you are correct. in the rules it does state that you are not permitted to discuss the actions. i for one think that this is a foolish rule considering that this is a tactical team-survival game. last night i played a 2 player game for the first time ever and we discussed the moves. (i was teaching a noob)
i dont see how discussing the moves makes things any easier. this game still was very difficult and we did not win. we played 3 games for a total of 3 losses.
as far as following the rules it is admirable to follow all rules as they were meant to be. the contradiction to that is up to the players. for example the expansion packs all advise that you do not mix them with the base game and they are to be played by themselves. i have mixed the cards and it played just fine.
ultimately dude, i say follow what plays best. observe the rules and game mechanics that make it the game taht it is and just have fun with it