Experimental session of the Deathwatch game I''ll be playing in once I''ve wound up Season One of our Rogue Trader game.
It was obvious from the start that this was not going to be a serious campaign. One of the custom chapters for the proposed Deathwatch game is a chapter of astoundingly ill luck, and faulty genetic engineering.
Me: They really were scraped from the bottom of the geneseed fridge, weren''t they►
GM: The Lamentors chapter psychic ability was good - they spread waves of despair, just like I''ve been accused of doing
GM: The Space Wolf Dreadnought Bjorn the Fell-handed is so old he actually met the Emperor.
Gilroy''s player : "Back in my day, Orks were twice as big. And three times as ugly!"
Me: "Get off my lawn!… I wore an Ork head on my belt, it was the fashion of the time…
In this session, we were sent to clean up after another mission, at a crash site where some of the earlier team were thought to have been killed on arrival. The missing Drop-Pod went down on Graf Magna, inside Ork-occupied territory, but only now has the pod''s beacon started broadcasting. For some reason the Watch-Commander wants nobody to know that the Deathwatch were there, and we are given orders to eliminate anybody, even Imperial authorities, that try to obstruct or delve too deeply into the clean-up mission. The team selected for the mission contains an unusual number of specialists…
Characters include - Tactical Marine Telemachus of the Millennial Wardens - Sneaky bastard.
Apothecary Corben of the Emperor''s Ghosts - Also sneaky bastard, here to recover the gene-seed of his fallen battle-brothers.
Apothecary Hippocrates of the Dark Angels - Secretive bastard. Somewhat distrusted by the rest of the team, thanks to the Dark Angel''s reputation for secrecy.
Devastator Gunhildr of the Iron Hands - Cranky bastard.
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan of the Storm Wardens - Mad bastard.
Tech-marine Tawhaki of the Scions of Fuschal - Probably a bastard.
Despite some misgivings, the already notorious Gilroy MacIan is elected squad leader for the mission, due to his previous experience at winding up Orks. He''s notorious for some of the following - he''s Gilroy MacIan because that''s Anglo-Gaelic for Leroy Jenkins ( at least we eventually decided against Brother Larcus, Crispin and Malleus, and their battle cry of WoopWoopWoopWoopWoop! ). And when he''s not charging Orks mobs, ripping off their arms, and beating them to death with the soggy end, he has other things to occupy his time.
Gilroy''s Player : His hobbies are either baking muffins or knitting. Both encourage temperance and dexterity - and I''ll do both in power armour
Me : So what does he do with the stuff he knits►
Gilroy''s Player : Strangles his enemies. ''This scarf is just your colour!'' ''BLAARGHHH! *choking noises*''
Brother Gilroy : GIIIIILROY MacIAAAAAN!!!!!!!!! *charges*
Brother Telemachus: I foresee myself recquisitioning the Astartes Grapnel Launcher a lot. *SHUUNT - reels Gilroy back in*
Me: I foresee myself spending most of the session transcribing quotes.
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : What, nobody wants to charge the enemy with me► Ah well, I''ll just do it myself. GILROY MacIAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!
Apothecary Hippocrates : Don''t worry, I''ll come with you…. I''ll harvest your gene-seed one of these days…
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : *sings* I like to fillet big monsters, I cannot lie; you battle-brothers can''t deny…
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : So, has anybody else named their power armour yet► I''ve named mine ''Thunderchild''… no► Your loss.
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : I''ve got a name for the squad, too - ''A Murder of Space Marines''
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : *sings* Bolters and chainswords and claymores for fightin'', thunder hammers all a''cracklin'' with lightnin'', jump packs and armour and Iron Halo rings, these are a few of my wargear-y things…
We eventually decide that an insertion inside Ork territory, then moving back towards the human lines on Scout Bikes, with a teleport homer beacon to remove all the wreckage and remains once we''ve found them, will be the way to go.
