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Dark Omega - A Warhammer 40,000 novel


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#1 Green Knight

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Posted 05 May 2014 - 02:47 PM

I'm happy to announce Dark Omega, my first novel in my Warhammer 40,000 trilogy (it's around 140k words/500 pages). The trilogy is influenced by way the Imperium and the Inquisition are portrayed in Dan Abnett’s Eisenhorn/Ravenor series and the Warhammer 40,000 Roleplay game lines (the bulk of the action actually takes place in and around the official Calixis sector setting). Although the trilogy focuses on Inquisition-affiliated characters, there are plenty of other elements from the 40k setting in there, ranging from Space Marines, via Rogue Trader and Guardsmen, to foul Chaos heretics.

 

Hope you enjoy it!

 

B.

 

DIRECT DOWNLOAD (.pdf format)

 

Development blog

 

Read it on Wattpad.com (handy for mobile devices)

 

---

 

In the grim darkness of the far future there is only war. Beset on all side by multitudes of malefic enemies, Mankind tethers on the brink of destruction. Only the guiding light of the immortal God-Emperor, and the selfless sacrifices made in his name, keeps the horrors of the final night at bay. You are Marcus Aurelian, prodigal Interrogator of the Holy Orders of the Inquisition. Your master wields the absolute and inviolable authority of an Inquisitor. You are his sworn servant and trusted confidante. Recruited for your skills as an investigator and prowess as a warrior, it is your fate to stand on the front lines of a great and secret war. It is a conflict that has raged unabated for more than ten thousand years, beginning when Warmaster Horus raised his banners in rebellion against his Father and Emperor. It is your solemn duty is to root out the foul stench of heresy, hunt down the vile alien, and expunge the twisted influence of Chaos. You will tread where others fear go: You will venture to distant worlds filled with xenos abominations, you will walk through ancient space hulks best left undisturbed, and you will savour both the cruel depths of the under-hive and the wicked world of the high-born in their spire-top mansions. You will face enemies that would steal the courage from lesser men, you will see things that will scar your mind and soul forever, and you will come to face you own dark desires. You will never know fame nor reward, yet if you stand resolute, you will die knowing that you did so serving a higher purpose, and that your name and deeds will be carried to Holy Terra in darkness and silence, there to be whispered to the God-Emperor himself, who will know and remember for all eternity...


Edited by Green Knight, 22 May 2014 - 12:39 PM.


#2 ThenDoctor

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Posted 05 May 2014 - 05:26 PM

You have a typo on page 22 of the pdf, page 7 of the novel, paragraph 3, "Their fear was think and heavy now..." I believe you mean 'thick'.

 

Also page 29 of the pdf, page 14 of the novel, only line on the page, "They are my salvation, he though,..." I believe you mean 'thought'.

 

Thoughts after reading the prologue, I enjoy the writing of a the character as something not initially all powerful, and said character's growth into a named thing.


Edited by ThenDoctor, 05 May 2014 - 05:41 PM.


#3 Green Knight

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Posted 05 May 2014 - 11:06 PM

Right you are! Thanks for letting me know.

Like I quite in the preface: I'm afraid I haven't had access to a professional proofreader. So feedback like this is highly appreciated.

Hope you enjoy the rest of the novel as well!

#4 Green Knight

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Posted 18 May 2014 - 04:52 AM

Now also available on wattpad.com (much easier to read on mobile devices than the usual .pdf format).

Read it!



#5 Simsum

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Posted 21 May 2014 - 09:51 AM

I've finally gotten around to your book, and so far I'm very impressed. The 2nd person perspective is a little bit harder to get used to than I expected, but I'm sure you'll get me there. And for an unashamedly RPG inspired fiction, it is such a cool idea :D

I haven't been taking notes or anything, but there are a few typos, odd turns of phrase, and waffling.

FX: the first time you use the word 'admixture'. I know it might seem like the word you want, but it isn't. Just 'mixture' would have been the way to go.

Similarly, liquid amber: amber is fossilised tree sap with a bug caught inside, and it happens to be the colour of pee. So a polite way to describe a pee-coloured drink, is to call it an amber liquid. Liquid amber, however, would be actual amber somehow made liquid.

There's also a point where you don't describe the lighting, and then establish that it has now been increased by X%. I guess technically that's perfectly fine, but it's better still if you decide to either keep things vague and maybe throw in a metaphor or two, or go full-on nerd and express it as X Lumens, or similar.

#6 Green Knight

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Posted 22 May 2014 - 01:05 AM

I've finally gotten around to your book, and so far I'm very impressed. The 2nd person perspective is a little bit harder to get used to than I expected, but I'm sure you'll get me there. And for an unashamedly RPG inspired fiction, it is such a cool idea :D

I haven't been taking notes or anything, but there are a few typos, odd turns of phrase, and waffling.

FX: the first time you use the word 'admixture'. I know it might seem like the word you want, but it isn't. Just 'mixture' would have been the way to go.

