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#41 Generaljimbo

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Posted 13 August 2013 - 12:59 PM

- When your Exploritors response to finding out your void master has just had his leg hacked off is to reply with glee "Oh that's allright I need genetic material anyway".

 

- Said Exploritor then "rescues" void masters leg and reassures him about it before having him taken to the medibay to perform emergency surgery.

 

- Void Master recovers from the surgery to find his leg replaced with a fairly mediocre grade bionic liberated from the gun servitor the party had been battling before Void Masters unfortunate incident. What happened to the Void Masters actual leg remains a mystery.

 

- When left in command of the party's cruiser with the express orders to "Avoid conflict and attempt deplomacy". Opens said diplomatic communication with a up till now neutral ship with a hail requesting that the vessel "LOWER YOUR SHIELDS AND PREPARE TO BE ASSIMILATED" before sending over waves of Murder Servitors via Boarding torpedoes and Teleportarium after the hailed vessel opens fire.

 

- When quizzed about how neutral ship ended up being forcefully captured "diplomatically" your Exploritor explains (somewhat honestly from his point of view)  that he "avoided conflict and used diplomacy" by "not destroying the ship and boarding it to negotiate directly with the vessels machine spirit" (and vent most compartments to void) after "diplomatic relations with fleshy minions of the vessel had taken a turn for the worse".


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#42 Birion

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Posted 14 August 2013 - 11:30 PM

- When your Senechal manages to convince the Ecclesiarchy and a bunch of Puritan Inquisitors that the daemon weapons he's selling are absolutely devoid of Chaotic taint.

 

Especially if said "convincing" consists of flipping a switch that changes the (clearly xenotech) neon board from "Now with Free Chaos Taint!!!" to "Now Free from Chaos Taint!!!"


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#43 jabberwoky

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Posted 15 August 2013 - 11:04 PM

-The Rogue Trader goes shopping for a handbag... and finds one that matches his custom storm bolter.

 

-The Seneschal goes shopping for a new xenotech pistol... and finds one that matches his handbag.

 

-Surprisingly the Arch-Militant returns with dozens of handbags.  Not surprisingly, he uses them to throw multiple frag grenades at the same time.


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#44 htsmithium

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Posted 17 August 2013 - 09:48 AM

you pull into port wanderer and get charrged two docking fees. one for your ship and one for your hat.

 

you decided to not get your nova cannons purged of deamonic taint because it saves on ammo and labor cost.

 

some tribal world has a myth about your ship that roughly translates as destroyer of worlds.

 

between your arch-millitant and seneschal you some how have a squad of riptide suits on board, but they are legal because of the giant " we love the emperor!! " stickers all over them.

 

one of said suits has disapered, as has the resident mek-boy.

said mek-boy and magos have a long running bet to see who can fit the most shooty and stabby bits on a murder servitor.


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 ding dong mala mortuus est,

quem veteres strigam

impii strigam

ding dong impiorum strigam mortuus est.


#45 jabberwoky

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Posted 17 August 2013 - 12:27 PM

some tribal world has a myth about your ship that roughly translates as destroyer of worlds.

-At higher levels, your crew comes across a Feral World Rogue Trader whose crew wear face masks eerily similar to your captain's face.


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#46 jabberwoky

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Posted 25 August 2013 - 02:45 PM

-The Rogue Trader spray-paints the words Omnibus Festus* on the Void-Master's shiny new Rhino
 
*High-Gothic for "Party Bus"


Edited by jabberwoky, 25 August 2013 - 02:49 PM.

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#47 jabberwoky

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Posted 26 August 2013 - 01:37 AM

-When your Rogue Trader's hit-and-run party ignores destroying the enemy's void shields in favor of stealing everything they can carry from the enemy's trophy room.

 

-When the Arch-Militant's battle scars stop being a detriment to his Fellowship and instead begin giving him the Fear (1) trait.

 

-The words "Astropath" and "Lady Gaga Costume Model" become interchangeable.

 

-The Explorator, for all his lunatic ravings, mad experiments, intolerance for failure, low charisma and sociopathic tendencies, is the most polite person you'll meet in the Koronus Expanse.  And also the scariest.

 

-The Missionary has become jealous of the Astropath's fashion sense and is desperately trying to create "Anti-Psyker" copies.  So far it hasn't impressed the Calixian nobility, as they still buy the origionals.

 

-The Navigator refuses to come out of his room and continually orders coffee and pastries.  Although the Rogue Trader and Arch-Militant talk about his percieved cowardice, they speak of the Navigator only when they are off the ship and even then in a barely audible whisper.

