Here are some suggested revisions for Chapter I. Others may see things I missed.
The Player Characters
p. 8, col 1, para 5 - This states “over time, these characters suffer tremendous defeats and glorious victories.” Suffering glorious victories sounds awkward. Perhaps “these characters suffer tremendous defeats and achieve glorious victories.”
The Game Master
p. 8, col 1, para 6 - “The Game Master (GM) is the player who sets the scenes” - Makes this consistent with other abbreviations in the text.
p. 8, col 2, para 2 - “NPCs are the characters . . .” Non-Player Characters (or NPC) is redundant here because it is already defined at the bottom of col 1.
p. 8, col 2, para 3 - “The GM is not the PCs’ adversary” - admittedly this looks awkward, but “PCs” is the stated abbreviation for Player Characters.
p. 8, col 2, para 5 - “While this rulebook provides specific rules on how to resolve actions, the game relies heavily on both the GM and the . . .” - Uses GM instead of Game Master.
The Core Mechanic
p. 9, col 1, para 2 - “1. Roll a pool of dice.” - Previously missing a period after the word “dice.”
p. 9, col 1, para 4 - “This section also discusses how to assemble a dice pool and when to introduce extra dice based on the circumstances.” No comma necessary.
p. 9, col 1, para 5 - “. . . Edge of the Empire, . . .” The comma after Edge of the Empire appears to be in bold italics and should not be.
p. 9, col 2, para 5, - There are three types of positive dice, which . . .” added a comma before which. This is analogous to the sentence describing negative dice on p. 10.
p. 10, table at the top, the last cell on the left - “Other advantages as determined by the GM” - adding “the” makes it consistent with the cell on the other side
p. 10, col 1, para 3 - “In simplest terms, the more Difficulty dice in a dice pool, the more challenging it is for a character to succeed.”
p. 10, col 1, last sentence - “Challenge dice are represented . . .” Typo in the spelling of “Challenge” said Challence
p. 11, col 1, para 1 - “ If this is rolled, it is counted as “10.” ” There appears to be a space between “ and 10.
p. 11, col 1, para 2 - “The percentile roll is abbreviated as “d00” and is used . . .” Comma removed and matched the abbreviation style for “d10” found in the paragraph above.
p. 11, col 1, para 3 - “David makes a percentile roll . . .” brings this in line with the term percentile roll instead of using the term “rolls percentiles”
p. 11, col 1, para 3 - “He designates the green die as the tens’ digit.” Brings in line with usage in above paragraph
Dice Symbols & Results
p. 11, col 1, para 4 - “this section introduces and defines the different symbols, and also . . .” Typo stated “anda also”
p. 11, col 1, para 7 - “For example, in combat, each Success symbol is added to the damage inflicted to the target of an attack.” Added “of an attack.” A little nitpicky, but this makes it clear that a target of a medicine check would not be damaged by Success symbols if the check were made “in combat.”
p. 11, col 2, para 6 - “First, each Triumph symbol also counts as one Success symbol in every . . .” Comma removed. This matches the analogous description of Despair on page 12.
p. 11, col 2, para 8 - “The Success aspect of the Triumph symbol can be cancelled by a Failure symbol as usual, however, the second . . .” Added comma after “however”
p. 12, col 2, para 6 - “The Failure aspect of the Despair symbol can be cancelled by a Success symbol as usual, however, the second . . .” Added comma after “however”
p. 13, col 1, para 2 - “While PCs have . . .” Replaced Player Characters with PCs to align with style.
p. 13, col 2, para 1 - “One of the most common applications for Force dice in Edge of the Empire is their use . . .” Removed “the” before Force dice to bring to bring into agreement with their.
p. 13, col 2, para 2 - “The Force die and the mechanics that govern it are very different from the core skill check mechanics of Edge of the Empire.” Edge of the Empire changed to bold italics.
p. 14, col 1, para 5 - “To find the default characteristic profile of each playable species . . .”
Defining Task Difficulty
p. 15, col 2, para 4 - perhaps add a sentence such as “Table 1-2 provides examples of the difficulty of different tasks.” Table 1-2 is not referenced until two pages later on page 17, but it may be clear without a sentence. Alternatively Table 1-2 could be moved to page 17.
p. 17, examples - One general suggestion would also be to change the example text from centered to aligned left with a slight indent The italics and green font make it easy enough to distinguish the examples, but the centered alignment makes reading the examples harder.
p. 17, examples - there should be a space between Example 3 and the paragraph that begins “Note that both 41-VEX and Oshkara . . .”
p. 18, col 1, para 7 - “See the Positive Dice and Negative Dice sidebar on page 10 . . .” Text incorrectly states this sidebar is on page 9.
p. 22, col 2, para 1 - “Example: Later Pash …” Capitalizing “later”
p. 23, col 1 - use of “PC” and “Player Character” is inconsistent in this section. Also, “Destiny” is capitalized at certain points but not at others, e.g. “The concept of Destiny . . .”
p. 23, col 2, para 1 “. . . the number of light side and dark side Destiny Points can change frequently, as players and the GM . . .” Added “the” before GM.
p. 23, col 2, para 1 “However, players may only spend light side Destiny Points, and the GM may only spend dark side Destiny Points.”
p. 23 col 2, para 6-7 - Text refers to information on upgrading on page 17. It probably should refer to the text on page 18.
Luck and Deus ex Machina
p. 24, col 1, para 3 - This should probably be set out as an example not merely an italicized paragraph.
p. 25, col 2, para 2 “For more information on Obligation, see page 30.” Text incorrectly refers to page 29.
p. 25, col 1, para 3 “During a campaign, players also receive additional experience for each session of Edge of the Empire, which they can also spend . . .” Text contained a typo “pend”
p. 26, col 2, para 2 - Text states that the Toughened talent adds to strain threshold. However, Toughened talent as described on p. 100 says it adds to wound threshold. Probably should say Grit instead. Alternatively, any specific talent names could be removed to bring this section in line with Wound Threshold and Soak Value which do not mention specific talents.