm, that makes the shaman REALLY deviant; thank goodness we never went into the whole orcish gender wars thing (one of my players is pol. science - she asks many scary questions). Er, just out of interest, how do they procreate? I remember in WHK many years ago there was something about mushrooms and long toilets, but I thought that was the equivalent of orc bike shed stories. PS Still trying to find a way to re-constitute my group post dwarven amatory exploits. Perhaps I can tell him this makes him very special.

Deep in the closet gay orc shaman , takes a shine to one of the group - preferably the most macho*. The group need the co-operation of the orcs for some reason, so do they play along? Just fight and say stuff it? How does the orc disguise his 'perversion' from his uber tough mates? How does this affect your group dynamic? Roll on roleplaying *personally I think making it the trollslayer is just a tad too much. Unless there were drugs involved. Or an alchemist. ** my group had both the above, and ended with a naked, half drugged trollslayer rampaging through an orc encampment searching for his alchemist mate to kill her in the most painful way possible. Escape by the group was only made possible by the in-fighting and laughter of the orcs (and the decapitated body of the shaman). I'm still trying to think of a way to bring the group back together without bloodshed. A disguise? Suggestions gratefully etc.