Similarly, liquid amber: amber is fossilised tree sap with a bug caught inside, and it happens to be the colour of pee. So a polite way to describe a pee-coloured drink, is to call it an amber liquid. Liquid amber, however, would be actual amber somehow made liquid.

There's also a point where you don't describe the lighting, and then establish that it has now been increased by X%. I guess technically that's perfectly fine, but it's better still if you decide to either keep things vague and maybe throw in a metaphor or two, or go full-on nerd and express it as X Lumens, or similar.

 

Thanks for the feedback!

 

You are now nominated for the position of chief editor, seeing as I'm clearly in need of one :P

 

On a more serious note: Any feedback is highly appreciated. Self-editing is devilishly difficult, so anything I can get from readers is very valuable. All feedback will be reviewed, and has a good chance of ending up improving the novel!

 

Relatedly I intend to put up a 'second edition' once I have enough fixes to warrant a new edition. Maybe I'll wait and release it at the same time I release book 2, maybe I'll do it before. I need some more feedback before I decide.

 

--

 

Editing issues aside, I'm glad you're impressed. Nothing could make me happier. I've put a fair amount of work into the novel, so obviously I would love for people to read it. It's even better if they like it :)

 

The novel is definitely inspired by roleplaying. Actually it is a tribute of sorts to all the years of fun I've had roleplaying (40k RPGs in particular). Speaking of roleplaying: The 2nd person is a bit unusual in a novel of this type, but if you think about it you're exposed to this point of view in many other settings. Such as the aforementioned roleplaying setting - I think most players have had their GM address them directly as 'you', when he's really meaning 'your character named X'. No one gets confused when 2nd person is used in this manner.

 

So when I write 'you', I'm talking about Marcus Aurelian, prodigal interrogator, and not you, the reader. My suggestion is that you try to imagine Marcus being your character in an RPG. I realize you would have played him much smarter, but please bear with me ;)

 

Tribute to roleplaying aside: I could of course have turned Marcus' sections into the 3rd person. Instead of 'you see an ork' I could have said 'Marcus saw an ork'. The meaning would be the same. So why didn't I? It has to do with the interaction between Marcus ('you') and Haxtes (the 'I' character). If I did both in the 3rd person, or one in the 1st and the other in then 3rd, the tension between them would be lessened. The 3rd person I reserve for the viewpoint of supporting characters.

 

Anyway, if you read on until the end, I think you'll find that you'll get used to this style of storytelling.


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#7 Simsum

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Posted 22 May 2014 - 08:07 AM

Argh! Spoilers, man! :D

 

Editing is kind of like licking your elbow: you need someone else do do it for you. But FWIW I've read plenty of novels with worse editing than Dark Omega, and your writing in general is pretty sharp. The dream-like bits are dream-like, the different personas don't feel like clones in different clothing, and so forth. I'm sure Dean R. Koontz wishes he had your writing chops and you for an editor.

 

I'm about a quarter of the way through now, by the way. I'll post back when I'm done :)



#8 Green Knight

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Posted 22 May 2014 - 10:53 AM

Waaagh! now you've made me try to lick my elbow...not sure if the next Dean R. Koontz should be doing that :D (but thanks for the comparison, however exaggerated).

 

If you're a quarter in, prepare for more fun: the action really picks up, starting with Part 2 and keeping it up until the end of Part 4...and of course the fun just goes on and on in the sequel :P



#9 Green Knight

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Posted 22 May 2014 - 12:57 PM

Parting the Veil, book 2 of the trilogy, has an official project page on my blog!

 

Not a whole lot of content yet, but still feeling mighty pleased :) :P

 

parting%20the%20veil_cover.jpg?mtime=140



#10 Green Knight

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Posted 03 June 2014 - 01:16 AM

I've decided to make some short story collections based upon the Dark Omega interludes. Essentially I'm recycling the interludes, but adding some new pieces to make a chronological collection that fits together.

The first chapters of the first collection is already out:

Battle Angels of the Imperium, Featuring Librarian Kaminsky and Sister Salt. For now the only really new part is Sister-Palatine, but more will be added.

Next will be the Chaos version, which focuses on the Preacher and his travails.

I also have one collection featuring Rogue Trader Corben and his ship, the Maiden of Golgenna, but it will be a while until it's ready for publishing.

For now the short story collections are only available on wattpad.com



#11 Aramithius

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Posted 07 June 2014 - 11:03 AM

I would love to read this, but I just can't sit at a screen to read for ages as a book like this requires. Is there any chance of getting this in ereader form (I've got a Kindle so would prefer .MOBI, but .EPUB would be a good step)?

 

Also, thought on the "you" format - it implies that the reader is male, which could put off female readers. I can't comment as I'm male myself, but I could see that as an issue. It shouldn't be a problem for those with a background in roleplaying, but for those unfamiliar it could be offputting.