GM : *chants* D''oh… D''oh… D''oh… D''oh… D''oh…
All : ►
GM : Teleport Homer
Devastator Gunhildr OOC : Teleport homers are for sissies
Tech-Marine Tawhaki OOC : Real Space Marines WALK home.
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : I''m liking this squad already
Apothecary Corben : How far from the crash site do we want to drop►
Devastator Gunhildr OOC : I suggest three days out, taking this lovely route via the tropical beaches. I''ll requisition the Margaritas now.
Apothecary Hippocrates OOC : We''ll have to hold pinkies while we walk down the beach.
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : I could use use two Suzuki Swifts as nunchuks if I have to
Tactical Marine Telemachus : We this many mission bonuses, we could land, take off again, and we''re we''re done.
GM : Not quite, you still need 120 mission points
Tech-Marine Tawhaki : We''ll just have to kill some Orks while we''re there
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : And what a turrible shame that''ll be *grinning horribly*
Tactical Marine Telemachus : Fun► Fun is for the after-party.
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : I''ll bring the Disco Grenades.
Devastator Gunhildr : Do you install cybernetics► I''ve had this cough lately and I''ve been thinking about having my lungs replaced.
Tech-Marine Tawhaki : Now if we had an Ultramarine in the squad we could ask him was the Codex Astartes says to do in this situation.
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : And then say "That''s nice, now shut up"
Apothecary Corben : Are we all Codex chapters►
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : There''s a Codex►
Gilroy relaxes during the drop.
GM : You''re knitting►
Tech-Marine Tawhaki : Of course he is, it''s not like he''s going to be cooking muffins on the dropship… no oven….
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : I''m sorry, boys, I''d have brought muffins to the meeting, but wouldn''t you know it, I burnt the lot.
Unfortunately, it appears that several hundred Orks got to the crash site first. Unfortunate for the Orks, that is.
Tactical Marine Telemachus : Let''s Ride! … oh no, I''m having flashbacks to ''Biker Mice From Mars''
GM : The Ork Nob and his retinue of Shoota Boyz are coming down the ravine towards you.
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : Gentlemen! He''s coming right for us… exactly where I want ''im!
Tech-Marine Tawhaki : You wiped out the entire mob.
Peanut Gallery : Now they can de-mob
GM : There''s still some people moving through the brush on the far side of the ravine
Tech-Marine Tawhaki : Not people - xenos scum
GM : Well, there might have been some people in there.. that would take some explanation
Tactical Marine Telemachus OOC : One of them stands up and takes off his Ork mask, and yells ''Foam Weapons Only! Foam Weapons Only!"
Mortally wounded Ork Nob : My squishy bitz! I need dem!
The Orks attempt to regroup here the crash site, behind some boulders.
GM : One of the mobs fires a missile at you.
Tech-Marine Tawhaki : Aw, how sweet, they noticed.
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : They do care!
Tech-Marine Tawhaki : I believe that''s your cue
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : GILROOOOOOOY MacIAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *charges*
GM : Yes, you''re all on the squad leaders initiative, but you''re just behind
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : He''s saying you''re a little slow
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : *grabs Ork in a chokehold* Gentlemen! Atomic Astartes Noogie!
Tech-Marine Tawhaki : It''s what the Deathwatch rejects that makes the Deathwatch the best.
GM : You should kill them this round - what are you using►
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : Irony
The lone surviving Ork legs it for the horizon
Tech-Marine Tawhaki : Well, if you still want hand-to-hand combat against them
Assault Marine Gilroy MacIan : Eh… just the one► What''s the point► Hose him down, boys.
All : *draw and fire*
Four dead Space Marines are recovered from the wreckage - but the way the beacon was moved to the top of the ridge, and the black-box records from the pod, suggest that one of them managed to bail out in time, and probably landed behind the human lines. Which makes his failure to report in very odd. Not only that, it appears the drop-pod had been sabotaged. And who set up the beacon, in that case► To be continued…