 

-The Seneschal convinced a group of Space Wolves that a plush toy with the tag "Property of Leman Russ" was a relic, and donated it to the chapter in exchange for services rendered.

 

-The words "Void-Master" and "Adeptus Mechanicus Test PIlot" are interchangeable.


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#48 Alasseo

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Posted 26 August 2013 - 05:31 AM

-...except maybe when he learned that with a bit of practice and Void-Master's help, it can be precisely dropped on the heathen temple.
 
-In commemoration of that event, the first religious hymn the newly converted locals learned is a High Gothic version of "ding dong the witch is dead". The melody is more bombastic, of course.

something like- "Ding Dong mala mortuus est,

quem veteres strigam

impii strigam

Ding Dong impiorum strigam mortuus est!"


Edited by Alasseo, 26 August 2013 - 05:33 AM.

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There is no right, and no wrong, but having the bigger stick makes it so...


#49 htsmithium

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Posted 27 August 2013 - 07:02 PM

 

-...except maybe when he learned that with a bit of practice and Void-Master's help, it can be precisely dropped on the heathen temple.
 
-In commemoration of that event, the first religious hymn the newly converted locals learned is a High Gothic version of "ding dong the witch is dead". The melody is more bombastic, of course.

something like- "Ding Dong mala mortuus est,

quem veteres strigam

impii strigam

Ding Dong impiorum strigam mortuus est!"

 

im going to take this and make it my sig, if that's cool with you Alasseo?


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 ding dong mala mortuus est,

quem veteres strigam

impii strigam

ding dong impiorum strigam mortuus est.


#50 CaptainRemiVandigrath

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Posted 27 August 2013 - 09:27 PM

When the Fluff says that no one has ever made a profit at some endeavor, that it has ruined every Rogue Trader who's tried, and that there is NO WAY that a Rogue Trader should ever be allowed to pull it off, the players just take that as a challenge.


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#51 jabberwoky

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Posted 29 August 2013 - 08:46 PM

When the Fluff says that no one has ever made a profit at some endeavor, that it has ruined every Rogue Trader who's tried, and that there is NO WAY that a Rogue Trader should ever be allowed to pull it off, the players just take that as a challenge.

-When the Fluff says that no one has ever made a profit at some endeavor, that it has ruined every Rogue Trader who's tried, and that there is NO WAY that a Rogue Trader should ever be allowed to pull it off, the players convince someone else to do it, and profit off their failure.

 

-When your players have the chance of being the villains of a Dark Heresy campaign.

 

-After a ruined Rogue Trader has come back to civilization telling of dead stars in the darkness on the fringe of the galaxy, the first thought of the group is "Hey neat, let's go there."

 

-The second thought of the group is "Hey, according to physics, collapsed stars can be made up of gold..."

 

-After a long investigation by the Ordo Xenos where your players have been found innocent despite the fact they are guilty, you can hear the Lord Inquisitor mutter "Forget it Leviticus, it's Footfall..." as he walks away.


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#52 Morangias

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Posted 30 August 2013 - 05:21 AM

-When your players have the chance of being the villains of a Dark Heresy campaign.

And a Black Crusade campaign. At the same time.

 

-When you piss off Astartes Chapters, they think twice before assaulting you because not only the kind of political pull you have could end with them sharing the fate of Soul Drinkers, but the combined might of your armed forces would give the Chapter a run for it's money.

 

-Your Astropath has Scintilla, Lathes, Port Wander and Holy Terra on speed dial.

 

-The Calixian Conclave is adamant in refusing to give you a seat in the Ordo Xenos - the official explanation being "because you'd make them look bad in comparison."

 

-Apparently, "Get Out of Commoragh Free Card" is a thing among the Dark Eldar, because you have it and it's signed by Asdrubael Vect.

 

-Apparently, said card is only valid for you and your crew, and now Ordo Xenos is seriously pissed and wants that Inquisitorial Terminator armor back...

 

-...which isn't much of a problem since your Explorator assures you that he's successfully reverse-engineered it and the mass production can start within a year.

 

-It is said that nothing in this galaxy is more frightening than the sight of your Senechal smiling and calmly saying "Just As Planned."

 

-Luckily for your crew, he's polite enough to only do that in his office. Most of the time, anyway.

 

-There was this one time at Footfall when your Arch-Militant wanted to buy a hot dog, but the stall just ran out of mustard. There were no survivors.

 

-After a brief Gellar Field failure a wave of unchecked mutation overtakes the ship, and your first order is: "Leave those with extra hands alive, they'll work harder for the same pay!"


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There is no truth in flesh, only betrayal.