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#12 Simsum

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Posted 07 June 2014 - 11:40 AM

Go forth and download Calibre. And then come back and tell me how much you like me for just improving your eBook life by 40,000% :P

 

- Calibre is part eBook library software, part conversion software, and part "it even peels potatoes" software. It is the single most important piece of software for anyone who reads eBooks. Doubly so for everyone who has an eBook reader of any kind (phones included),

 

And when you discover just how amazingly much you love Calibre, do send the guy a couple of bucks. You'll have to admit he's earned it.


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#13 Green Knight

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Posted 08 June 2014 - 11:09 AM

I would love to read this, but I just can't sit at a screen to read for ages as a book like this requires. Is there any chance of getting this in ereader form (I've got a Kindle so would prefer .MOBI, but .EPUB would be a good step)?

 

I'll see what I can do. Hadn't really thought about it before you mentioned it.

 

Note that Dark Omega is also available on wattpad.com (username twilightpeaks). There is also a wattpad app for both iThingys and Androids that lets you read the novel in a nice e-readable format.

 

 

Also, thought on the "you" format - it implies that the reader is male, which could put off female readers. I can't comment as I'm male myself, but I could see that as an issue. It shouldn't be a problem for those with a background in roleplaying, but for those unfamiliar it could be offputting.

 

I think I figured that the majority of readers would be males :P

 

Anyway, the 'you' form is not a litteral reference to the reader, but a form of address indicating Interrogator Marcus Aurelian, the book's main character, and he's male.

 

Yes, it would have been possible to make Marcus appear from the 3rd person POV. Sometimes I wish I had, but in the end I settled for trying something a little unorthodox.



#14 Aramithius

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Posted 22 June 2014 - 02:20 AM

 

I would love to read this, but I just can't sit at a screen to read for ages as a book like this requires. Is there any chance of getting this in ereader form (I've got a Kindle so would prefer .MOBI, but .EPUB would be a good step)?

 

I'll see what I can do. Hadn't really thought about it before you mentioned it.

 

Ironically enough, after fudging with Calibre, it displays better as a PDF than a .MOBI, thanks to a glitch in the conversion...

 

I really like the dæmon perspective section, taking an outsider perspective like that was a really neat idea. However, the other sections feel quite leaden on occasion, loaded down with exposition about what things are and where they come from. I'm not sure that it's all necessary, as it doesn't serve to advance the plot, just explain the general 40K setting and slow the pace of the passages down. Otherwise, it's quite enjoyable.


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#15 Green Knight

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Posted 22 June 2014 - 01:14 PM

Good! I've downloaded the how-to from Amazon and done a test conversion, but that's as far as I've gotten. I'll probably experiment some more later.

 

Glad you like the daemon. I was very fun to write, if a little challenging: getting it sufficiently alien not to appear too human, yet not so alien the reader would just be confused. I'm pleased with the end result.

 

I've had readers - primarily non 40k fans - point out they appreciate the meaty descriptions. But yeah, I think I'll have to agree with you. And if I had the time to do another major revision, I would have tightened up things a bit, especially in Part 1.



#16 Green Knight

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Posted 22 June 2014 - 01:15 PM

Go forth and download Calibre. And then come back and tell me how much you like me for just improving your eBook life by 40,000% :P

 

- Calibre is part eBook library software, part conversion software, and part "it even peels potatoes" software. It is the single most important piece of software for anyone who reads eBooks. Doubly so for everyone who has an eBook reader of any kind (phones included),

 

And when you discover just how amazingly much you love Calibre, do send the guy a couple of bucks. You'll have to admit he's earned it.

 

It looks awesome! I've only just taken to reading eBooks (on account of now having an iPad Air) and this will make it an even better experience. Thanks for the tip!



#17 Green Knight

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Posted 22 June 2014 - 01:17 PM

 

Also, thought on the "you" format - it implies that the reader is male, which could put off female readers. I can't comment as I'm male myself, but I could see that as an issue. It shouldn't be a problem for those with a background in roleplaying, but for those unfamiliar it could be offputting.

 

Re. girls and the 'you' POV: I've gotten 3 girls (amazing, I know!) to actually read some of Dark Omega, and they claim the 'you' perspective is all right, even if Marcus is a male.



#18 Aramithius

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Posted 24 June 2014 - 01:37 AM

Re. girls and the 'you' POV: I've gotten 3 girls (amazing, I know!) to actually read some of Dark Omega, and they claim the 'you' perspective is all right, even if Marcus is a male.

 

Fair enough. It was just a thought.

 

Now I've got into reading it, it feels a little slow. I may have missed it at the start, but Marcus seems overly invested in digging through the tome for a reason that doesn't really connect with the reader. Which makes the narrative feel a little tedious - I've caught myself wondering "but where is this going?" Beyond the subtle hints of how Baphomael (apologies if spelling is off) connects to the rest of the narrative, it just feels a little plodding.






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