There is no strenght in flesh, only weakness.
There is no constancy in flesh, only decay.
There is no certainty in flesh but death.


#53 jabberwoky

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Posted 30 August 2013 - 10:31 AM

-Your Astropath has Scintilla, Lathes, Port Wander and Holy Terra on speed dial.

-The Astropath appears with a new bionic arm and a bionic leg.  When asked about it, she mutters something about "Terran long-distance charges..."


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#54 Bron

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Posted 07 September 2013 - 08:30 AM

- When your rogue trader insists on having a void capable horse so that he may ride into battle during boarding actions as this is the only way a gentleman can fight.

 

- When one player character has a stable of riding midgets so she can be bizzaro world reverse master blaster.

 

- When neither of those characters is the weird character in the party.

 

- When a successful mercantile venture can result in the devaluation of sector currency due to the influx of gold, silver and archeotech...

 

- When Nuking a few cities from orbit is now regarded as a standard opening negotiating move.


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#55 Magnus Grendel

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Posted 09 September 2013 - 01:25 AM

- When red-shirts get expended by the regiment.

- When the players forget that 'nuke the world from orbit, it's the only way to make sure' is only supposed to be invoked after you find out what's on the surface.

- When your rogue trader has two seperate luxury quarters components installed so he can carry Cold Trade smugglers in one and an Inquisitorial contingent in the other at the same time.

- When, despite his best efforts, they meet, the result is "Marius? Good to see you! Didn't know you were on board. Have a drink..."


Edited by Magnus Grendel, 09 September 2013 - 01:26 AM.

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#56 Lohandria

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Posted 10 September 2013 - 01:03 AM

-when you find a single chaos settlement on a planet and the first reaction is bombard all settlements.

-when you feel you don't have enough time to take each settlement out and cause mass volcanic eruptions to save time

-when such actions draw a chaos cruiser

-when the warp jump there caused more casualties than the chaos cruiser

-when all the above started because you were delivering 20,000 kroot to the planet and the 15,000 who pledged their service in exchange for said delivery have yet to be told the assumed fate of their brethren
(An eventful game where my gm felt like testing my newly made militant trader)

"Why is it terrible to hire Xenos? It is not like I am sitting at my meals with them. All I am doing is allowing the enemies of the Empire of man war against each other-with one side funded and directed by me"

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"So, umm i accidentally found an army and you will not believe how-I found them on a ship I was planning to crash into a planet. Unrelated news look at my new ship."


#57 jabberwoky

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Posted 11 September 2013 - 11:19 PM

-When being a slaver, a drug smuggler or an arms merchant are considered to be the least evil options for making money.

 

-In fact, doing all three at the same time is considered to be the hallmark of good business.

 

-The Missionary can soothe Exterminatus-minded clergy by stating that should such an event happen, the Rogue Trader will be their new spiritual leader because his hat is much bigger and better than theirs.  This argument has saved numerous worlds.


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#58 darkforce

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Posted 15 September 2013 - 03:18 AM

- You are attacked by a warband of CSM and answer "I pay double, be it sacrifices, slaves, thrones or weapons of mass destruction."

 

- You buy every single bar on every single planet just to have leverage on the population.

 

- You barely fought off a few Necrons and saying to yourself "damn, nothing left to sell..."

 

- Your Explorator then starts to search for a way of jamming Necron-Teleportation so you're able to salvage something.


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#59 CaptainRemiVandigrath

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Posted 16 September 2013 - 07:50 PM

After gutting a Chaos cruiser from range, the Rogue Trader's response to needing information from the captain (still sealed away in a reinforced bridge w/ auxiliary power) is not to board the ship, but to use his flagship's prow as a battering ram to open a hole in the bridge "safely".

 

When the Chaos Captain ends up being a powerful Champion, and starts running up the prow of the flagship towards the Rogue Trader's bridge out of the giant tear caused by the ramming attempt in a display of resplendent Chaos, the Rogue Trader decides to personally duel the captain on the exterior of the flagship because the champion "Is asking for it."

 

The Rogue Trader's idea of "Duel" is to then have a macrocannon battery aimed at the Champion, and an Arch-Militant with a Lascannon as backup, just in case.


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#60 Lohandria

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Posted 16 September 2013 - 08:05 PM

@ caption, the ship is his sword i guess lol


"Why is it terrible to hire Xenos? It is not like I am sitting at my meals with them. All I am doing is allowing the enemies of the Empire of man war against each other-with one side funded and directed by me"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So, umm i accidentally found an army and you will not believe how-I found them on a ship I was planning to crash into a planet. Unrelated news look at my new ship."





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